To ask friend not to bring dog

[iloveayankeecandle]

My friend has a dog. Likes to jump up a lot to start with but then calms down. My daughter hates dogs and my other daughter crawls now so is all over the place. We do not have a dog.
So at Christmas my friend comes over and previously has brought the dog with her. Well my eldest daughter now has a fear of dogs. My husband has said he doesn't want the dog round due to my daughters fear and other daughter being dog height with my crawler. I'm not keen either but don't want to hurt my friends feelings. AIBU?

@PleasantBirthday

Children are hardly to be compared with dogs?

No, but there's always posters on these threads who seem to think comparing the two is some sort of gotcha rather than ridiculous.

If this was me I wouldn't be the least bit offended and would be fine to leave my dog for a couple of hours to come and see you. I wouldn't be able to stay more than 1 or 2 hours but totally appreciate that not everyone loves my dog as much as I do. It would also be stressful for me to be worrying about the dogs every move (although my dog genuinely doesn't jump up at people).
Just be honest with your friend, I am sure she will understand.

@PleasantBirthday

Children are hardly to be compared with dogs?

🍿 👀

YANBU.
Why should your daughters Christmas be ruined because of a dog jumping about in her house?
Hate '' bouncy'' dogs (usually reads one that keeps jumping up on you and the owners can't be arsed to control them or think they're just' 'playing' '
It's your house, just say sorry no dogs this year.

@Iamanicepersonreally

Also, the dog should be perfectly OK for a couple of hours on its own, surely

This. Surely the friend works, shops, goes out without the dog for periods of time and leaves it at home. She can do so for a couple of hours. She can't always expect other people to want dogs in their homes; we don't allow it here.

How do ask ... Erm well gee. You don't you say

Hi friend, you aren't going to be able to bring your dog to our house.

End off

Jesus what are with some of these comments actually slagging small children off for daring to be afraid of an unprecictable animal that is probably bigger and stronger than them, one child has just started crawling ffs! -.-

No. They do not need to be around dogs/get used to dogs/stop being uncomfortable around dogs! You don't hear people saying, get help for fear of snakes, tarantulas ect. So why must a dog 'fear' automatically be seen as something needing fixed. It's crazy.

It is their home and they deserve to feel safe! You are the parent that is your responsibility. Glad your husband is willing to do that job.

As a grown woman with sensory issues and a still active startle reflex due to being premmie (dog barking particuarly triggers it and because I physically startle and no it can't be trained away, many dogs do go mental cause of it) I don't like being near dogs, not afraid- just do not like them. And frankly I'm team, sick of doggos being pandered to. A dog is not human. It has no concept of christmas or celebrating. Please put the actual humans living in your house, first. Your friend should understand.

Not a snowflake's chance in hell that I would prioritise a friend's dog over one of my children. Not happening. Who the hell thinks they can take their pets to someone else's house anyway? Bonkers (and yes we have had dogs and cats ourselves).

It's perfectly fine not to like dogs.

[quote alienbaby]@DickMabutt73962
Keeping kids swaddled in their safe space probably turns them into neurotic entitled adults yeah.[/quote]
No. In general people are far more ready to face the outside world with its dangers if they do have a safe space which is their own.

@ChrissyPlummer
"One of my friends is like this. Didn’t want her friend to bring dog to hers but always brings DC to everyone else’s house. My dog is far lesssmile demanding and noisy than children".

But the OP literally said she WOULDN'T go to her house... because she has a dog!

As a dog owner I work on the assumption that I can’t take my dogs anywhere, and I wouldn’t be in the least offended if someone asked me not to bring them. In fact I find it quite stressful when people say I can bring them or even just one of them (have three) because I worry that they’ll regret it. I always say ‘are you sure?’.

@80sMum

The dog worship in the UK winds me up

I second this! The level of "dog worship" in this country has become utterly ridiculous, in my opinion.

I am frequently astonished by the comments I see on social media regarding dogs; comments that clearly demonstrate that many dog-owners view their pets' needs as being a higher priority than almost everything (and everyone) else's.

