Who is in the wrong here?

[hoodvic4]

Friend is visiting his hometown with his partner. Group of us went out last night for dinner and drinks. Afterwards friend and partner invite me back to their flat they've rented for the weekend.

It's 1.30 am and I've fallen asleep on their sofa. I am abruptly awoken by friend saying 'you need to go home'. He phones me a taxi and becomes rude to the taxi operator and other taxi taking over an hour. Friend is basically shoving me out the door at this point. So I have to walk home - 3 miles at 2 am. No text from friend to check if I even get home okay.

So this morning I text him and am like what was that about. He replies that his partner was messaging him asking him to get me to leave as he wanted to go to bed. I was sleeping...why couldn't he have went to bed?

This friend I am very close to, he has stayed over at my house I can't even count the times, when he is home visiting without his partner he will stay here 3/4 nights in a row. I run him about here there and everywhere when he is here. I have never ever kicked him out of my house.

I would understand if I was drunk causing mayhem and wanting to party but I was sleeping on the sofa. This morning he is saying it's not a big deal, it's not shocking and won't apologise.

So am I being unreasonable or is he?

@SweetPetrichor how would that be the expectation when it is common for them to crash at each other’s accommodation previously?

Both of you were wrong. You for falling asleep on their couch and definitely them for endangering you.

Maybe partner is jealous of your friendship? Do you know the partner well? Still totally wrong to kick you out to walk you home alone at that time - why didn't your friend at least walk with you?

I reckon there is something going on between them that you're not aware of.

Kicking you out with no taxi waiting is abhorrent. I understand the partner being annoyed at you falling asleep on the sofa, but that doesn’t justify turning you out on to the street. At the very least they should have let you stay until the taxi arrived.

If it was my best friend, I’d be miffed they hadn’t just let me crash all night on the sofa though. It’s different with less close friendships of course.

Maybe the OP shouldn't have fallen asleep and should have already arranged a taxi home.

But that doesn't really detract from the fact that the friends should have let her wait inside safely for the taxi!

If it was my friend and I didn't want them staying over, I'd have called a taxi as soon as they fell asleep and then woke them up when the taxi arrived.

Oh my heavens SweetPetrichor I am glad I’m not in your friendship group 🤯.

You are incredibly harsh. Would you honestly kick a good grind, whose house you had stayed at multiple times, out onto the street to walk home drunk in the early hours of the morning?

Do you have many real friends?

@hoodvic4

There's honestly not more to the story. He has apologised this morning. I think the problem is his partner rather than me to be honest. I won't be speaking to his partner again.

As you say — his partner didn’t want you there. You and your friend have known each other a long time and friend probably wouldn’t be bothered with you falling asleep on sofa but his OH was. To leave you to walk 3 miles home at 2 am is unacceptable, put you at great risk. Perhaps meet up with friend in the future on neutral territory but not with his partner.

@TheLikesofMe

If you had been murdered and all the details of this guy chucking you out at 2am were printed in the paper, what do you think public opinion would make of him?

He doesn't give a sheep's shit about you.

Well you only need to read this thread to know that. It was her own fault. She's responsible for her own safety I bet they wanted a shag She'd overstayed her welcome She must have been offensive She shouldn't have fallen asleep She wasn't wanted She should have known...

His partner wanted a shag. A loud holiday shag.
His boyfriend was unreasonable for inviting you back/not making it clear it was for a short nightcap only.

@carlywurly

Not the main point here but Airbnb can be massively strict about this kind of thing as it's seen as an unauthorised party. We don't allow anyone to visit anyone staying at ours without prior permission. It's an insurance thing plus you want people sleeping in the beds provided not on uncovered sofas.

Getting spotted (lots of hosts have those ring doorbell things) could have got them both kicked out. It's possible that if the partner booked it, he'd have seen and agreed to the long list of rules some hosts impose. He might have had that realisation in the night and panicked.

That said, there's absolutely no bloody way they should have just chucked you out. Safety trumps all else and this was just wrong. Glad you're ok.

I think @carlywurly may be right - the reason they didn’t want to let you stay, @hoodvic4 was the Ts & Cs of the air BnB.

However, this doesn’t justify your friend just kicking you out, or letting you walk home alone. And he could have explained himself, either then or this morning.

How were you planning on getting home?

Perhaps the partner wanted to have loud sex and couldn't knowing you were in the house? Or maybe he wanted to do it on the sofa you were on?
I would be so upset if my best friend treated me like that. Not much of a friend at all tbh.

Having read the thread, all I can say is... You're highly opinionated OP!

ignore the others trying to work out whether you were right or wrong ĺeading up to you being thrown out....because no good friend does that unless they thought you would end up harmed by staying. They have behaved atrociously and there are no excuses for putting you at risk of rape or murder. None.

