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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask friend not to bring dog

294 replies

iloveayankeecandle · 21/11/2021 07:10

My friend has a dog. Likes to jump up a lot to start with but then calms down. My daughter hates dogs and my other daughter crawls now so is all over the place. We do not have a dog.
So at Christmas my friend comes over and previously has brought the dog with her. Well my eldest daughter now has a fear of dogs. My husband has said he doesn't want the dog round due to my daughters fear and other daughter being dog height with my crawler. I'm not keen either but don't want to hurt my friends feelings. AIBU?

OP posts:
MindyStClaire · 21/11/2021 09:16

Hi Jane. Can't wait to see you and catch up. Unfortunately between Mary crawling and Sarah's phobia, having a dog in the house at the moment just isn't possible, so Rover won't be able to come. Completely understand if that changes things for you, but we really would love to see you and hear all what .

JenniferWooley · 21/11/2021 09:22

@AnkleDeep

I don't understand why dog owners think it's ok to take their pets to homes which have no animals. It really isn't ok, unless you ask first and accept no as an answer.

This exactly!

But it's usually always dogs people want to bring to others homes although I'm sure my friends & family would be equally unimpressed if I rocked up with the guinea pigs in tow Grin

OP just tell her not to bring the dog.

liveforsummer · 21/11/2021 09:26

Sounds like the dd is used to this particular dog being in her home so would likely be fine even though scared of other dogs, however if you don't want it in your house you don't want it in your house. In this circumstance I'd probably bring my dog and leave in the car (providing it will be parked somewhere safe/directly outside the property) that way dog can get walked mid way through the visit.

Yaya26 · 21/11/2021 09:26

Ask her not to bring dog. Failing that if it's only for a couple of hours could you explain and ask friend beforehand not to let the dog any further than utility or porch?

liveforsummer · 21/11/2021 09:27

But it's usually always dogs people want to bring to others homes although I'm sure my friends & family would be equally unimpressed if I rocked up with the guinea pigs in tow

I'd adore it if you brought guinea pigs for a visit, probably wouldn't be wise though, as my terrier would love it too

frankie001 · 21/11/2021 09:33

I still always ask before bringing my dog to others houses. I know they won’t say no, but it’s still polite. I wouldn’t be offended if they said no though.

billy1966 · 21/11/2021 09:35

I think it is hugely entitled to assume you can bring a dog to a home without one.

I have never come across it.

As for tip toeing around her, in your own home, that is really strange.

Your children are your priority, not some dog and how to humour its owner.

Many, many dog owners are very considerate, they don't for a minute think their dog is entitled to enter any and every home.

@MindyStClaire, excellent text.

BoredZelda · 21/11/2021 09:36

Just get your kids used to dogs.

Oh do fuck off with this.

This is why so many kids these days grow up to have various forms of anxiety

Bollocks. My daughter has been afraid of animals since about birth. Nothing happened, she just, for some reason, is afraid of them. There is absolutely no reason we should force her to face her fears at a young age just to enable entitled twats who think they should be allowed to take their dogs everywhere and let them run about freely. Her anxieties stem from something none of us have any control over and her life is difficult enough without us forcing things on her to make other peoples lives easier. We have worked over the years to make her more comfortable with dogs but there is no way we’d allow a guest to bring a badly behaved dog to the house.

She has been through things most adults never have to deal with, faced fears many would struggle with and is braver than most people I know. So anyone who thinks she should “just get used to dogs” can shove it up their arse.

My parents “cured” my fear of dogs when I was about 6 by agreeing to look after my aunties dog whilst they went abroad for a few years. It was one of the hardest times of my life and I still resent them for it. Feeling afraid all the time as a 6 year old, in the one place you are supposed to feel safe, is not a good thing.

Yogaandcocoa · 21/11/2021 09:37

It really is a "your horse, your rules" situation. If telling her doesn't go down well, she isn't much of a friend.

Is she wanting to bring a horse too Grin

BoredZelda · 21/11/2021 09:38

Christmas aside you need to sort the fear out or your child will be like this forever

More nonsense.

PhilCornwall1 · 21/11/2021 09:45

@Yogaandcocoa

It really is a "your horse, your rules" situation. If telling her doesn't go down well, she isn't much of a friend.

Is she wanting to bring a horse too Grin

Love to see them get that bugger through the front door!
EdgeOfTheSky · 21/11/2021 09:46

“Hi friend, on this visit would it be ok for DDog to stay at home? Dc2 is at crawling stage. Thank you!”

