People who really love and enjoy life, what's the secret?

[zorrow]

Have been going through what I think is an existential crisis for quite some time and just wondered, what is it that makes some people love their life so much? Is it their mindset? Is it money? Is it relationships?

Build a library of things that make you happy. The more of them that are small, and don’t cost much, and don’t rely on other people, the better.

Prioritise the time you spend doing things that make you happy, and don’t chicken out of defending it. Especially don’t allow obligations that just make you resentful erode it.

I agree with what PPs have said about not comparing yourself to others. And I think an important part of that is making your peace with being ordinary and unexceptional. Once you can do that, you don’t have to waste energy resenting other people’s failure to recognise how special you are. You appreciate that nobody is out to get you, you just aren’t at the centre of anyone’s universe but your own, and that’s ok.

And finally, don’t allow yourself to wallow. Walk away, even if temporarily, from the things making you angry/sad/worried, and do something that makes you happy. It sounds naff, but I think of it as finding a way to turn your face to the sun. It’s always there if you look for it and allow it in.

I think a lot of it comes down to mindset. I wake up knowing (or telling myself) that I am going to have a good day. smile, be kind to people, help people, smile at people, I find you then feel positive energy and this definitely helps towards general mood

Go waking, be in nature, listen to informative and constructive podcasts, don’t get lost in social media, select what information you choose to absorb, move your body and work out

Diet also has a MASSIVE effect of your mindset, mood and energy levels, eat well, take supplements if you don’t feel you are getting a sufficient level of vitamins and completely avoid processed foods

I think if you're a naturally happy person none of these things (diet, exercise, social media etc) really matter. You'll just be happy anyway.

Incorrect. You clearly haven’t a clue about the effects food have on your body. Your gut manufacture 95 percent of the body's supply of serotonin which is also directly connected to your brain. It’s a very good place to start. Exercise also releases endorphins.

@LoveComesQuickly

I think if you're a naturally happy person none of these things (diet, exercise, social media etc) really matter. You'll just be happy anyway.

Agree

Also, My health was really battered in my teens and 20s and there was a lot of money related issues.

Things are so much better now in my 40s, though I am aware how fast it can go wrong.

I still haven't read the whole thread but getting older and having more savings really helps. I wouldn't be 20something again if you paid me...no, wait, it depends how much 😂

I'm pretty much always happy.
Not sure why, but I do think it's possibly because I'm quite simple, don't overthink, like a previous poster said. For example, I don't really understand politics, so that doesn't upset me.
I've recently got divorced and most people are amazed by how 'well' I've handled it - but I don't really think it's that strange - someone who I don't like any more isn't in my life, why wouldn't that make me happy?
So, how? I live in the moment, don't dwell on things I can't control, am irritatingly optimistic about everything, do lots of things that make me happy, smile at everyone, skip down the street, sing a lot.
Another example - I played hockey this weekend, we lost 18-0. I any care less, what difference does it make, I enjoyed the run around. All my team mates came off grumping 'well that was shit.'

Flattered by the amount of love my other post has received, thank you all!

To clarify though, the "hobbies and interests" should always be what YOU want. Some people love being healthy: long walks, 50 mile cycle rides, green tea etc. Some people love pints, wine, pizzas and a box of fags. There's no right or wrong, whatever floats your boat. I deliberately didn't cite "healthy living" in my earlier post as, let's be honest, despite the obvious benefits, it's not for everyone (least of all me!)

Where it tends to go wrong is when people try to go from one to the other without actually genuinely wanting to. From my experience, a decent amount of people can get away being "unhealthy", it's just that their lives are a few years shorter on average. But don't feel pressured into any particular way of living.

As long as you are comfortable with the fact that there may be some repercussions to booze, fags, drugs etc, then you can still be very happy. I've done funerals for 95 year old chain smokers and 60 year old teetotalers who walked 20 miles a day. Both of them were happy.

I've thought of another reason I love life - an ability to see the positive in everything. Again, my divorce, asked the question 'but aren't you lonely?' ' no, I love the peace' etc etc about everything.

I think one way to finding happiness is coming out of unhappiness.

Like many pps, I had hard times - abusive childhood and then abusive marriage, Now out for 2 years. Still on the antidepressants, still in therapy, still struggling financially and still finding my feet- but my God the joy of being able to relax in your own home.

A quiet coffee in the morning, a safe warm bed, stroking the cat, a neighbour comes round for a chat. My teens tell me about their day. The fairy lights I put up over the fire.

It’s sort of happiness, sort of relief, but once you find it, it feels like home. Still can’t believe it sometimes.

