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AIBU?

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Original poster

Who is in the wrong here?

398 replies

hoodvic4 · 21/11/2021 10:24

Friend is visiting his hometown with his partner. Group of us went out last night for dinner and drinks. Afterwards friend and partner invite me back to their flat they've rented for the weekend.

It's 1.30 am and I've fallen asleep on their sofa. I am abruptly awoken by friend saying 'you need to go home'. He phones me a taxi and becomes rude to the taxi operator and other taxi taking over an hour. Friend is basically shoving me out the door at this point. So I have to walk home - 3 miles at 2 am. No text from friend to check if I even get home okay.

So this morning I text him and am like what was that about. He replies that his partner was messaging him asking him to get me to leave as he wanted to go to bed. I was sleeping...why couldn't he have went to bed?

This friend I am very close to, he has stayed over at my house I can't even count the times, when he is home visiting without his partner he will stay here 3/4 nights in a row. I run him about here there and everywhere when he is here. I have never ever kicked him out of my house.

I would understand if I was drunk causing mayhem and wanting to party but I was sleeping on the sofa. This morning he is saying it's not a big deal, it's not shocking and won't apologise.

So am I being unreasonable or is he?

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 21/11/2021 15:54

Honestly, I'd say the majority of people have either fallen asleep on a friend's couch or had a friend fall asleep on their couch after a night on the town, whether they're drunk or just tired. I can't think of a single one of my friends who would EVER have rousted a quietly sleeping guest off the couch in the dead of the night and bundled them outside to walk (or drive) home.

I once had a gay friend whose boyfriend, for some reason, absolutely resented every one of his female friends. He would be borderline rude to us and actively discouraged our friend from hanging out with us. We never did figure out why.

The OP did nothing wrong in simply falling asleep, drunk or sober. If she'd gone into the linen cupboard and pulled out pillows and blankets and made up a bed on the couch without asking, that would be different. But just drifting off to sleep? No.

But her friend was terribly wrong to basically push her out into the night to walk home alone, especially if she was still drunk. Not just due to the danger of attack, but because alcohol makes one more susceptible to hypothermia (if this happened in a cold climate).

EightWheelGirl · 21/11/2021 15:55

Was assuming this was his house, but having seen it’s a rented place then I understand it more as it’s a weekend away with his partner. Probably wanted to see mates on Saturday and then hah their own plans for Sunday, not involving OP.

AhNowTed · 21/11/2021 16:00

I've fallen asleep at friends and vice versa many times

Some people must lead very structured lives on here.

OP I don't like the sound of the boyfriend at all. Sounds prissy and controlling.

Who in their right mind turfs a friend out at 2am to walk home alone.

Onelifeonly · 21/11/2021 16:01

Was there only the one room in the Airbnb? I can imagine being irritated by someone falling asleep like this, though no excuse for not allowing OP to wait for the taxi.

sage46 · 21/11/2021 16:07

In hindsight maybe would have been better to have checked if it was ok to stay earlier in the evening before it was too late to get a taxi. However if a 'friend ' did this to me that would be the end of so called friendship. Never ceases to amaze me how many people choose to go with a partners wishes even when they are unreasonable than to stand by a friend who has been there and supported you for years.

Genegenieee · 21/11/2021 16:07

Absolutely no way would either of them be on my Xmas card list ever again. Really shocking that anyone would do this to anyone, woman or not, at 2am. He doesn't share your values OP

LakieLady · 21/11/2021 16:14

@AttaGirrrrl

I think you were rude to go back to the flat with them. They’d obviously booked an Airbnb (rather than stay with you, for example) so that they had some privacy and more of a ‘weekend away’ feel rather than a ‘visiting friends’ feel, ifyswim.

Having said that, once you were there, they were absolutely wrong to kick you out. Call a taxi, yes, but allow you to stay on the sofa until it arrived.

If they wanted privacy, they shouldn't have invited OP back at the end of the night.

No real friend would insist on their friend leaving to walk 3 miles at 2am, rather than hang around for an hour for a taxi. I think your friend's DP sounds a bit controlling and manipulative, tbh.

CounsellorTroi · 21/11/2021 16:16

As I said earlier, perhaps it was a courtesy invitation which they weren’t really expecting her to accept, especially if she’d already had quite a bit to drink.

Snoopfroggyfrogg · 21/11/2021 16:18

I'm pretty surprised at some of the comments about the OP's 'entitlement' and bad planning and such like, her expectations were based on the friend regularly sleeping over at her place. Splitting hairs between whether it was an air bnb or a house is meaningless. She and the friend have had an informal, comfortable relationship for years with each other's homes being open. She was invited back, accepted, then drifted off to sleep and was then unceremoniously kicked out at 2am. Was the invitation made out of politeness? Not the OP's fault.

