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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask friend not to bring dog

294 replies

iloveayankeecandle · 21/11/2021 07:10

My friend has a dog. Likes to jump up a lot to start with but then calms down. My daughter hates dogs and my other daughter crawls now so is all over the place. We do not have a dog.
So at Christmas my friend comes over and previously has brought the dog with her. Well my eldest daughter now has a fear of dogs. My husband has said he doesn't want the dog round due to my daughters fear and other daughter being dog height with my crawler. I'm not keen either but don't want to hurt my friends feelings. AIBU?

OP posts:
keeptheaspidistra · 22/11/2021 17:57

@alienbaby

Just get your kids used to dogs.

This is why so many kids these days grow up to have various forms of anxiety

I half agree with you but I've gone the other way and taught my kids not to be overly familiar with any dogs other than our own. Getting "used to dogs" is such a sweeping statement when one nice child tolerant dog definitely does not mean they are all like that.
godmum56 · 22/11/2021 17:58

I love dogs. i own a dog. BUT if I am asked not to bring my dog then I am not offended. I can't go without him because he is old and wonky but that is my problem and nobody else's.

ittakes2 · 22/11/2021 18:02

I think you need to choose your family over your friend.

Pixylot · 22/11/2021 18:12

I think it’s wrong and arrogant that some people with dogs can’t accept that other people don’t like dogs - you wouldn’t insist on bringing a spider along to a party if someone had a fear of spiders! Why should someone who is scared of something have to put up with being around that same thing if they don’t want to be - just because the owner says “don’t be scared, he’s only playful” - as the dog launches at that person/licks them/play bites them. Why is it that the owner of the pet tries to make the person who does not like or feel comfortable around that dog, feel bad! Having a dog is a choice that is not for everyone. Owners should respect the fact that some people may be scared of them, and do not have to agree to letting them come into their home and personal space.

kelcys2175 · 22/11/2021 18:14

It's 1 day of the year. Can you not just tolerate the dog so that you don't upset your friend. I bet she would feel differently about coming if you told her the dog wasn't welcome.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 22/11/2021 18:15

@kelcys2175

It's 1 day of the year. Can you not just tolerate the dog so that you don't upset your friend. I bet she would feel differently about coming if you told her the dog wasn't welcome.
Exactly. It's one day of the year and the friend won't want to upset the OP.
Cowpad · 22/11/2021 18:18

I would definately want you to tell me not to bring the dog.I am a dog owner and the worst is,to be in a place where people either dont like/frighten of dogs.I would gladly stay at home with my dog and have a peaceful xmas with my best friend,the dog.

Coffeetree · 22/11/2021 18:27

And why the heck should the OP's daughter "face her fear" about dogs on Christmas day. Why does she even need to get over her aversion of dogs? Loads of people don't like dogs, that's normal.

MarvellousMonsters · 22/11/2021 18:31

@iloveayankeecandle

Sorry, should have said it's only for a couple of hours. Not for the whole day.
Perfectly reasonable. Explain just as you have here, small children, crawling babies and a busy day.

Another option is to get your friend to help your daughter overcome her fear. Meet up for a dog walk, in a place where the dog isn't confined in a house and your daughter can get used to being around dogs. Being terrified of dogs isn't a good way to carry on.

oakleaffy · 22/11/2021 18:41

@iloveayankeecandle
My son had a friends dog attempt to save he his face - we’d never been in her house before, I didn’t know she had a dog, and it came charging on snarling - I grabbed DS with lightning reflex, and the jaws snapped on air.
We have a well behaved , wormed and flea’d dog, but no way would I expect a parent to welcome a dog into their home

thing47 · 22/11/2021 18:41

Well neither will they grow up to be a paedophile., bank robber, conman, drunk driver, husband with a hobby (which turns out to be his secretary) or politician so by your reasoning dogs are better than children.

Well it's a numbers game, John. Yes, a tiny minority of people will fall into those categories when they grow up but most won't. They will be vastly outnumbered by adults who do contribute to society.

All dogs, every single one of them, will grow up to be… a dog.

oakleaffy · 22/11/2021 18:41

Edit “Savage” nor save his face.

maybloss2 · 22/11/2021 18:43

Your friends dog won’t be alone all day, since it’s just a 2hour visit.
I think you are right. And Doing everything you can to help your daughter. It’s your house too. So I vote no dog on this occasion.
And be honest with friend.

