Cheeky request? Would this upset you?

[Bangersandmash5]

I've rented a flat on my own for the last five years but due to various reasons will be moving out at the end of December. Lots of family and friends have kindly offered to let me live with them until I can buy my own place as I'm hoping to be on the property ladder by mid next year.

My close friend of many years has said I can rent a room in her place as she has a four bedroom house. She's asked for £250pm which will include all meals (she decided this), however they are a vegan family and I don't particularly enjoy the meals that they cook (lots of noodle type dishes). Obviously I would never be disrespectful and bring meat in the house but I will probably end up buying my own food anyway (boring meals such as jacket potato, beans on toast etc etc).

The bedroom is on the small side and will only fit a single bed in with a small chest of drawers so I will need to pay for a storage unit. I work full time and will be in the house during the evenings and sometimes weekends. Shower once a day and maybe wash my clothes once/twice a week, although I could do that at my parents house if needs be. I'm clean and tidy and have already told her I will help out around the house (one reason I've chosen to live with friend as she's similar to me). She's told me that her council tax won't increase if I move in.

I was thinking of asking her if she'd be happy to accept £200pm and I will sort my own food out, but wanted to get Mumsnet opinions first. I don't want to fall out with a friend, especially over money and ultimately it is her decision, but what do you all think? Would it upset you if I asked the question? She did let slip the other day that she use to charge her sister £120 to rent the same room, but I appreciate family will always get a discount!

You really need to take a look and see what it costs to rent a room before giving your friend a hard time!

What’s the big deal about eating vegan for a few months?

Very weird to include food

@LittleDandelionClock

That would be a no from me. Couldn't live with vegans personally and it's a good way to wreck your friendship.

Wow.

Are you sure you don't mean Vogons? Nobody wants to live with Vogons. 'cos it seems a bit intolerant to be unable to share house room with people due to their perfectly normal dietary choices.

@Munchkinpumpkin

Very weird to include food

Not weird at all. OP's friend is offering to make her part of the family, paying a nominal sum to cover costs (& small inconveniences to her family's life).

What's weird about eating together?

I would move in with someone else!

I really don’t understand the cash cow comments.

Feeding another adult costs money. £250 a month for room an board is really cheap. You surely wouldn’t her expect to stay without asking a financial contribution?

It’s a huge inconvenience having another person in your living space. To be honest I wouldnt have offersd.

I’ve just had a vegan lunch - banana and peanut butter on toast with a glass of apple juice. Nothing terrible has happened so far but I’ll give it half an hour.

If you're having to pay for a storage unit in addition to the rent, what could you rent for the total cost per month (i.e. 250 plus storage cost)?

Sounds cheap to me. Some of your anxieties are reality based (working fire alarms are important) but it's unusual to be afraid of having the tumble drier on over night. You might find many people you could live with will do this (or other things you don't like), I'm not sure communal living is for you.

Sounds like a recipe for disaster. Rent somewhere else.

I wouldn't be upset or see it as cheeky as long as it was discussed as a normal request - which it is. If you're going to be living with someone, I think you need to be to discuss things like negotiating rent. If you can't discuss that, that doesn't bode well for going forward.

If using your own food, you may want to discuss how it's going to be stored - that may be part of why she's offering if there isn't much food storage room. Also, if you have a need to prove where you're living, discuss how you'd do that. Bit unusual, but we found it easiest by having our lodger-friend on and pay for one of the bills so he has a paper trail if needed.

My lodger-friend move into a spare room when his housing situation went weird. Ten years and a move on he's still living with us (and has 2 cupboards plus a whole fridge freezer for his food plus storage for cooking equipment which we share). We have had the rent negotiation discussion a few times, particularly when he's changed jobs or other big changes that affected finances. We've at times reduced rent in exchange for work done around the house.

I agree it can change relationship dynamics and put a strain on things. Communication is so important in this and not doing it or not getting each other's ways of communicating is a major cause of strain. My lodger-friend is not the best at it, especially when he's having a depression downturn - I know when it happens because I feel like I've got another teenager, but part of living together is balancing each other's needs.

The thing is, if you don't live with your friend, or your family, where will you go?

You say storage costs are high but accounting for those is not your friend or family's responsibility.

You could well end up renting a room at a more commercial rate and paying for storage.

But, saving your friendship, if living together is going to put pressure on it, might well be worth that.

Why take your washing to your mums, eat elsewhere and live there?
Just stay at your mums house.
My God.
Unless it's next door to work this is really weird.
You're going to impose yourself for months, not eat atbthe same time, kids in bed at 7pm while you crash around the kitchen. Trying to negotiate 50quid off.

