To ask friend not to bring dog

[iloveayankeecandle]

My friend has a dog. Likes to jump up a lot to start with but then calms down. My daughter hates dogs and my other daughter crawls now so is all over the place. We do not have a dog.
So at Christmas my friend comes over and previously has brought the dog with her. Well my eldest daughter now has a fear of dogs. My husband has said he doesn't want the dog round due to my daughters fear and other daughter being dog height with my crawler. I'm not keen either but don't want to hurt my friends feelings. AIBU?

I think it's really cheeky to bring your dog to someone else's house, i wouldn't dream of doing it. Your daughter's fear is a separate issue imo and something you can work on in time. Lots of people are terrified of spiders, would people suggest that you bring spiders to them so they can face their fear? Ridiculous.

@80sMum

The dog worship in the UK winds me up

I second this! The level of "dog worship" in this country has become utterly ridiculous, in my opinion.

I am frequently astonished by the comments I see on social media regarding dogs; comments that clearly demonstrate that many dog-owners view their pets' needs as being a higher priority than almost everything (and everyone) else's.

So many people with dogs ignore all signs to keep their dog on a lead, for example. Why? They must have seen the signs, so I can only conclude that they deem their animals' needs to be above those of wildlife, the environment and other people.

Dogs are not "fur babies" (what a ridiculous term that is)! They are dogs. Yes, they can make excellent pets and provide companionship. They're loyal and often devoted to their owners and a very close bond develops between owner and dog. But they're still dogs!

Totally agree but there are people on here who actually think the live for a dog is equal to the love for a child

I can understand those that don’t have children thinking that but there are people who have children and say they love their dog equally as much.

Ticking mind blowing like 🤯

fucking

@alienbaby

So is this going to be your daughters life then? Breaking down in parks and cowering around every street corner because she had a bad experience with a dog and you are going to deepen that so it turns into a phobia?

Why dont you tell your friend what happened and see whether your friend bringing her dog can be organised to actually help your daughter overcome her bad experience

Oh come on.

OP wants to enjoy her time with her friend. There is no problem with leaving a dog in a car for a few hours.

Organising a visit at a less busy time is a good idea.

I can understand those that don’t have children thinking that but there are people who have children and say they love their dog equally as much.

I love my dogs as much as my kids. Shoot me! 🤣 That doesn’t mean that my kids aren’t very loved, it’s that my dogs are really really loved in the same amounts as my kids.
I think some people don’t understand because they don’t love their dogs that much, so they think it’s terrible that my kids are only loved a bit, as much as they love their dogs. But if you see how much I love my dogs, you wouldn’t feel bad for my kids. Our life revolves around our each other and our kids and dogs.
Others don’t have to understand or agree with it.

I wouldn’t expect my dogs to be welcome into anyone else’s house though, unless invited. I totally respect other people don’t want to be around dogs.

OP, it's your home and your child's home. Tell your friend the dog cannot come over your home. If she's a true friend, she'll understand and leave the dog home. Your child comes before your friend's dog.

If she brings the dog anyway against your wishes (which I hope she won't do that), don't let the dog in. Tell her the dog needs to go back to her home.

I like dogs and I still wouldn't want anyone bringing their dog over here. It can stay home alone for a couple hours like they did for thousands of years while the owners did other things. If you really can't leave your dog alone to spend time with other humans, then stay home with it.

@PleasantBirthday

Children are hardly to be compared with dogs?

Why not?

@GodIsAVegan

I can understand those that don’t have children thinking that but there are people who have children and say they love their dog equally as much.

I love my dogs as much as my kids. Shoot me! 🤣 That doesn’t mean that my kids aren’t very loved, it’s that my dogs are really really loved in the same amounts as my kids.
I think some people don’t understand because they don’t love their dogs that much, so they think it’s terrible that my kids are only loved a bit, as much as they love their dogs. But if you see how much I love my dogs, you wouldn’t feel bad for my kids. Our life revolves around our each other and our kids and dogs.
Others don’t have to understand or agree with it.

