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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not understand how people don't learn?

132 replies

EdenFlower · 21/11/2021 19:20

A few weeks ago DH offered to make the mash to go with the dinner I was making. He made it in a non-stick pan using a metal masher- ruined the pan and the mash was grey and full of bits of the non- stick and we had to start again.

This weekend we have been talking about buying some new non-stick pans because at least one of them is now ruined.

Tonight, DH offers to peel the potatoes for the mash. I go into the kitchen and he's put the potatoes into the non-stick pan he ruined a few weeks ago. I say- "errr, don't you remember what happened last time?"
He says, "but I chose that because it's the biggest pan" (it's not)-
I say "but you can't mash in that pan"
He says "yes, but I'll put them in another pan to mash them"

Is there no learning? And where is the logic in that?
He's sulking now because I said "but that's pointless- why not just choose a pan you can cook them in and then mash in afterwards?"

How am I supposed to have patience with this shit? I feel Like I spend my life trunk to teach people stuff which they can't retain- DD is exactly the same- it takes years to learn a simple fact and apply it logically.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 21/11/2021 19:22

Well he has learnt not to mash in that pan, hasn't he. He's just still using it to cook. Stop micromanaging him. Let him use two pans.

TopCatsTopHat · 21/11/2021 19:23

It is so frustrating needing to explain the stark staring obvious to a grown adult. 😆 Kids get a bit more leeway, they don't start to develop logic really until 8+

MeetMeAtOurSpot · 21/11/2021 19:23

Get him one of these for Christmas Grin
plasticmasher

Aquamarine1029 · 21/11/2021 19:24

Who ends up cleaning all the pans? You?

EdenFlower · 21/11/2021 19:24

Earlier today I asked him to pick up some redcurrant jelly from the supermarket. He came back with a tub of Hartley's strawberry jelly and said that's all they had! WTF?

OP posts:
Shedmistress · 21/11/2021 19:25

I have a plastic potato ricer. Get him one of those.

Doomscrolling · 21/11/2021 19:26

I cook in one pan (the big one) and do the mash in the large mixing bowl (so I don’t damage the non-stick pan.)

As long as he’s washing both, who cares? Don’t micromanage him.

EdenFlower · 21/11/2021 19:27

He hasn't learnt though- he only said this because I was standing behind him asking him why he was using that pan- If' I'd not asked he would have happily produced grey flecked mash once again from the non-stick pan!

OP posts:
EdenFlower · 21/11/2021 19:29

I wouldn't have to micromanage him if he was competent and learnt from mistakes, would I?

OP posts:
EdenFlower · 21/11/2021 19:29

We already have a potato ricer!

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 21/11/2021 19:29

@EdenFlower

He hasn't learnt though- he only said this because I was standing behind him asking him why he was using that pan- If' I'd not asked he would have happily produced grey flecked mash once again from the non-stick pan!
How do you know that? Did he say as much?
EdenFlower · 21/11/2021 19:30

@TopCatsTopHat

It is so frustrating needing to explain the stark staring obvious to a grown adult. 😆 Kids get a bit more leeway, they don't start to develop logic really until 8+
dd is 16!
OP posts:
PussyCatEatingPigsInBlankets · 21/11/2021 19:31

Ooh yummy, mash and strawberry jam...erm...🤢

Plastic utensils from now on - he can have his own special set. No point buying pans that aren't non-stick, as he'll probably burn water in them before he walks on it 🤔😂

BeyondOurReef · 21/11/2021 19:32

@EdenFlower

I wouldn't have to micromanage him if he was competent and learnt from mistakes, would I?
Maybe you need to let him make the mistakes and then figure out how to fix them/avoid them himself.

If he uses two pans, he has two pans to wash up. 🤷🏻‍♀️

As an aside: just buy frozen mash. It will save all this trouble.

PussyCatEatingPigsInBlankets · 21/11/2021 19:32

ah...she takes after her dad then? 🤦‍♀️
all the best ones do, me included!

EdenFlower · 21/11/2021 19:32

@girlmom21 Oh, I know! Otherwise- if the all the other pans are too small to cook potatoes in- how are they big enough to mash them in? And anyway- it's not even the biggest pan!

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 21/11/2021 19:33

[quote EdenFlower]@girlmom21 Oh, I know! Otherwise- if the all the other pans are too small to cook potatoes in- how are they big enough to mash them in? And anyway- it's not even the biggest pan![/quote]
Because they don't need water in when you're mashing them?

BeyondOurReef · 21/11/2021 19:36

OP. Life is too short to care this much about which pan you use to boil potatoes in for mash. Just leave him to it.

EdenFlower · 21/11/2021 19:36

See, you are all making excuses and solutions to help him in his inability to learn- why? Why should i buy plastic utensils or use a potato ricer instead- why is he not expected to be able to learn from the mistake and not do it again- I don't get it- why are men treated and act like children? I can choose a pan suitable for cooking and mashing in, why can't he be expected to ?

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 21/11/2021 19:38

Maybe you need to let him make the mistakes and then figure out how to fix them/avoid them himself.

Or just possibly, accept that he needs to fail multiple times before he works it out or that he CBA so will keep on doing it.

We used to have who cooked didn't have to wash up. I wash up as I go along so there are only the plates and cutlery left to go in the dishwasher after we have eaten.

We now take it in turns to 'cook and wash up' and I avoid the kitchen when he has cooked until it's all he cleaned up. Sigh.

girlmom21 · 21/11/2021 19:38

@EdenFlower

See, you are all making excuses and solutions to help him in his inability to learn- why? Why should i buy plastic utensils or use a potato ricer instead- why is he not expected to be able to learn from the mistake and not do it again- I don't get it- why are men treated and act like children? I can choose a pan suitable for cooking and mashing in, why can't he be expected to ?
Why are you with him if he makes you so angry? Most people are responding with lighthearted suggestions but you're clearly actually quite upset about this.

They'll only be treated like children for as long as you treat them like children.

If you're having to micro-manage him just bin him.

Clymene · 21/11/2021 19:38

This is deliberate incompetence OP. It's something that men do so that you won't ask them to do it again. It's why they can't operate washing machines

I don't blame you for being furious. Bet he wouldn't do it at work.

MoirasWigStand · 21/11/2021 19:39

But you aren’t letting him learn. You are telling him what to do. You sound like my mum and she drives me mad and has made me be try anxious of making mistakes as a adult.

Clymene · 21/11/2021 19:40

And women on here - particularly on AIBU - think any man is better than no man.

It's pitiful how low they set the bar.

BeyondOurReef · 21/11/2021 19:40

@EdenFlower

See, you are all making excuses and solutions to help him in his inability to learn- why? Why should i buy plastic utensils or use a potato ricer instead- why is he not expected to be able to learn from the mistake and not do it again- I don't get it- why are men treated and act like children? I can choose a pan suitable for cooking and mashing in, why can't he be expected to ?
I’m not.

I’m definitely saying that you should treat him like an adult. Leave him to it. Let him make mistakes, figure out what went wrong/how to fix it, and actually learn.

He might not ever do it the way you want him to. But he’ll learn to make mash his way.