People might let their rooms out for free, that's nice. Meanwhile in the real world of electric bills and having someone in your house, £250 per month is dirt cheap.

You're not unreasonable to have second thoughts about staying but I'd think you were taking the mickey asking for a reduction.
The electric alone of you making extra food costs that, plus space.

Just say thanks for the offer but no.

I'd not want to live with anyone where the arrangement was that they would choose and cook what I ate, or where I needed to keep meat, dairy, eggs etc out of the kitchen. You have other options. Take them.

My daughter moved back in with me and we often eat separately due to shifts/plans/varied requirements- honestly, the room I had to find in my cupboards, fridge, the making of her food when I’d just cleaned up still irritates me and she’s my child! It also often feels like I’m in some student accommodation- I imagine your friend wants you as part of the family rather than a lodger basis to make it nicer all round. She’s not really making anything. I wouldn’t therefore be altering her offer though I would be getting a BIG dinner out 🤦🏻‍♀️
Re them being vegan one issue that led, and still leads, to arguments with my daughter is good and prep, as I’m coeliac and my daughter isn’t. After a previous stomach affecting round of her living at home I had to lay really strict rules down regarding her food/cooking this time. She doesn’t always realise though and thinks things are fine thst aren’t. I understand some apparently vegan food isn’t always ok for strict vegans, so your friend might be worried about that aspect. I would definitely find it easier to make sure all was ok for my coeliac if I could buy and cook all food here.
Honestly, I’d either take this as is and eat out of the house, or review other options.

£250 a month sounds like a screaming bargain to me
It can’t be anywhere near London or Bristol for that cheap rate….
A friend was paying £600 plus bills for a small room in Bristol- no food - plus bills

I wouldn't if I could possibly avoid it. Is staying with your parents at all an option?

Staying with a friend for so long (you say you're hoping to have your own place by mid-2022, so a minimum of six months or so), is a recipe for disaster. You'll be getting on each other's nerves after the first month or so, and the fact they're a vegan household and you aren't will add to the trouble.

I don't think I would ask her for a reduction. I would say thanks for the offer but I would rather rent the room without food included. Give valid reasons why. Won't get home in time to eat with you all. Will want to eat before coming in sometimes. Not a vegetarian. Reassure that you won't bring non veg food in and that you would clear up after yourself. You could also say, if true, that you are likely to eat at your parents/aunt's/ other friends places quite often. When you've given all these reasons se what she responds. She may offer a reduction without you having to ask for one. If not you can consider whether you want to take her up on her offer or not

You mentioned she previously had her sister to live with them temp on that basis, so its obviously a system she found that worked for them.
People seem to think its a good deal. And so on that basis I wouldn't quibble about the £50 as it costs money for tea, coffee, bills etc. and there may be things you do end up eating there... You could always have the occasional meal out.
The other issue tho is that it changes your relationship from friend to friend to landlord to lodger.. Are you prepared for that.? It depends how well you know your friend and how flexible. I suspect she has had experience of her sister living there and that worked out OK for her or she wouldn't have offered it to you. I guess you could try it but be prepared to move out if it got too much?
However, there's a similar risk in finding new housemates in a rental.
House purchases can take much longer than you think and have many pitfalls along the way, so it could go as planned or it could mean a much longer stay.
PPP said what would storage cost plus £250 and therefore what could you get for that. ?

If you can stay somewhere else then that's the best idea. It would be so easy to have a falling out if living together for a longish period.

I was at the end of a messy seperation, my friend offered me a room at £300 a month - it was cheper than sorting my own place in the short term.

Turns out, his total mortgage was £350, and was chargin me and the other house mate £300 each.

So was profetering off us.

I moved out, and the friendship has not been the same since.

I’d pay the £250 but ask if it’s ok if you prepare your own meals and have a cupboard and own chopping board etc. I definitely wouldn’t try and get money taken off.

Don't rent from your friend, it's a recipe for disaster. Can't you find another room in the area with that amount?

As for storage, how much stuff do you have? Can your parents or friends not store some of it for you? I would have thought many rental rooms/house shares would not provide enough space for all your belongings.

As many PP have said £250 is not high rent and the 'food included' is probably to avoid other issues with kitchen use and non-vegan food. You can work round that for a few months surely? Eat out, eat at your parents, get a take away on the way home, have a bigger lunch at work. I'd be more concerned about bathroom use!