To ask friend not to bring dog

[iloveayankeecandle]

My friend has a dog. Likes to jump up a lot to start with but then calms down. My daughter hates dogs and my other daughter crawls now so is all over the place. We do not have a dog.
So at Christmas my friend comes over and previously has brought the dog with her. Well my eldest daughter now has a fear of dogs. My husband has said he doesn't want the dog round due to my daughters fear and other daughter being dog height with my crawler. I'm not keen either but don't want to hurt my friends feelings. AIBU?

Even if not Christmas Day itself, the Christmas season is challenging re dogs - lots of chocolate, food containing raisins, smashable baubles within reach, tree-as-indoors-urinal etc

Don't expect somone to leave a dog for more than 4 hours (including travelling time) unless the dog is regularly left home alone, in which case it could cope with a little longer as a one-off

I don't understand why dog owners think it's ok to take their pets to homes which have no animals. It really isn't ok, unless you ask first and accept no as an answer.

@iloveayankeecandle

Thing is, she's always brought the dog and it's been fine. But daughter had a bad experience with a dog since the last visit and I'd really not rather spend the entire visit of having to calm her down and have her hiding in her own home. I also have no idea what the dog would be like with the baby. I just feel really bad. She has no children of her own so her dog is like her baby.

Christmas aside you need to sort the fear out or your child will be like this forever

If is only for a couple of hours explain daughter is now afraid and can she leave dog in the car with window open a bit and a blanket and some snacks. Our dog would be perfectly happy with this and she can pop in and out to him. And my dog is very needy!! If she brings him for a nice long walk before coming to yours too he will likely to tired out anyway and happy to snooze in the car.

Do try work on your daughters fear though. So many children are terrified of dogs these days for whatever reason but Christmas isn’t the time to fix this problem as it’s a special day for the kids.

I have a dog and would be fine with your request, my dog is rarely left alone for long but a few hours would be fine. If it wasn't fine I would decline the invitation with absolutely no resentment.

Asking if your friend can leave her dog for two hours, not on Christmas Day, seems reasonable.

Its your house and your boundaries. What's your priority- your friend and her dog, or your DC at Christmas?

We have a dog, will be going to a dog free house for an hour or so on Christmas Day. Wouldn't dream of bringing him with us.

Do try work on your daughters fear though. So many children are terrified of dogs these days for whatever reason

Because so many of them are having really negative experiences of dogs, perhaps. The answer to that isn’t more dogs.

There would be asking. They’d be told not this year due to the children

no asking I mean

@alienbaby

Just get your kids used to dogs.

This is why so many kids these days grow up to have various forms of anxiety

Kids grow up to have anxiety because they're not used to dogs?

Surely the dog will be fine at home for a couple of hours? We have a gentle lovely spotty girl .However we have never taken her to anyones house ! I think your DF will be fine about it .I would not expect to take mine out to someones house .

I agree with others, help your daughter face her fears. A dog phobia isn't easy.

However, you absolutely shouldn't have the dog in your home if you don't want. I am biased though as people have turned up with their dog to my home with cats though. You just need to tell her outright. Things have changed and the dog can't come in the house now.

@RobinPenguins

Do try work on your daughters fear though. So many children are terrified of dogs these days for whatever reason

Because so many of them are having really negative experiences of dogs, perhaps. The answer to that isn’t more dogs.

And probably because entitled dog owners let their ‘beloved’ dogs run right up to (and often scare the shit of young children - where to then it would feel like a horse was running towards them as a comparison to how it would feel to us)

Yes Rufus might just be ‘excitable’ and is coming bounding and running over and sniffing you up and down because he wants to say hello, but guess what? Not everyone wants a strangers dog running towards them to ‘play’

Owners should be more socially aware and realise that not everyone is besotted with their pooch.

Do try work on your daughters fear though. So many children are terrified of dogs these days for whatever reason

Or just accept some people just don't like dogs or want to be around them.

I wouldn't ask her not to bring the dog. I'd tell her. It's your home. Put your daughters first.

Personally I’d not do this, your daughter knows the dog. I’d not enable and validate her fear by not having the dog there.

Have to love Mumsnet.

When the pandemic started it was full of people too 'distressed' to wear masks that sent them spiralling into meltdowns with everyone in their corner, but your daughter should get over her trauma and learn to live with dogs 🙄

I don't let anyone bring a dog into my house.

@DickMabutt73962
Keeping kids swaddled in their safe space probably turns them into neurotic entitled adults yeah.

[quote alienbaby]@DickMabutt73962
Keeping kids swaddled in their safe space probably turns them into neurotic entitled adults yeah.[/quote]
Ok Dr Alienbaby 👍🏽

Ignore the harsh uncaring idiots here who care more for their dogs than children.
You don't want dog in your house on that day. It is your decision.
The way to get your child more comfortable around dogs is gradually and somewhere else. Visit and leave, don't make them feel home is being invaded and taken over.
Perhaps for a walk, in your friends garden in your garden. Don't rush things.
Try and get them to see close up other animals calves, horses even cats. but don't expect them to touch them if they are reluctant.
They might like animals but not want pets in the house.

You need to frame this diffently. This is your house and your children; you are not asking you are telling.

@alienbaby what a totally
Bizarre response.