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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is in the wrong here?

398 replies

hoodvic4 · 21/11/2021 10:24

Friend is visiting his hometown with his partner. Group of us went out last night for dinner and drinks. Afterwards friend and partner invite me back to their flat they've rented for the weekend.

It's 1.30 am and I've fallen asleep on their sofa. I am abruptly awoken by friend saying 'you need to go home'. He phones me a taxi and becomes rude to the taxi operator and other taxi taking over an hour. Friend is basically shoving me out the door at this point. So I have to walk home - 3 miles at 2 am. No text from friend to check if I even get home okay.

So this morning I text him and am like what was that about. He replies that his partner was messaging him asking him to get me to leave as he wanted to go to bed. I was sleeping...why couldn't he have went to bed?

This friend I am very close to, he has stayed over at my house I can't even count the times, when he is home visiting without his partner he will stay here 3/4 nights in a row. I run him about here there and everywhere when he is here. I have never ever kicked him out of my house.

I would understand if I was drunk causing mayhem and wanting to party but I was sleeping on the sofa. This morning he is saying it's not a big deal, it's not shocking and won't apologise.

So am I being unreasonable or is he?

OP posts:
TatianaBis · 21/11/2021 16:39

If you don't know many women how would you know what 'most' women do?

ChargingBuck · 21/11/2021 16:40

Clearly I’m one of the 93% of women who object to feminist bullshit.

Grin Grin Grin

Citation for your arbitrary stats, @EightWheelGirl?

& where's the "special treatment" coming from?
OP has consistently put her 'friend' up overnight, & managed to never turf him out to walk 3 miles home at 2am.

ChargingBuck · 21/11/2021 16:41

Feminists despise women who aren’t victims.

I'm a feminist who isn't a victim, so you'll need to explain how you think that works, @EightWheelGirl.

ElliottSmithsfingers · 21/11/2021 16:42

You did nothing wrong OP, and if it were me in the same position the guy would be an ex-friend.

EightWheelGirl · 21/11/2021 16:46

Citation for your arbitrary stats, @EightWheelGirl?

Here you go.

Conducted by a ‘leading feminist charity’ no less.

www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/only-7-per-cent-of-britons-consider-themselves-feminists/

ItsSnowJokes · 21/11/2021 16:48

My guess is partner wanted sex and felt awkward with you around so wanted you out of the property. It is very poor to leave you walking home by yourself at that time, not a friend and I would not be giving them the time of day in future, friendship is a 2 way street and they don't care for your safety.

Helpimfalling · 21/11/2021 16:54

I wouldn't speak to them again to be honest and I haven't found anything you said opinionated.

I think you've been very calm and fair.

Was you worried walking hope OP bless you.

PlanDeRaccordement · 21/11/2021 16:55

The only mistake made here is that they should have woken you up earlier.

When I invite a friend back after dinner/drinks it’s not so they can then go to sleep on my sofa. That’s cheeky and rude.

I would expect them to be an adult and to call a taxi and go home when they start to feel tired or at latest say their goodbyes before midnight. It’s not my job to figure out how they are getting home or monitor how late taxis and buses run, that’s the guest’s responsibility. They’re not a child.

ChargingBuck · 21/11/2021 16:56

[quote EightWheelGirl]Citation for your arbitrary stats, @EightWheelGirl?

Here you go.

Conducted by a ‘leading feminist charity’ no less.

www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/only-7-per-cent-of-britons-consider-themselves-feminists/[/quote]
Ah, the Fawcett Society.
Who, in the same report, state that 67% of Britons support equality.

You are choosing to allow semantics to scupper your comprehension, & making a Straw Man argument by pretending that the fact that the vast majority of women support equality but don't use the label "feminist" somehow equates to 93% of women "object(ing) to feminist bullshit."

But as you say, you don't know many women, so your view is understandably blinkered by your own uninformed misogyny.

MRex · 21/11/2021 16:59

Nicely summed up @ChargingBuck.

drawacircleroundit · 21/11/2021 17:05

Weird to assume you can spend the night on their sofa. I'd have been mortified, apologetic, and out the door in no time, calling the taxi myself.

SammyScrounge · 21/11/2021 17:05

The OP has been a very good mate to her gay friend but it turns out that he was only using her. To take advantage of her good nature and then evict her at 2am, at a time when the dangers women face have become very prominent, makes him a write off. Chalk it up and move on.

Bluntness100 · 21/11/2021 17:08

@SammyScrounge

The OP has been a very good mate to her gay friend but it turns out that he was only using her. To take advantage of her good nature and then evict her at 2am, at a time when the dangers women face have become very prominent, makes him a write off. Chalk it up and move on.
Why did you feel the need to call out his sexuality? What’s that got to do with anything, do you say straight friend too? Confused
Rubadubdub21 · 21/11/2021 17:11

Not sure why you're getting a hard time Op. Your friend isn't a "friend" I would be considering my friendship after you had to walk home at 2am under the influence of alcohol. The person you called & woke up, that's a real friend.

