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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask friend not to bring dog

294 replies

iloveayankeecandle · 21/11/2021 07:10

My friend has a dog. Likes to jump up a lot to start with but then calms down. My daughter hates dogs and my other daughter crawls now so is all over the place. We do not have a dog.
So at Christmas my friend comes over and previously has brought the dog with her. Well my eldest daughter now has a fear of dogs. My husband has said he doesn't want the dog round due to my daughters fear and other daughter being dog height with my crawler. I'm not keen either but don't want to hurt my friends feelings. AIBU?

OP posts:
Immaculatemisconception · 21/11/2021 07:56

Mumsnetters generally hate dogs! You’ve got no chance of a balanced response.

Franklyfrost · 21/11/2021 07:56

@iloveayankeecandle
her dog is like her baby

A dog is not equivalent to a baby. Is your friend unwell and needs it for a medical reason or emotional support? Otherwise I’d assume she leaves the house without the dog fairly often and could cope. How long is your friend coming around for?

Mayra1367 · 21/11/2021 07:56

Dog lover / owner here .
If it’s only for a few hours then it’s fine for the dog to be left at home . Just say what you said here , I’m sure your friend would understand.
As a dog owner I’m always careful about dogs and children . Your concerns are not unreasonable.

Looubylou · 21/11/2021 07:57

Have you banned your friend from buying a present for your daughters too? Or just adult presents? As she is child free, she might experience a lot of pleasure from the present giving, and feeling part of things. It is also a little late to say don't buy presents. Lots of people already have. I'm afraid the dog request on top of that, might make your friend feel pushed out, so be prepared. I stand by what I said earlier about the dog visit however.

skodadoda · 21/11/2021 07:58

@alienbaby

So is this going to be your daughters life then? Breaking down in parks and cowering around every street corner because she had a bad experience with a dog and you are going to deepen that so it turns into a phobia?

Why dont you tell your friend what happened and see whether your friend bringing her dog can be organised to actually help your daughter overcome her bad experience

Don’t be so ridiculous! OP has not said anything that implies the conclusion to which you’re leaping.
VaccineSticker · 21/11/2021 07:59

Never mind the dog, your house your rules. Tell her as it is.
Dog will be ok for two at Home no big deal.

PinkSyCo · 21/11/2021 08:00

@PinkSyCo I've just told her that I want to stop gift giving and that didn't go down too well. Which is why I'm wondering how the please do not bring your dog will go down.

Oh dear, you really should have left that one until next year when hopefully you’d sorted out your DD’s fear of dogs. Are you sure the truth is that you’d prefer that your friend didn’t come as well as her dog?

PhilCornwall1 · 21/11/2021 08:00

Surely if you don't want the dog there, just say "don't bring the dog". If she gets funny about it, let her get funny about it.

Just because she has a dog, she shouldn't expect others to show any interest in it.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 21/11/2021 08:01

@alienbaby

Just get your kids used to dogs.

This is why so many kids these days grow up to have various forms of anxiety

Also consider getting a snake, a bear, a lion and a huge spider to acclimatise your kids.

and a shark

Grin
PlumManor · 21/11/2021 08:02

I like dogs and no fear of them but I don’t want someone else’s dog in my house. If I wanted a dog in the house I would have one of my own.!

alienbaby · 21/11/2021 08:03

I mean this is going to be a pretty shit Christmas from her POV really isnt it? No dog and no presents. Yay.

RobinPenguins · 21/11/2021 08:03

Of course you should ask her not to bring it, if she’s offended by that she’s a dickhead. My friends know their dogs are not welcome in my house, it doesn’t mean I don’t like my friends.

ContadoraExplorer · 21/11/2021 08:05

If she isn't comfortable then it's your house and you're absolutely entitled to say no. The only thing to consider is that it's a familiar dog to her and, aside from the 5 mins of excitement, is OK so might be a good way to help her get over the fear that the other dog has created?

Sunsetttt · 21/11/2021 08:06

@iloveayankeecandle

Sorry, should have said it's only for a couple of hours. Not for the whole day.
If it’s only a couple of hours, then there won’t be a problem with the dog staying home. It’ll get a walk in the morning, then another when she gets back.

Just be really honest with her and tell her you know how important the dog is, but your daughter is frightened now and it would be a lot to deal with on Christmas Day.

But maybe another day - after Christmas - if this is a calm and nice dog and your friend is willing, perhaps the dog can help your daughter get over her fear? In a controlled and safe way for both her and the dog, of course.

Original poster
iloveayankeecandle · 21/11/2021 08:10

@alienbaby she's not coming for Christmas Day. We've arranged for another day. I can barely afford gifts for my own children this year, let alone a grown up who should understand.

OP posts:
Original poster
iloveayankeecandle · 21/11/2021 08:11

@TwoLeftSocksWithHoles 😂😂😂😂 I hate spiders. I really don't want to be acclimatized to them!

OP posts:
yourestandingonmyneck · 21/11/2021 08:12

As usual some very OTT responses here Hmm

I like dogs and have owned dogs in the past.

I couldn't be arsed with a big, excitable dog coming on Christmas Day.

She's only coming for a few hours, just ask her if she can leave the dog at home this time. You don't need a reason. The dog will be fine for a few hours.

Original poster
iloveayankeecandle · 21/11/2021 08:14

@PinkSyCo oh gosh no. I really love her and her company and am very much looking forward to seeing her.
We've arranged to see each other and then agreed on the presents. Then my husband mentioned yesterday about her bringing the dog and said ill have to ask her not to bring the dog. Then I just started feeling bad about it all.

OP posts:
Original poster
iloveayankeecandle · 21/11/2021 08:14

Sorry all, friend isn't coming Christmas Day, she's coming another day just for a few hours in the afternoon.

OP posts:
Indoctro · 21/11/2021 08:17

A dog can stay at home for a few hours it's no issue for it to stay home

flowerarrangement · 21/11/2021 08:17

Just tell her OP. FWIW, after a lifetime of dog ownership I am now without a dog and I really don't want someone else's dog in my house, on my new carpets, on my furniture (which my dog never did).

My house, my rules.

BoudiccaBee · 21/11/2021 08:18

Just tell her
If it's for a couple of hours the dog should be ok on its own after a long walk and left with a Kong with treats
I have a very large dog and I wouldn't even think about taking it to someone elses house if they had young children that were fearful
If she's a good friend she'd understand

pompomsgalore · 21/11/2021 08:19

Hi (friends name), can't wait to see you on (date of meeting). Any chance you can leave bouncy dog behind this year as we are having a few difficulties with DD and dogs and I don't want to undo all the good we've done so far. In fact maybe I could pick your brains on the topic when you come?

BubbleCoffee · 21/11/2021 08:20

*Also consider getting a snake, a bear, a lion and a huge spider to acclimatise your kids.

and a shark*

Grin
pilates · 21/11/2021 08:21

If she is only coming for a few hours in the afternoon then the dog will be fine to be left. I would be very surprised if she is offended especially after you explain the bad experience your DD had.

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