Point is, it was downright wrong to kick her out, even if this wasn't what they had intended. They should have either woken her earlier, or let her stay until the cab got there. Really disgraceful behaviour, 3 miles is a substantial distance at that time of night. Would it have made the friend's behaviour any better if she had waited on the doorstep? No.

If it's a friend, we put their safety first, even if it is a bit of a pain and we would prefer to just go to bed. OP, you've done nothing wrong. Your friend has. It's not just his partner.

PinkiOcelot · 21/11/2021 16:19

Absolutely disgusting. I don’t think I could forgive that.

EightWheelGirl · 21/11/2021 16:20

Splitting hairs between whether it was an air bnb or a house is meaningless.

No it’s not. It’s the difference between a mate crashing a normal night and interrupting a holiday with your partner.

Capferret · 21/11/2021 16:21

Regardless of whether or not either of them wanted you asleep on the sofa the fact is that someone you considered a friend kicked you out to walk home alone in the night.
Your friend is most at fault because he should have had your best interests at heart.
I wouldn’t accept his apology and I would end the friendship.

flatclearancehelp · 21/11/2021 16:22

Oh boy, OP you're really getting some awful crappy comments here from twisted mumsnetters.

Shame on your friend for behaving so badly.

Glad you got home safely.

Snoopfroggyfrogg · 21/11/2021 16:23

@EightWheelGirl

Splitting hairs between whether it was an air bnb or a house is meaningless.

No it’s not. It’s the difference between a mate crashing a normal night and interrupting a holiday with your partner.

At that time of night, when the friend had invited OP back, yes it is.
EightWheelGirl · 21/11/2021 16:24

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AmyDudley · 21/11/2021 16:25

He'd be an ex friend as far as I'm concerned. that was ridiculously dangerous and frightening situation to put you in. The fact that he has apologised is a bit 'too little too late' he should have stood up to his partner and once taxi was not possible said 'well she can;t walk home at this time, she's staying until morning' and his partner would have to lump it.
I would certainly not accomodate him next time he needs a place to stay and someone to drive him around. It would require a lot of rebuilding of the friendship on his part for me to trust him again. he's shown himself to be weak and not care about your safety.

MRex · 21/11/2021 16:26

@EightWheelGirl

IME gay men have less truck with female entitlement.
Clearly you aren't female, and are unable to understand how risky walking alone in the dark can be.
EightWheelGirl · 21/11/2021 16:27

Wonder what the replies would be if situation was reversed?

Lesbian couple ask drunk man to leave who they didn’t feel comfortable with staying over. An interesting comparison given that men are at significantly greater risk of stranger violence.

EightWheelGirl · 21/11/2021 16:28

Clearly you aren't female, and are unable to understand how risky walking alone in the dark can be.

Clearly I’m one of the 93% of women who object to feminist bullshit. Equality when it suits, special treatment when it doesn’t.

TatianaBis · 21/11/2021 16:32

@EightWheelGirl

Wonder what the replies would be if situation was reversed?

Lesbian couple ask drunk man to leave who they didn’t feel comfortable with staying over. An interesting comparison given that men are at significantly greater risk of stranger violence.

It's not an interesting comparison it's a rather stupid one.

They would be equally unreasonable to chuck out a male friend in the middle of the night.

And they would be at significantly less at risk from sexual violence.

TatianaBis · 21/11/2021 16:32

@EightWheelGirl

Clearly you aren't female, and are unable to understand how risky walking alone in the dark can be.

Clearly I’m one of the 93% of women who object to feminist bullshit. Equality when it suits, special treatment when it doesn’t.

Do you actually know any women?
AhNowTed · 21/11/2021 16:32

@EightWheelGirl

Clearly you aren't female, and are unable to understand how risky walking alone in the dark can be.

Clearly I’m one of the 93% of women who object to feminist bullshit. Equality when it suits, special treatment when it doesn’t.

Not expecting to be turfed out at 2am to walk home alone, rather than crash at a friends is hardly "special treatment". My sex is irrelevant. I wouldn't turf out my sons male friends either.

You're talking nonsense.

MRex · 21/11/2021 16:33

@EightWheelGirl - do you really have nothing better to do than make up statistics and pretend to be female? It's tedious.

EightWheelGirl · 21/11/2021 16:38

Do you actually know any women?

Not that many, tbh.

I work in construction and most women would rather complain about the poor female representation than actually lead by example.

EightWheelGirl · 21/11/2021 16:39

[quote MRex]@EightWheelGirl - do you really have nothing better to do than make up statistics and pretend to be female? It's tedious.[/quote]
Oh, you’re so desperate to shut me down. Feminists despise women who aren’t victims.