ChargingBuck · 21/11/2021 17:12

@drawacircleroundit

Weird to assume you can spend the night on their sofa. I'd have been mortified, apologetic, and out the door in no time, calling the taxi myself.
And how many times has this 'friend' spent the night at OP's house?

I find it hard to understand this mumsnet trope of never staying in anyone else's house, or having them stay at yours. It's a mark of true hospitality & friendship, to me ... fuck all to be "mortified" about ...

PlanDeRaccordement · 21/11/2021 17:18

And how many times has this 'friend' spent the night at OP's house?

OP has said it was always pre-arranged when he stayed at hers while visiting her area. That is very different from just assuming that an invite to after dinner drinks= Come spend the night on my sofa.

Yes the friend was wrong to push her out at 2am, but she was wrong to just assume she could camp out on his sofa for the entire night.

amsadandconfused · 21/11/2021 17:20

@THisbackwithavengeance

Ignore the detractors OP. Talk about victim blaming. It's the same arguments used against women who are raped: you were drunk, you shouldn't have been there, you misread the signals blah blah.

It doesn't matter if you were drunk or outstaying your welcome or hadn't paid your share of the AirB&B (FFS), you shouldn't have been kicked out at 2am to walk home alone.

That's shit.

And for those saying, she must've been drunk and offensive because she fell asleep at 1.30am. I would be falling asleep at 1.30am regardless of whether or not I had alcohol. It doesn't compute that falling asleep at 1.30am = roaringly drunk.

And if they wanted a noisy shagathon, why on earth did they invite the OP back after the meet up?

I agree with those who suggested that the boyfriend fancied a shag and wanted an empty flat. If the poor chap really couldn't be expected to wait for his shag or - heaven forbid - shag quietly, they could've at least waited for a taxi. You don't ask a woman to walk home alone at 2am, you just don't.

This completely! @SarahAndQuack…am guessing you get paralytic when you drink and vomit everywhere because you have made some really judgmental comments about the OP ! Absolutely no excuse for kicking you out at 2am .Good you got home safely.
PlanDeRaccordement · 21/11/2021 17:22

@ChargingBuck
the fact that the vast majority of women support equality but don't use the label "feminist" somehow equates to 93% of women "object(ing) to feminist bullshit."

Well it’s certainly more likely that the 93% of women who do not identify as feminists are in fact objecting to feminist bullshit, rather than actually secretly loving the bullshit bits of feminism but too shy to admit it on an anonymous survey! You don’t really have a strong case here to say that there are lots of closet feminists....

shiningjustforyou · 21/11/2021 17:27

This thread is so weird and I've honestly never seen the kinds of towards friends that I see on mumsnet. Same with alcohol. People are really saying the OP has issues with drinking because she got trolleyed on a night out and fell asleep on a sofa. 😄😄
It's fucking baffling and most of you don't seem to live in the real world!

It doesn't happen as much now but if a mate falls asleep on my sofa, drunk or not, I put a blanket over them and leave them to it. I certainly don't wake them up and kick them out. If my partner tried to make me, they'd be offered the chance to leave instead.

I often think when some posters here talk about friends, what they actually mean is acquaintances as people just don't treat real friends with suspicion and resentment.

FreshFreesias · 21/11/2021 17:30

Shocking. Friend no longer.

CambsAlways · 21/11/2021 17:38

He would be an ex friend

lynxca16 · 21/11/2021 17:38

He is correct - he made the wrong decision, he threw you under the bus for his own sake.
Not. a. good. friend.
I have been in similar situation in the past and cut all ties - life and you deserve better friends.

AhNowTed · 21/11/2021 17:52

@shiningjustforyou

This thread is so weird and I've honestly never seen the kinds of towards friends that I see on mumsnet. Same with alcohol. People are really saying the OP has issues with drinking because she got trolleyed on a night out and fell asleep on a sofa. 😄😄 It's fucking baffling and most of you don't seem to live in the real world!

It doesn't happen as much now but if a mate falls asleep on my sofa, drunk or not, I put a blanket over them and leave them to it. I certainly don't wake them up and kick them out. If my partner tried to make me, they'd be offered the chance to leave instead.

I often think when some posters here talk about friends, what they actually mean is acquaintances as people just don't treat real friends with suspicion and resentment.

Same. I can only assume these posters don't have close friends. Or know nothing about hospitality. It's baffling really.

Original poster
hoodvic4 · 21/11/2021 18:16

Thanks everyone. I'm still very upset to be honest and just confused by the whole experience but such is life.

OP posts:
BoredZelda · 21/11/2021 19:42

I'm pretty sure that's for me to decide and I didn't ask for an opinion on my drinking behaviours thank you.

Maybe not but getting so drunk you agree to walking miles home at 3am really isn’t smart.