So many people with dogs ignore all signs to keep their dog on a lead, for example. Why? They must have seen the signs, so I can only conclude that they deem their animals' needs to be above those of wildlife, the environment and other people.

Dogs are not "fur babies" (what a ridiculous term that is)! They are dogs. Yes, they can make excellent pets and provide companionship. They're loyal and often devoted to their owners and a very close bond develops between owner and dog. But they're still dogs!

✅✅✅

I wouldn’t dream of bringing my dog anywhere except my mum’s, some hours from my house, I’ve had to bring the dog for various valid reasons. He’s welcome here but I’m going to see an old mate this evening and the dog is staying at mum’s. I had a long chat with a relative about bringing him to her house and she was all for it. We kept them separate and then did careful introductions so they played/ignored each other.

I see this from both points .
Until about 6 years ago I was terrified of all dogs. I was ok as a child then got bitten when I a bit older. I still am wary of off lead dogs, despite owning an adorable little dog.

There are two seperate issues here.
1 You need to work on your dds fear of dogs . In that they are not all bad, they just get a little excited sometimes.

The other is your friend.
Depending how close she is to her dog. She may not want to come.
Our dog has seperation anxiety so is never left alone for more than a couple of hours where possible.

To those non dog owners, ours has brought so much happiness, helped illness,got us through, covid grief and depression. And saved me when I had a bad fall.

Given my fear was so bad, it was a shock when I got s dog.
Every coat has poo bags in a pocket and quite often dog treats

I love dogs and have 2. I don’t expect anyone to want my dogs in their house and don’t take them if I’m visiting friends/family houses unless the person has specifically said, ‘bring the dogs’.

Before we had dogs we had a cat and I would never have let anyone bring a dog to our house as it would have upset my cat. So it’s perfectly reasonable to not have a dog in your house when your daughter is scared, or even if she wasn’t.

One of my dogs can’t be left for very long so unless someone else was at home with her, I wouldn’t be able to come to your house for hours. That may be the same for your friend so it’s a possibility she may not be able to visit. Hopefully it won’t be an issue though. Just be honest, reasonable people would be fine with it, but if she’s not, do you want a friend who doesn’t care about your daughter feeling comfortable?

@iloveayankeecandle glad you’ve told her. Please try not to worry about the gifts for the kids; I know that’s easy for me to say. I’m sure you’ll make Christmas wonderful for your kids.

Bf rates are so, so low where I live so the vast majority formula feed, it's a small minority that bf now past 6 weeks, at least where I am.

Wrong thread

I think it would be a good opportunity to teach your children not to be scared of dogs, it's good to help them get over fears and help them be more confident in life in general. X

Dogs should not be around small children esp toddlers or crawling babies. And particularly if the young children do not live with the dog.
Your mum senses are ringing loud and clear. Please don’t ignore them.

I do not think having the dog in the house would work but, as it's a dog your dd knows, could you possibly suggest meeting up for a walk on Boxing Day or something? No dog on Christmas Day, but a familiar (hopefully well trained) dog to begin to help your dd with her anxiety around them. Just a thought...

YANBU and I say that as a dog owner. I’d leave my dog at home with no worries if it was for up to half a day.
If your friend absolutely 100% can’t leave the dog at home she either visits another time or brings a crate for the dog. But less stressful for your daughter and you to leave the dog at home.

@alienbaby

Just get your kids used to dogs.

This is why so many kids these days grow up to have various forms of anxiety

Why should her daughter just have to get used to jumping dogs. The dog should be trained not to jump up. Tell your friend the dog can’t come.

Don’t ruin your Xmas day because of a dog. Dog can stay at home. Your daughter will get over her dog fear in time and if it becomes a problem you can help her at some point. Family Xmas, friend invited not the dog. Ignore the usual belligerent brigade on here, your family comes first.

OP has said the visit isn't on Christmas Day, its a couple of hours on a random day close to Christmas. Just in case anyone missed the update.

Either way, your house, your rules.