Sil charging for one off babysitting

[Dalalalada]

I feel quite angry about this and i probably shouldnt.

I habe never asked her to babysit and tonight the sitter pulled out at the last min, and we are going out for my birthday tonight tickets are bought and paid for.

I was panicking trying to find somone else on the sitter site and dp called sil who will be at home cause her partner is out.

She said she would need payment!

For some reason its really rubbed me up thr wrong way!

Aibu?

The thing is the SIL isn't saying she's unavailable, she's saying she's available but only if she's paid.

I babysit for my SIL and BIL every couple of months. Mostly with my DH but occasionally alone if he's away. It's just a nice thing to do. They're always grateful and I can't imagine they'd ever throw a strop if we said neither of us were free. There's nothing entitled in their request for some occasional free babysitting.

This is on Stephs Packed Lunch . They are discussing this story right now .. mixed reviews it seems

out of order i never expect payment maybe bit of dinne ror some snacks-theyre my family if she didnt want to do it she shold have just said no

@Shedmistress

That's well cheeky, especially as she's not doing anything

Just because a woman is home alone doesn't mean she isn't doing anything.

Fair enough but if she was she would have said rather than saying she'd need paying

Don't be selfish and pay it.

@Mirw

Don't be selfish and pay it.

Late in and coudln't be arsed to read the whole thread @Mirw?

Why is she missing put on relationships with her family just because she asks to be paid to provide childcare, on a night where she may very well have something planned? She also might have been planning a phone or a Zoom call with a long distance friend, for example. Thinking that someone is unavailable just because they are at home is an unfair assumption. How do you also know that the SIL doesn't work really hard and that her time to herself is few and far between Expecting babysitting for free doesn't show much value or respect for someone either, and maybe the SIL doesn't value being expected to cancel her plans which she may have been looking forward to for weeks.
The whataboutery is strong here.

It she had plans she could just say no, something most people manage to do when they have plans and can't do something or don't want to do something.

She can't have had amazing plans she was looking forward to for weeks if she would drop them for some petty cash babysitting.

I hope you, like the others who think charging family for help, never ask your family for help without asking them to invoice you for their time.

As you do lots for her and it is family and she has never been put upon, then I don't blame you at all for feeling hurt! Glad you found someone else and have a lovely time!!

Don't be selfish and pay it

Its not selfish ...and anyway, read the thread before commenting! .

I saw this on a Snapchat news story earlier!!

@LolaSmiles
Why are we assuming the SIL was available though just because she was at home? That's more the assumption that has been made.
SIL was home but obviously did not want to babysit, most likely because it would have disrupted the evening she had planned for herself, which is entirely fair enough. Why should she feel bad for wanting her evening to herself? I work and know that I look forward to quiet evenings I get (for me, once my kids are in bed, asleep).
It does seem the OP and SIL aren't that close too. I'm similarly not that close to my SIL, and so wouldn't expect her to babysit anyway, as it would just seem cheeky. I would feel awkward of my husband asked because it would just seem like then she might feel she has to agree because he asked...but then I'd understand her being a bit pissed off, because it could seem like I'd told him to ask.. Of course this might not be the OP/SIL's situation at all, but we don't know the full ins and outs, so to speak, or the full history.
I think bottom line is, don't expect free babysitting off anyone, regardless of whether they are related to you anyway. If you need childcare, then pay for someone to look after your child, preferably a childcare professional who has experience of looking after children, and first aid training too...and pay them.

Oh and no, I never expect anything from my family. They are miles away anyway and my husband's family are usually busy working or looking after their own children. I pay for professional childcare when I need it. I'm a childcare professional myself, and actually understand the importance of quality childcare witu trained professionals, as opposed to slipping auntie Flo a fiver for their time, or as in this case, nothing.

You're right, you shouldn't be. I noticed you mentioned the fact that "her partner was out, and "she had nothing planned" to make your point seem more valid. The reality is is that just because that may have been the case, doesn't make her obligated to watch YOUR KIDS, especially for free. It's quite selfish to ask someone, last minute, for that kind of favor without compensating them for their time and trouble. You would pay a stranger but not your family?