ChrissyPlummer · 22/11/2021 18:44

@BoredZelda yes I can, he doesn’t like it though and neither do I. He is very rarely left alone at all as DH is retired. The only time he’d be left alone is of DH has a hospital appointment and I’m at work. Our neighbours leave their dog at home all day, from about 8:30-16:00. I think that’s cruel and wouldn’t do it, a vet wouldn’t recommend it either.

My friend can also legally leave her DC with her DH if I ask her to meet for lunch/shopping/whatever. The fact she thinks I’d be delighted to see them is baffling to me. I’d much rather the two of us met up with our respective dogs.

Cameleongirl · 22/11/2021 18:54

@iloveayankeecandle

Sorry, should have said it's only for a couple of hours. Not for the whole day.
Many dogs are fine being left for a couple of hours, ours certainly is. I know that's not the case for all dogs, but it may be for hers.

So I'd explain the situation to her and hope it all works out.

lucie82 · 22/11/2021 18:57

It's very easy to say get your child used to dogs. My daughter would run into traffic to avoid dogs, I would not allow one to come into her home. If your friend has a problem with letting your child feeling safe in their own home then I would re evaluate the friendship.

BigFatLiar · 22/11/2021 18:58

Just tell her, no dog please. It's Christmas and your daughter should be having fun at home. I sort of agree that it would be best to try and get her over her fear but just now I'd focus on your daughter simply having a nice Christmas.

Original poster
iloveayankeecandle · 22/11/2021 19:00

Thank you all for your replies. Obviously I know to put my family before my friends. I just wanted to see how to broach the situation with my friend and whether it seems harsh as she's always brought the dog in previous years.
It's quite obvious that i need to be honest with her. She does have family she can leave the dog with and she regularly does that. However I am also going to suggest that maybe we go for a walk or something else if she really needs to bring the dog. I just don't like upsetting people.

OP posts:
Somersetlady · 22/11/2021 19:04

@alienbaby nobody should have to put up with a dog jumping up at them.

Only shit dog owners who do not care allow this.

Somersetlady · 22/11/2021 19:09

@iloveayankeecandle don’t worry about her response. I’m sure that she will be fine with leaving the dog elsewhere.

We have a dog and people with dogs stay but NOT if they are badly behaved, jump up at the children or are allowed on the sofa!

Two people I have said dog not welcome (after poor behaviour) again and both owners were fine with it.

One friend stayed locally at pet friendly hotel as she wanted her dog to sleep in her bed and we don’t allow our dogs upstairs or in bed! She was also fine about it.

Each to their own.

Somersetlady · 22/11/2021 19:11

@Pixylot

I think it’s wrong and arrogant that some people with dogs can’t accept that other people don’t like dogs - you wouldn’t insist on bringing a spider along to a party if someone had a fear of spiders! Why should someone who is scared of something have to put up with being around that same thing if they don’t want to be - just because the owner says “don’t be scared, he’s only playful” - as the dog launches at that person/licks them/play bites them. Why is it that the owner of the pet tries to make the person who does not like or feel comfortable around that dog, feel bad! Having a dog is a choice that is not for everyone. Owners should respect the fact that some people may be scared of them, and do not have to agree to letting them come into their home and personal space.
Well said @Pixylot.
oakleaffy · 22/11/2021 19:13

@iloveayankeecandle

Thank you all for your replies. Obviously I know to put my family before my friends. I just wanted to see how to broach the situation with my friend and whether it seems harsh as she's always brought the dog in previous years. It's quite obvious that i need to be honest with her. She does have family she can leave the dog with and she regularly does that. However I am also going to suggest that maybe we go for a walk or something else if she really needs to bring the dog. I just don't like upsetting people.
My mum dislikes dogs She is 82. She has been knocked off her bike by dogs and the dog walkers didn’t even check she was ok. At age 80. Sister in law has a maniac untrained off lead dog that tore through mum's house into the garden , straight into the pond where it was covered in mud and weed, and it then ran back into Mums house while SIL looked on with a feeble “ What can I do?” Expression. Mum has only just allowed me to visit with our dog - but I’ll make sure dog is as quiet and unobtrusive as a cat.
Somersetlady · 22/11/2021 19:15

I’m really scared of snakes. Prehaps I should get someone who loves their snake dearly to bring it round on Christmas Day because it will really improve the day for me………

The logic on this thread is bats. The poor child should have a wonderful day in her own home dog free.

Unsure33 · 22/11/2021 19:15

I am a dog owner and I would never assume I could take a dog to someone else’s house . Also if I had young children visiting I would move them to another room . Only because they love people and children and they do get over excited .

I am sure she will understand .

Georgyporky · 22/11/2021 19:15

Don't ask - just tell.