AIBU to want my mat leave plus promotion

[MiniPumpkin]

Need to post this to get some perspective or give my head a wobble.. whatever you all think ..
So been with large organisation for 10 years, promoted posts are few and far between, to put into context it has come up three times in the 10 years I’ve been there, including during my mat leave with dc1. Now on mat leave with dc2 it’s come up again. I want the job, always have and I’m pretty career driven but of course I also want my mat leave to continue. I want what I am entitled to which is my entire maternity leave. And I want promotion. If I get it they will want me back early.
I’m just sick of well, being female ? Woman’s careers are so disadvantaged if you ask me, I turned down a job (with another organisation) when ttc with dc1 as I wouldn’t get as good mat leave pay.. then of course you can’t go anywhere/leave when pregnant as you will lose the maternity pay. Now I feel I want this job but feel I will just be discriminated against, I wont get it as they will just say I didn’t do as well because they will no doubt prefer to give it to someone not on mat leave.
Not even sure of point in this post, I need somewhere to vent and get perspective. I feel like saying stuff it and just wait till my mat leave is over but who knows when the next opportunity will be and it really annoys me…

@Ericaequites

Most men won’t take parental leave because they lack the skill or interest to care for small children. In many workplaces, men don’t feel comfortable asking for shared leave. It’s misogynistic, but ideology tends to triumph biology. I’m an American, where such generous leave is practically mythological. I understand the Equality Act prevents discrimination on the basis of maternity leave, but it’s very expensive for a company to offer someone a position they will take up in a few months’ time and have to find cover. It behooves an employer to run his firm to the limit of the law. Careers give you money, but won’t love you.

I'm sorry but this is ridiculous.

'Careers won't love you' is essentially an attempt at emotional blackmail. Do you say that to men?

It might not love me but it pays my bills and puts food on the table in the same way my husbands careers does. My career is no less valuable because I'm a women and took the maternity leave I'm legally entitled to.

@WomanStanleyWoman

And you think companies don’t feel hard done by when that happens?

When all is said and done it comes down to the market. Example. Conventional wisdom is that being a serial job-hopper is looked at badly. But this is common in my industry and guess what? These people keep on getting hired even after their CV shows a series of short term jobs. Clearly their skills are valued at a premium.

Of course not everybody is great at their job or has high demand skills. But every new hire is a risk anyway. I’m not naive enough to think that every mat leave should follow the letter - if a small business for example it would be crippling. And self employed people get as much off as they can afford!

All so think is the sole fact of having taken full mat leave - no other context, just that someone had done it - shouldn’t count against people. There are many situations in which companies can be hard done by but again if you’re valuable then it’s worth it.

@wtaf37

" I want, I want, I want, I want..."

How much more perspective do you need?

Why is wanting a promotion that you were runner up in the last time it was available a bad thing? Are women not meant to want to progress in their careers?

@WomanStanleyWoman

And you think companies don’t feel hard done by when that happens?

A company doesn't feel anything - it is an organisation that will exist before and after any individual employee. Any individual would be ludicrous to consider the "feelings of the company" when making important personal decisions. In the morning, a company can make you redundant if they need to cut numbers - your "feelings" will be completely irrelevant to them then.

Despite several decades of feminism and strides to equality, men and women are very different. I would not call loving you back blackmail; mothers and fathers mean very different things to little children.

Ok so what you’re saying is it’s a woman’s job to be at home to look after her kids? And therefore they shouldn’t be supported in the workplace if that’s what they choose to do @Ericaequites?

I am staggered that someone in this day and age seems to believe this.

Most men won’t take parental leave because they lack the skill or interest to care for small children. In many workplaces, men don’t feel comfortable asking for shared leave. It’s misogynistic, but ideology tends to triumph biology.