Then deal with Dd1 dog fear in your own time, and enjoy a Christmas visit rather than turning it into a dog-fear-therapy session.

I have 2 dog owning friends. Both assume that the default position is that an invitation does not extend to the dog. To friend with the dog who lies on the floor calmly til home time I say ‘do bring dog if you like’. To friend with dog that dashes about, tries to go upstairs, jumps on the sofa and seems to have uncertain house training, I don’t.

ChloeCrocodile · 21/11/2021 09:48

Keeping kids swaddled in their safe space probably turns them into neurotic entitled adults yeah

Ensuring children have a safe space at home allows them to be more confident in public because they have somewhere they can retreat to if needed.

KurtWilde · 21/11/2021 09:53

Absolutely your home, your rules. But i do think if you say 'DD is frightened of dogs now after a bad experience..' your friend is going to say 'yes but she knows Ddog and you know Ddog is friendly and wouldn't hurt her..' which, from what you've written here, is correct.

I'd probably just say it's due to baby crawling now tbh rather than your DDs new fear of dogs.

Flowers500 · 21/11/2021 10:26

Your child needs to get over her fear. I’d say bring the dog, it doesn’t have to be in the room all the time

underneaththeash · 21/11/2021 10:30

I wouldn't dream of bringing our dog to someone else's house, or (if we had them) my horse/cat/hamster/
It can just stay at home it's only for a few hours. Dog owners need to get their pets used to staying alone for a few hours.

BikeMyCycle · 21/11/2021 10:30

@alienbaby

Just get your kids used to dogs.

This is why so many kids these days grow up to have various forms of anxiety

Eye roll.

I had a fear of dogs growing up, it’s not a new thing 🙄

DarlingFell · 21/11/2021 10:31

Well you can ask her and if she doesn’t want to leave her dog then that’s that. Some people literally cannot leave their dogs at all, not even for 30 mins, one of my friend’s dogs is like this. I have two dogs and don’t mind her bringing hers when she visits (the more the merrier) but she has lost some friendships that have asked her to visit them sans dog.

It’s your house, you have the right to ask, equally your friend has the right to cancel her visit.

And yes as you have acknowledged, you need to get your daughter over her dog fear.

BikeMyCycle · 21/11/2021 10:35

@Flowers500

Your child needs to get over her fear. I’d say bring the dog, it doesn’t have to be in the room all the time
That’s awful please don’t do this. My niece has a fear and you can’t just ‘get over it’ and as a girl I also had a fear. Bringing a dog into her own home is a horrible thing to do. Unless you had a fear of dogs as a small child then you don’t really have the understanding of what it’s like. It might be irrational but it’s real.

Just say no and your friend can decide. My DH family all have dogs and whilst I am fine with dogs now and so is my DD, I hate them coming and only allow it during the summer when they can go in our big garden.

FestiveMayo · 21/11/2021 10:36

@Flowers500

Your child needs to get over her fear. I’d say bring the dog, it doesn’t have to be in the room all the time
No they don't. And if they did want to overcome it having a dog forced in their space is not the way to do it.
ThinWomansBrain · 21/11/2021 10:36

You're very generous to invite your friend to join your family christmas - just say that she is very welcome to join you, but not with the dog,
If it's only for a couple of hours, the dog should be fine on his own.

DottyHarmer · 21/11/2021 10:37

I wouldn’t dream of taking my dog to someone’s house (and he was a lovely well-behaved dog).

A woman did approach me in the park one day and ask if her little girl who was terrified of dogs could use Dog as a “training aid”. Dog didn’t much like it as she was screaming blue murder, but he sat there a bit confused as the mother was trying to encourage her to stroke him.

Willyoujustbequiet · 21/11/2021 10:38

Just tell her no dog. You don't have to justify or explain.

Some people don't care for dogs and owners just need to learn to deal with that.

ThinWomansBrain · 21/11/2021 10:39

I do agree with PP that working with your children to reduce their fear of dogs would probably be a good thing - but plonking a dog in their midst on Christmas day is definitely not a great way to go about it.

claymodels · 21/11/2021 10:41

@alienbaby

Just get your kids used to dogs.

This is why so many kids these days grow up to have various forms of anxiety

Kids don't grow up to have anxiety because they didn't like someone else's dog in their personal space Hmm