I wouldn’t expect my dogs to be welcome into anyone else’s house though, unless invited. I totally respect other people don’t want to be around dogs.

I’ve never had dogs but i understand people love them, especially those that don’t have children.

But never in a million years could I imagine a world where I’d say I love a dog above my children and I literally can’t comprehend that people do.

Why not?
Because children are small humans, and dogs aren't?!
WTF lol

@NoNotMeNoSiree

Why not? Because children are small humans, and dogs aren't?! WTF lol

Honestly, some people genuinely love their dogs as much as their kids. They genuinely exist and that’s this is the type of question they would ask….

I have a small dog and would not be offended in the slightest if someone said don't bring him please. In fact, he only goes to family houses with me because he's been specifically invited there. If she lives a really long drive away, so a couple of hours at yours means she's away from home for 4 hours or more, it would be kind, IF possible, to say dog can come and must stay in another room, but if that's not possible that's fine. Your priority is your children, especially your scared daughter

Well, even if some people are, well, love their dogs as much as their children, you still have different legal and moral responsibilities to children (such as not leaving them in the house alone) which makes bringing your children to someone's home a bit different to bringing your dog.

But never in a million years could I imagine a world where I’d say I love a dog above my children and I literally can’t comprehend that people do.

You don’t have to understand it. I’ve never met anyone that treats their kids or dogs as good as we do and that’s up to them. My kids and dogs are loved beyond anything.
If I only loved my kids like others loved their dogs, (not much from their behaviour) I’d be concerned for the kids too. 😂

YANBU just tell her what you have told us

I love dogs. My dog IS like my child; I don't have children and I choose to have dogs. I take my dog to friends houses IF they are comfortable with it and offer. I never assume, and I don't ask. By that I mean, I've only ever taken my dogs to someone's house when they have suggested it first.

I would absolutely have no issue with being asked not to bring the dog, and I wouldn't want to inadvertently be the person/dog who sets your daughter back when you've been working so hard on helping her through this.

Explain the situation to your friend and that you're taking small, slow steps to try and help your daughter. Your friend should understand and if she doesn't, that's on her. You also have to understand though that she may not come- and this is fine too.

I do think that meeting up with her dog in an outside setting would be a good step for your daughter but separate to this visit.
I know you say you've been meeting up with a calm dog which is great, but maybe being outside with her dog who is slightly more excitable but on a lead would be a good next step.

My dog is far lesssmile demanding and noisy than children

Your dog can legally be left at home.

say no! its 2 hours on christmas day, she needs to leave the dog at home. It is as simple as that.

Christmas day is not a day anyone needs to be stressed out, I would not want this dog in my house eithe
*i have dogs!

@ChrissyPlummer

No it’s fine to ask. If I was the friend though, I’d ask you not to bring your DC if you ever go to visit her.

I don't think that's a problem - most parents like to have child-free time with adult friends.

Your house, your rules.

You do not have to explain or justify; just say you do not want her to bring the dog.

Christmas aside you need to sort the fear out or your child will be like this forever

No she won't. When I was a child I'd run out in front of cars rather than walk past dogs - my mum had to grab me if there was a dog walking towards us.

Funnily enough I made it to adulthood and I now run and can run past a dog. I'm not scared of them anymore, I just don't like them.

And it's not a phobia. A phobia is an irrational fear. It's not irrational to be fearful of dogs.

the multiple threads are starting to get ever more common and weird

They reflect the fact that there are so many dogs everywhere, that's all. Nothing weird about them.

"It's not irrational to be fearful of dogs". Absolutely agree! Much more logical to be afraid of dogs than, for example, spiders (in the UK at least!).

It's not irrational to be fearful of dogs. - especially if you are a small person and they are bigger than you and jumping about and making a loud barking noise. Fear sounds entirely logical to me!

Absolutely! Perhaps it would be more weird for a small child to NOT be afraid of them!

YANBU. Just say it like it is, all valid reasons. It's a dog, her dog not yours. I don't like it when people inflict their animals on others, you don't have pets so why would you want someone else's dog jumping all over your furniture and scaring your children?!