People who really love and enjoy life, what's the secret?

[zorrow]

Have been going through what I think is an existential crisis for quite some time and just wondered, what is it that makes some people love their life so much? Is it their mindset? Is it money? Is it relationships?

@Alicesays

Try watching the film About Time - that really changed my perspective about how to deal with every day mundane challenges.

I also did a self compassion programme a few years ago which changed my life. It's on an app called 29K.

This film also changed my perspective. You do have to try and take pleasure in the mundane every day things that we would usually miss going about our busy lives.

@HomeSliceKnowsBest

Copious amounts of medication. Really.

I love my life, despite being a huge overthinker, worrier and being pretty anxious.
First, it's because I've never compromised on what I know are the right decisions for me. I've gone against the grain in lots of small and big ways and don't give into peer pressure.
Second, I'm not materialistic - I barely want a thing, dont work too hard and don't covet what others have.
Third, I live like I might die tomorrow. I don't mean I'm jumping out of planes on my days off or travelling around the world in an RV. But I make every day count by doing something fun or nice with it. My 'live like you might die tomorrow' approach bleeds into ensuring my relationships with family are always in good shape.
Fourth, I'm as curious as a 7 year old. I notice every small detail around me - a beautiful leaf, a reflection in a puddle, droplets of rain on a spiders web. It makes me feel so happy and grateful to be here.

My Mum had serious health issues from her 40's onwards but she was one of the most positive people I knew. She focused on what she had and could do, not the illness, and she carried on dealing with life's stressors as she always had, never expected anyone else to look after her. That actually made us want to care for her more!

I'm not as mentally strong as she is, but I try to remember her attitude when I'm feeling stressed or down. She faced her problems and made the most of her life. [heart]

So would I,

I think happy people are those who had happy childhoods.

@Egghead68 you’re wrong. I did not have a happy childhood and i am a happy adult. But I’ve had therapy.

@ThePlantsitter

I think they probably avoid Mumsnet and other social media tbh.

Haha, yes probably this and they dont watch the news ATM.

I think having a happy childhood definitely builds up your self-esteem, but many positive people have pretty tough childhoods too. It's not a guarantee of optimism.

It depends how you got over an unhappy childhood. If you have addressed the issues it left you with (I did), then it is certainly not a hindrance and the fact that you h ave successfully negotiated those issues may be a help. There will always be things to deal with, a past record of dealing with "stuff" successfully will always help you in the future.

Having been resilient through the bad times is hugely important, it builds confidence that you can cope and makes you less fearful of the future. I think it's really important never to shield children from the bad parts of life, just be honest and say "this bad stuff is happening, but I'm going to show you how we'll get through it". And then proceed to do exactly that.

I’m an annoyingly contented person, always have been even when I was deciding whether to eat or buy more electric. Comparison IS the thief of joy or to put it another way - I only think about what my neighbour has when it’s nothing.

I work in politics, on marine conservation. Ignorance would be career suicide for me 😁. The things is I don’t worry about things I can’t change. Hence my motto “do what you can where you are with what you have”. As long as I know I’m making the best choices I can in my circumstances what more can I ask of myself?

I also choose to believe solutions will be found - I’m working hard on some of them and I’m sure others are just as committed. I saw some research recently that suggested the more you decide to be optimistic the more your brain rewires itself to focus on positive things.

Always start your day being grateful for all you have.
Your health. Family. Friends.
Live your life for yourself.
Don't compare yourself to others.
Recognise that you are unique and be content

I have a shit past - lots of trauma and dark times from birth to 23 years. After a lot of therapy and healing I now have a deeper appreciation of life and I feel incredibly lucky and happy to have an amazing husband, son and baby on the way. I truly feel content and grateful.

I was severely depressed and struggled horribly with life until I was in my late 20s.

For me, it's a mix of security (home and steady relationship), motherhood (my dc have had some tough times as teens but they are worth it) and being closer to the end of my life than the beginning, so I savour every little pleasure in case it doesn't come around again.

@Technosaurus I'm going to print out your post and stick it up on my wall! Words to live by

I find life hard in many ways. Long history of cptsd but I also find so much joy. I’m so so happy. I think privilege has something to do with that. For me that’s private therapy for years. It’s a husband who can afford to earn so I don’t have to work. It’s a nice home, rural slow paced life.
Without those my life would be very different and I think harder for me to be positive and happy.

@Egghead68

I think happy people are those who had happy childhoods.

I didn’t have a particularly happy childhood as my father was an alcoholic, but I’m happy now. Al Anon helps a lot re alcoholic father.

@Technosaurus

Pursue hobbies and interests; enjoy your work or if you don't, minimise the amount of time spent there; know and manage your outgoings so live comfortably within your means (don't confuse this with simply "being rich", it's not the same); maintain your valued friendships; deal with your adult family largely on your terms (and accept that death is an inevitable part of life so when those you love aren't there you are in some way "ready" for the upheaval); if you want kids, have them, if you don't want them, don't; make the effort with people who do the same for you; always have something to look forward to, big or small; try new things and when you like something, do it a bit more.

I'm a funeral celebrant who deals with hundreds of life stories every year and the happiest ones pretty much all follow that trend.

Love this and so true.

@Minceandonions

I love my life, despite being a huge overthinker, worrier and being pretty anxious. First, it's because I've never compromised on what I know are the right decisions for me. I've gone against the grain in lots of small and big ways and don't give into peer pressure. Second, I'm not materialistic - I barely want a thing, dont work too hard and don't covet what others have. Third, I live like I might die tomorrow. I don't mean I'm jumping out of planes on my days off or travelling around the world in an RV. But I make every day count by doing something fun or nice with it. My 'live like you might die tomorrow' approach bleeds into ensuring my relationships with family are always in good shape. Fourth, I'm as curious as a 7 year old. I notice every small detail around me - a beautiful leaf, a reflection in a puddle, droplets of rain on a spiders web. It makes me feel so happy and grateful to be here.

What a beautiful post.

@Minceandonions

I love my life, despite being a huge overthinker, worrier and being pretty anxious. First, it's because I've never compromised on what I know are the right decisions for me. I've gone against the grain in lots of small and big ways and don't give into peer pressure. Second, I'm not materialistic - I barely want a thing, dont work too hard and don't covet what others have. Third, I live like I might die tomorrow. I don't mean I'm jumping out of planes on my days off or travelling around the world in an RV. But I make every day count by doing something fun or nice with it. My 'live like you might die tomorrow' approach bleeds into ensuring my relationships with family are always in good shape. Fourth, I'm as curious as a 7 year old. I notice every small detail around me - a beautiful leaf, a reflection in a puddle, droplets of rain on a spiders web. It makes me feel so happy and grateful to be here.

@minceandonions

I love this post so much. I feel the same way about curiosity and noticing the tiny things.

What kind of things do you do to make each day fun?

This is something I'm struggling with lately.

I agree with @StarsAndSky0 you are born that way or not.

I've got plenty of morose miserable anxious relatives including a parent and at least one of my kids. But I'm generally cheerful, upbeat and resilient to mental health. My ex was never happy despite huge sums spent on leisure, holidays, retreats, meditation, drugs etc.

Happier not holier!!!!!

I'm saving the thread to read later.

But health and money are MASSIVE factors for me. Ain't nothing going on but the rent...

I am very similar to @FieldOverFence

I also appreciate it when I have what I need, right down to the basics like a roof over my head. If I can afford milk and coffee too, then I am winning.