It's a yes and a no here. Yes it is misogynistic and a bit of ideology that men don't do caring but the idea that they lack the skill or interest is simply wrong and just as sexist.
Nobody is born with 'the skill' and if you read a number of the threads on MumsNet lots of mums struggle. Male or female you learn to be a good mum or dad. I've said before OH was primary carer due to our careers and he loved being dad. Other men I've met at work have also taken a step back to be with the children. A couple did actually say they'd be happy handing the career role to their wife and taking on the family role as we had done. Not really a thing at the time but the idea of the man as a sahp is growing.

There was a report not so long ago that one of the things that was coming out of the pandemic and working from home was that a growing number of men were realising what they were missing by not being with the family. Perhaps we're getting to the stage where men can be the carers and women the breadwinners.

It's mostly on mumsnet that men are useless.

@Ericaequites

Despite several decades of feminism and strides to equality, men and women are very different. I would not call loving you back blackmail; mothers and fathers mean very different things to little children.

Not in my house it doesn't. You have very outdated ideas.

A company doesn't feel anything - it is an organisation that will exist before and after any individual employee. Any individual would be ludicrous to consider the "feelings of the company" when making important personal decisions. In the morning, a company can make you redundant if they need to cut numbers - your "feelings" will be completely irrelevant to them then.

I was responding to someone else’s comment, @sillysmiles. I agree that a company - or rather the people behind it - isn’t going to consider your feelings when making a business decision. My point was that suggesting taking two periods of maternity leave in three years is ‘No different to leaving after a year’ is at best spurious. For one, an employer (or let’s say a manager or head of department, if we’re going to be pedantic about it) isn’t going to be any happier about someone leaving after a year.

@WomanStanleyWoman

A company doesn't feel anything - it is an organisation that will exist before and after any individual employee. Any individual would be ludicrous to consider the "feelings of the company" when making important personal decisions. In the morning, a company can make you redundant if they need to cut numbers - your "feelings" will be completely irrelevant to them then.

I was responding to someone else’s comment, @sillysmiles. I agree that a company - or rather the people behind it - isn’t going to consider your feelings when making a business decision. My point was that suggesting taking two periods of maternity leave in three years is ‘No different to leaving after a year’ is at best spurious. For one, an employer (or let’s say a manager or head of department, if we’re going to be pedantic about it) isn’t going to be any happier about someone leaving after a year.

Keeping managers happy would involve everyone working as much as possible for as little as possible and never leaving. Do you discourage people from leaving - if they got a better job elsewhere, or couldn’t stand their current company. No. Why then shouldn’t people take their full mat leave?

I've been promoted on maternity leave. It does happen and I think these days big organisations take a different - longer term - view.

I'd say you're being unfair in saying they'd want you back early. It's of course completely unlawful as well.

Yanbu to vent.

You should go for it.

They can't ask you when you will be back and that can't impact your interview.

So if you get it you are right person for job surley they can't turn around and take it back if you say you will be taking what you planned.

I'd ask HR on that last point as I know after 6m I didn't need to be given my old job just a comparable one.

However don't stop yourself going for an IV and putting yourself fwd.

I sat back from my career and had 3 mat leaves and now wondered if should have just pushed more and doing that now.

I got offered promotion while on maternity (actually still in hospital, having only just given birth). They wanted me, so held the job until I got back.

Share your mat leave with your husband there is no reason why you should be disadvantaged

Apply, you never know. I know of a woman that got promoted while in mat leave so it does happen. That being said, two years of maternity leave is a lot, that's two years less experience than a peer that started at the same time.

Update ! I have an interview next week, just got the email today

Good luck Op - hope you smash it!

@MiniPumpkin amazing news!

I think it's a bit shitty to blame being female. A man wouldn't be disadvantaged for the promotion because he isn't entitled to the same amount of time off as a woman.

Update !! I got the job ! Still not sunk in yet but I’m totally delighted and have compromised at going back early.
I just can’t believe it! X

Massive congratulations! Well done you. I cut my maternity leave short by about 8 weeks and it was fine and now DC is 3 it doesnt matter at all that I went back earlier when he was 8 months old.

Yay!! Well done OP! Great update

Well done OP! What a lovely Christmas present from you, to you! Congratulations

Congrats Op - that's fantastic news!