AIBU to not understand how people don't learn?

[EdenFlower]

A few weeks ago DH offered to make the mash to go with the dinner I was making. He made it in a non-stick pan using a metal masher- ruined the pan and the mash was grey and full of bits of the non- stick and we had to start again.

This weekend we have been talking about buying some new non-stick pans because at least one of them is now ruined.

Tonight, DH offers to peel the potatoes for the mash. I go into the kitchen and he's put the potatoes into the non-stick pan he ruined a few weeks ago. I say- "errr, don't you remember what happened last time?"
He says, "but I chose that because it's the biggest pan" (it's not)-
I say "but you can't mash in that pan"
He says "yes, but I'll put them in another pan to mash them"

Is there no learning? And where is the logic in that?
He's sulking now because I said "but that's pointless- why not just choose a pan you can cook them in and then mash in afterwards?"

How am I supposed to have patience with this shit? I feel Like I spend my life trunk to teach people stuff which they can't retain- DD is exactly the same- it takes years to learn a simple fact and apply it logically.

@Clymene

This is deliberate incompetence OP. It's something that men do so that you won't ask them to do it again. It's why they can't operate washing machines

I don't blame you for being furious. Bet he wouldn't do it at work.

Many men can mash potatoes and operate washing machines.

I think I’m like your husband .,My partner is frustrated telling me about the way to do things, around the kitchen especially . Then I just revert to my previous way . Eg I understand I should use a particular pan, or utensil but then a few days later I start to cook and I don’t think things through . My mind is elsewhere , thinking about other things .. The same when I’m at the shops , I can’t remember the particular brand of something he wants , so I guess . Or pretend they have run out because I’m mad at myself. Sometimes I’ll write things in pieces of paper , then half the time lose the paper . My partner thinks it shows I don’t care. I think some people find it hard to focus/ learn .

I cannot tell you how much this post resonates with me. DP please empty the water out of the tumble drier before you use it. He doesn’t. Suffers consequences. Times this by 6 and still doing it. This is one of 10 similar examples. Then I get “why are you nagging me”. Honestly Iv had to bite my tongue to avoid saying spiteful things about his intelligence (or lack of). I know this post makes me sound like a nasty person but god at what point do you start adulting.

I’m not a micro manager, do things how you want as long as it doesn’t end in a broken appliance, spoiled food or just not done.

100% agree. This would give me the rage. I have to bite my tongue about things like this all the time in everyday life.

Is there something wrong with him?! Seriously 😒

@MoirasWigStand totally agree with you, not a great way to parent BUT He is an adult...

My oh continually makes scrambled eggs or omelette in the wrong pans. But I don't partake and he cleans up.

It makes you wonder how he functions at work?

Doles he constantly make mistakes or aid he in a job where everything is specified and requires no thought or individual judgement?

I think all men without learning difficulties can @girlmom21. That doesn't stop a lot of them pretending they can't

This is the sort of thing my very nice but sometimes infuriating DH would do. He is neurodiverse - is yours?

I have the same issue with my partner. Basics just aren't there. I feel like I have to supervise everything from cooking to making sure kids are dressed appropriately. And as for DIY skills..non existent. I feel your frustration.

@EdenFlower

Earlier today I asked him to pick up some redcurrant jelly from the supermarket. He came back with a tub of Hartley's strawberry jelly and said that's all they had! WTF?

That's actually made me laugh so much. Sorry OP!

@EdenFlower

I wouldn't have to micromanage him if he was competent and learnt from mistakes, would I?

Cringe!!

You know how he learns? By making the mistakes and having to put them right. Stop interfering, if he has made grey mash tonight he’d have had to start again. He’d soon make the connection between his pan and his grey mash. He isn’t a child, stop treating him like one.

Why didn’t you throw the pan away after the last time when the non stick came off in the mash ? The easiest solution to this is to buy ready made mash , much less aggravation .

@Floralnomad

Why didn’t you throw the pan away after the last time when the non stick came off in the mash ? The easiest solution to this is to buy ready made mash , much less aggravation .

Because I am intelligent enough to remember said pan made grey mashe so assume other adult family members- especially the one who made the grey mash, would be also similarly intelligent enough to not make same mistake twice! Said pan is sevicible enough for a bit of reheating something or boilings stuff until we can afford to replace it for now.

Why has no one thrown the manky pan out? I thought non stick coating coming off was dangerous for your health? Why are people worried about the pan and the potatoes and not being poisoned by flaking non stick coating (which can happen when you're boiling stuff when its damaged?)

Said pan is sevicible enough for a bit of reheating something or boilings stuff until we can afford to replace it for now.

But you were going to replace it with a whole new set

This weekend we have been talking about buying some new non-stick pans because at least one of them is now ruined.

I don't get it- why are men treated and act like children?

Says the woman treating her husband like a child.

Why is the ruined pan still in your kitchen and available for use. If it's coating is peeling it should be in the bin by now.

I discard non sticks of there is a single visible scratch on them - where the coating can peel off. However I have very few non stick pans and mostly use thick steel bottomed pans for the most part.

#1: I'd throw out the damaged pan. Immediately. Make do without until you can afford a new one.

#2: Some people are just a bit... scattered. They need micromanaging, though they don't always appreciate it.

Since he won't/can't learn, I'd take it upon myself to learn that he shouldn't be trusted to make mashed potatoes without (silent) supervision. Maybe he can do something else? Or just hide the metal utensils so they aren't even an option.

@BoredZelda

I don't get it- why are men treated and act like children?

Says the woman treating her husband like a child.

But if he didn't act like a child- would I need to supervise the mash making- how may times do you think he should be allowed to make the same mistake before learning? I can accept once!

I'd take it upon myself to learn that he shouldn't be trusted to make mashed potatoes without (silent) supervision. Maybe he can do something else? Or just hide the metal utensils so they aren't even an option.

I cannot cringe enough at this comment! OP is not her husband’s parent, manager, supervisor or carer! Ffs. How ridiculous.

@EdenFlower

Earlier today I asked him to pick up some redcurrant jelly from the supermarket. He came back with a tub of Hartley's strawberry jelly and said that's all they had! WTF?

This reminds me of the time I sent DH out for birthday bunting. He returned with muffin cases because that's all he could find... thought I'd said "birthday bun tins".

In my experience as long as he cleans up all the pots and pans then leave him to it. As long as the mean comes out edible then it will do for me.

I can accept once!

😂😂😂

And as you’re the boss of the household, what you can accept is what counts, right?