Who is in the wrong here?

[hoodvic4]

Friend is visiting his hometown with his partner. Group of us went out last night for dinner and drinks. Afterwards friend and partner invite me back to their flat they've rented for the weekend.

It's 1.30 am and I've fallen asleep on their sofa. I am abruptly awoken by friend saying 'you need to go home'. He phones me a taxi and becomes rude to the taxi operator and other taxi taking over an hour. Friend is basically shoving me out the door at this point. So I have to walk home - 3 miles at 2 am. No text from friend to check if I even get home okay.

So this morning I text him and am like what was that about. He replies that his partner was messaging him asking him to get me to leave as he wanted to go to bed. I was sleeping...why couldn't he have went to bed?

This friend I am very close to, he has stayed over at my house I can't even count the times, when he is home visiting without his partner he will stay here 3/4 nights in a row. I run him about here there and everywhere when he is here. I have never ever kicked him out of my house.

I would understand if I was drunk causing mayhem and wanting to party but I was sleeping on the sofa. This morning he is saying it's not a big deal, it's not shocking and won't apologise.

So am I being unreasonable or is he?

I think it also depends on area. Would I walk home alone in inner London? Probs not. I’d defo walk home in a market town. I figure that driving my car every day is much more dangerous.

You don’t really have a strong case here to say that there are lots of closet feminists....

I don't need to make a "case" @PlanDeRaccordement.

The survey PP was quoting made it for me. 67% of Britons (male & female) believe men & women should have equality - which is the absolute core tenet of feminism.

@ChargingBuck

You don’t really have a strong case here to say that there are lots of closet feminists....

I don't need to make a "case" @PlanDeRaccordement.

The survey PP was quoting made it for me. 67% of Britons (male & female) believe men & women should have equality - which is the absolute core tenet of feminism.

Could it be that the majority of women feel that feminism is no longer solely about equality and encompasses a lot of other toxic behaviours? 🤔

If not, why do ‘man hating’ and ‘victim mentality’ frequently come high in the list when asked why they don’t identify as feminists?

If not, why do ‘man hating’ and ‘victim mentality’ frequently come high in the list when asked why they don’t identify as feminists?

Is that a fact @EightWheelGirl?

This thread took a weird turn OP.

He was horribly unreasonable. You could very easily have been attacked.

No more cosy stay overs for him. That’s the only reason he’s apologising now I’ll bet.

@ChargingBuck

If not, why do ‘man hating’ and ‘victim mentality’ frequently come high in the list when asked why they don’t identify as feminists?

Is that a fact @EightWheelGirl?

Having interviewed a diverse group of young German and British women for my research, I found associations of the term "feminism" with man-hating, lesbianism or lack of femininity was a key factor in rejections of the label "feminist".

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-47006912

Many others, however, say they repudiate feminism even though — indeed, because — they support equality and female empowerment:

“I don’t need feminism because I believe in equality, not entitlements and supremacy.”

“I don’t need feminism because it reinforces the men as agents/women as victims dichotomy.”

“I do not need modern feminism because it has become confused with misandry which is as bad as misogyny, and whatever I want to do or be in life, I will become through my own hard work.”

Or, more than once: “I don’t need feminism because egalitarianism is better!”

Again and again, the dissenters say that feminism belittles and demonizes men, treating them as presumptive rapists while encouraging women to see themselves as victims. “I am not a victim” and “I can take responsibility for my actions” are recurring themes. Many also challenge the notion that American women in the 21st century are “oppressed,” defiantly asserting that “the patriarchy doesn’t exist” and “there is no rape culture.”

One common response from feminists is to say that Women Against Feminism “don’t understand what feminism is” and to invoke its dictionary definition: “the theory of the political, economic and social equality of the sexes.” The new anti-feminists have a rejoinder for that, too: they’re judging modern feminism by its actions, not by the book. And here, they have a point.

time.com/3028827/women-against-feminism-gets-it-right/

Not going to derail the thread any further but won’t be spoken for by people who represent a tiny minority of my gender!

@EightWheelGirl

Not going to derail the thread any further but won’t be spoken for by people who represent a tiny minority of my gender!

If you are indeed female, then as a non-feminist hand back your right to work, vote, drive, and to your own money/property after marriage.

Oh - You think you’re entitled to these things?

Only because feminists fought tooth and nail for you to have them.

If you believe in equality and equal rights for women then it doesn’t matter how much imbecilic piffle you have filled your head with - you are a feminist.

So stop parroting misogynist claptrap about man-hating and victims and get a grip.

Cheers @TatianaBis

@EightWheelGirl - your entire spiel in italics is anecdata, culled by a journalist seeking conformation bias for her own opinion.

And you can be any gender you like. I speak for myself, & my sex.

Blah. Modern feminists whinging about manspreading didn’t help get the vote anymore than my partner fought in the trenches in WW1.

If you believe in equality and equal rights for women then it doesn’t matter how much imbecilic piffle you have filled your head with - you are a feminist.

Lol. I refer you to final paragraph posted from the article above. I judge feminists on their actions. Things like protesting against International Men’s Day. They say men should stop moaning and rally together to solve their own issues but then they protest them when men do exactly this. 🤷‍♀️

It’s largely a hate group nowadays.

So self identify as a bloke and stop boring us?

I don't get this suggested explanation about the partner wanting a shag. At that time, after inviting someone back, would you be that desperate that you'd put someone at risk?

Agreed with a PP about posters conflating acquaintances and close friends. In principle yes, people should arrange their own transport etc but would people really be this rigid if a close friend fell asleep on the sofa, or would they handle it with a bit more care and good humour?

@EightWheelGirl

Think you're on the wrong thread, this is about a woman who was expected to walk home in the middle of the night with her friend not checking on her safety. It's not a thread for coolgirls to shout about how unfeminist they are so start your own 👍

He is no friend. Dump him!

I wouldn't be happy if I was away for the weekend with my partner, and somebody crashed out in our accommodation. Talk about playing gooseberry!

Shouldn't have left you to walk home alone though.

If that’s how he treats you then he’s not much of a friend at all . Bin him

Wow, this is awful, especially as you are a woman. Is your friend prone to being a dick? On reflection, is the friendship more one-sided? If not, could his new partner be controlling? It's the first thing controlling people do, separate partners from old friends etc. If what your friend did was out of character it could explain it (not excuse it though).

Allowing you to walk miles home on your own though, that's disgusting and he owes you a massive apology.

I don't drink any more but when I did I fell asleep on many a sofa. I'd usually wake up with a blanket thrown over me, which I think is the normal response to someone crashing out on your furniture. (A basin beside them if they're very gone). If a friend of mine fell asleep on my sofa I'd just put a cover over them and go to bed. The fact that he didn't even apologise and say 'god I was drunk, I'm so sorry, what was I thinking?' is telling. Tell him to jog on next time he's looking for.a roof over his head.

not on. entirely disrespectful.

With a friend like him, who needs enemies? Disgraceful and absolutely unacceptable behaviour on his part, and I’m not even sure if an apology should be accepted. Dump the bugger.

I wouldn't do this to anyone, especially a friend.

Are you friends with partner as well? I smell jealousy

It was a total dick move on his behalf.