I follow a rigid diet, lots of supplements, no booze, try to get as much sleep as possible. I love to feel as good as possible, which in turn boosts my mental health.

Also helps that I am in a lovely marriage, kids are good, friends are super and genuine, and have no money worries.

I have two autoimmune diseases, and that can definitely get me down from time to time, but I’ve never suffered depression.

@zorrow

Have been going through what I think is an existential crisis for quite some time and just wondered, what is it that makes some people love their life so much? Is it their mindset? Is it money? Is it relationships?

Learning to enjoy the little things- a quiet half hour to read, a nice bath, some nice food.

Learning to let things go that are out-with my control and making the most of things I can control

@Technosaurus

Pursue hobbies and interests; enjoy your work or if you don't, minimise the amount of time spent there; know and manage your outgoings so live comfortably within your means (don't confuse this with simply "being rich", it's not the same); maintain your valued friendships; deal with your adult family largely on your terms (and accept that death is an inevitable part of life so when those you love aren't there you are in some way "ready" for the upheaval); if you want kids, have them, if you don't want them, don't; make the effort with people who do the same for you; always have something to look forward to, big or small; try new things and when you like something, do it a bit more.

I'm a funeral celebrant who deals with hundreds of life stories every year and the happiest ones pretty much all follow that trend.

@Technosaurus

Lots of great advice there

I also think it's good to take pleasure in the small things / the here and now, rather than thinking "I'll be happy when X happens"

And, acknowledge that, as we go through life, there will be ups and downs. This has been really important for me. When life's going well, I am grateful for it. When it's more difficult, it helps to know that it won't be like this for ever

Voluntary work also good for well being / sense of purpose

And (for some) a religious faith

Ok @GreyPurbeckMarble you can think I haven't got a clue if you like. All I know is what works for me! I'm happy whether I eat healthily or not.

@HarrietsChariot

Generally you need a lack of empathy. The world is a horrible place, to love life you have to be comfortable with the fact that a lot of people have it worse than you. You have to know that you have it better than many, and revel in the fact.

It's impossible for an intelligent and emotionally aware person to be truly happy with life. You can be a good person or a happy person, but not both.

@HarrietsChariot

My job involves having empathy for people in terrible circumstances. I don't "revel" in that or celebrate their misfortune

It's important to have a sense of perspective ie acknowledge what I can (not) achieve, and be able to switch off, but I don't agree that you can't be happy if you have empathy

Just cheer the fuck up.

Honestly I’m not sure anyone is just blissfully happy all the time.

But I do think there are people who are resilient, who will just give life a go. Others have unfortunately got a black cloud of serious mental or physical illness, or are haunted by a horrible past. That’s not their fault.

But in all our lives there is happiness and joy, isn’t there?

It may not be there all the time, but it’s there.

I have no husband, scraping by, two very high needs children, isolated, my friends are nowhere to be seen, my family distant. Yet I’m happier now than I was a carefree twenty something, as I have a purpose (my kids) and know that because so much as been so hard, that just intersecting with my children and trying to get work, having a hot chocolate on a walk, what else do I really need?

Intersecting?!!! Apologies typo… interacting…

Happiness studies suggest finding a faith helps .
And being single for women , and being married for men !

Saw this today after reading this thread - thought it was really interesting! My (wealthy) bosses’ son is a prime example of unhappiness & insecurity even though he should have a very easy life…

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/nov/22/therapist-super-rich-succession-billionaires

A large amount of medication does it for me.

Codeine 4 times a day provides a silver lining most of the time.

I opened my business so that I didn't have to do as I was told ever again (apart from by the council) haha.
I've always been the opposite of an over thinker and just assume things will always be ok- my friends mock me for that naivety. and then there's having a great family life too.
Weirdly tho there's one thing I worry about probably too much which is dying and I think that's because I do love life so much

Having a real, deep, satisfying, nurturing relationship, enough money to live comfortably with the occasional minor extravagance, and not having to worry if the boiler breaks down, and working in an environment where I can continually learn and grow.

I am happy and content. I have had counselling and stopped overthinking. I also now know that we are all responsible for our own emotions, so if others are upset with me then it's their shit. I look to the positive and don't worry about what I can't control. I believe that human beings have always had an existential crisis, in the past it may have been anxiety about Gods being displeased and all starving due to crops failing. Now, we worry about climate change. I am not shallow and I don't live for the moment (in the sense of "fuck it") but do try to stay in here and now. It is a frame of mind. I mean in the past I have spent hours worrying about stuff I can't control or that doesn't matter.