I would call him out again because he could do that to others in future and they could end up dead. Be prepared for this friendship to end though since he seems to have no morals or sense of decency. So glad your other friend stayed on the phone with you, that really is a sign of a good friend.

How completely rude! Some people on here are so weirdly aggressive.

They invited you back with them. You fell asleep on the sofa.
If you were my good friend I would get you a pillow and blanket and glass of water OR called you a cab and woken you when it arrived. I would never kick anyone out after inviting them back, male or female.

I’m sorry this happened and I’m glad you’re okay

Heat of the moment is a very telling phrase.

OP's friend's boyfriend wanted to shag OP's friend. He was probably right pissed off that she came back to their flat. Despite the invitation being from both of them. Really ? The boyfriend sounds envious.

I bet he texted to his boyfriend: 'I said she could come back for a few drinks, not stay the fucking night.'

OP's friend's boyfriend, by now is furious that she's still there after talking and drinking putting his late night shag on hold.

She had out stayed her welcome (which sounds short). The fact that the friend's boyfriend was pressuring him to get rid of her speaks volumes. Texting each other on the other sofa after she had fallen asleep on a different sofa in the same room. That was so their row didn't wake her. He also wanted the friend to look like shit and hopefully offload the female friend. If she will take the hint. Again.

The fact that as has been said, he put his partners frustration above her safety, again, speaks volumes. I don't believe he's being coerced. Two faced, more like.

To cap it all, she's more furious with her so called friend's partner than with the friend. Eh ?

Woke her up to send her away at 2am. How bloody rude. Why wasn't she, 'allowed' to wait for a taxi at their place ?

(Then woke a friend up so she had someone to talk to all the way on the walk home. I'm guessing you're all in your twenties, right ? Let me guess, 'been friends since Uni.')

@Sunshinealligator

I'm someone who likes my own space, and I like guests to leave when they should. I'd maybe feel slightly put out at the fact I wouldn't get rid of said guest in the morning if they just fell asleep, I'd still absolutely never, ever wake someone up to get them to leave at 2am, especially, ESPECIALLY if it meant walking multiple miles on their own, male or female. There was no thought there for your safety at all, and the friend shrugging it off this morning would make me consider that maybe they aren't a friend after all.

This.

@Eastridingclub

Having read the thread, all I can say is... You're highly opinionated OP!

What a peculiar comment to make. OP has opinions… and that's a bad thing? Please do explain what you mean.

I think you were rude to go back to the flat with them. They’d obviously booked an Airbnb (rather than stay with you, for example) so that they had some privacy and more of a ‘weekend away’ feel rather than a ‘visiting friends’ feel, ifyswim.

Having said that, once you were there, they were absolutely wrong to kick you out. Call a taxi, yes, but allow you to stay on the sofa until it arrived.

AttaGirrrrl How is it rude if they invited her to go back?

I agree with most of the others on this thread. At best, your 'friends' were incredibly rude. They're not your friends and I would ditch them in your shoes.

Even if you'd outstayed your welcome, if you were asleep on the sofa, just basic decency would tell them to let you stay the night. In their shoes I'd have covered you with a blanket, left a brief note to say "I wake up at XX o'clock" and we'll have breakfast and then get you back home".

The only way I'd entertain telling you to leave is if you were roaring drunk and violent/abusive.

Under these circumstances they absolutely were wrong - rude and inconsiderate and putting you in a potentially dangerous situation.

Sever the friendship. There's nothing there you'll miss.

@PurplePikachu

Just checking…are you a woman? Because anybody who leaves a woman to travel home alone late at night is an absolute dick. If you’re a man then maybe it’s a bit different (although still very rude). If you’re a woman I would honestly end the friendship over that.

But statistically men are actually at greater risk. I don’t know why you had to make it about the sexes.

@Eastridingclub

Having read the thread, all I can say is... You're highly opinionated OP!

That's what you've gotten from this full thread? Alright then

That's not a real friend...
Take note for future...

@NeverTheHootenanny

If I had rented an Airbnb with my partner and his mate decided to sleep over uninvited I would find that really odd behaviour. Why didn’t you make plans to get yourself home, or at least ask if you could stay.

It wasn’t okay at all for him to kick you out in the middle of the night with no taxi to take you home though.

I agree with this.

I’ve got some mates who just think they can use my house like a hotel and it really pisses me off tbh. Totally spoils your lazy Sunday with a partner when you’ve got a third wheel on the sofa and have to get up and deal with them.

However, he should’ve let you stay until taxi arrived, although of course you might just have dozed off again. Need to be responsible with your drinking and getting yourself home IMO.