While I generally watch my nieces and nephews for free, I also get why she might charge. Especially when you were going to pay a sitter and she was a last minute option. Watching kids is hard work especially last minute. Also consider she might be insisting on charging so that you don't frequently use her as an unpaid sitter, especially last minute.

Everybody has missed the Op's point that her SIL asks favours from her all the time which the op does. Now the one time the op asks for a favour in return then the cheeky fucker of a sil decides to charge. No more free favours for the cf sil anymore particularly as she expects the op to run errands for fer all the time.

@GiveMeYourDog

YABVU!!

Your kids, your problem.
I hate when people try and make their kids other people’s problem. So rude!!

There are some weird and petty people on this thread.

Leave the poor SIL alone.

Wow! Making the children her problem by asking for a one off babysit .

YANBU OP, hope you had a fab night!

could it be her way of letting you know she's offended that you didn't ask her in the first place? you chose to pay someone outside of the family to watch her niece/nephew. then when that fell through she's second choice?

@Welcometothejingles

Everybody has missed the Op's point that her SIL asks favours from her all the time which the op does. Now the one time the op asks for a favour in return then the cheeky fucker of a sil decides to charge. No more free favours for the cf sil anymore particularly as she expects the op to run errands for fer all the time.

The OP never specified what she does "loads of" for the SIL. It would be interesting to hear more.

I don't have a problem with a young woman placing a value on providing a domestic service. Watching kids is a big responsibility.

You don’t mention how many children you have, their ages, if their potty trained, special needs (?), are they well behaved, how many hours you planned to be away, etc. You also said you’ve never done this before, so does that mean your relationship with her is strained? Not knowing all the details, it’s harder to get a full picture of your situation, but as a parent, you should never expect anyone to take care of your children for free without offering to pay them up front. They shouldn’t have to ask for it, and they can always turn it down.

Of course she should pay! You were willing to pay a babysitter that cancelled (they don't work for free), so why wouldn't you pay the relative?? What her plans were are totally irrelevant. The woman is basically saying the relatives time isn't worth squat. Being related doesn't give you access to free. You were willing to pay the sitter so it's clearly not a $$$$ issue so why do you think you get a say in the relatives rates? I don't get people. You should be Grateful she was available for hire at the last minute. Sheesh lady. Check your privilege at the door!!!!

You are not only being unreasonable, you are being entitled. I get thinking you wouldn't have to pay family to watch your kiddos, I would never let my family pay me. But just because she doesn't feel the same way doesn't make her wrong.
I also had a similar situation where my sil asked for payment and my first reaction was, WTF. However, that's me putting my own expectations and standards on someone else. Just because we would do something one way doesn't mean someone else has to hold those standards.
The entitlement really shows when you assume because she was home alone with no plans to go out, that she should have been available to you for no cost. Sometimes a night in with nothing to do is all people want.
Also, you said you had a sitter so you were obviously planning on paying someone to watch your kids, why would you not just think to give whoever was watching your kids that money regardless of family or not?
You may not have been trying to be entitled or unreasonable, and it's very natural to feel taken aback when a family member decides they want pay to watch family, however that doesn't make them wrong. As I stated earlier, I wrestled with the same exact thing, so this isn't a slight to you. It's good you know now where she stands so you won't be surprised in the future.

It's irrelevant if she had plans or not. Being home alone can be the plan.

1. SIL may need money.
2. What are the children like? There are family/friends' children I would babysit for free- they are a delight to be around. On the other hand, and I am thinking of one child in particular, some children can be a nightmare. I mean a real nightmare, and you could offer me a couple of hundred to watch them for a few hours, and I might help.
3. Someone already mentioned this, but maybe hubby offered money right away, and since OP not on call, who knows what exactly was said. Or way it was said.

And by children being a nightmare, I meant their behavior. Children who have never been told "no", or are used to getting everything their way are almost impossible to babysit. Not the child's fault, obviously.