Sil charging for one off babysitting

[Dalalalada]

I feel quite angry about this and i probably shouldnt.

I habe never asked her to babysit and tonight the sitter pulled out at the last min, and we are going out for my birthday tonight tickets are bought and paid for.

I was panicking trying to find somone else on the sitter site and dp called sil who will be at home cause her partner is out.

She said she would need payment!

For some reason its really rubbed me up thr wrong way!

Aibu?

^ Reminds me of SIL. I was going back to work and planning on putting DC in pricey nursery. She said "I'll have them instead". Then told me I would have to pay her.

Turns out she'd found out how much the nursery were charging and thought she could undercut them and make some easy cash off me. Aah families.^

Regular childcare when you’re working age is entirely different to the odd evening of babysitting.

Next time she asks for a favour either tell her to bog off or just be unavailable. Stuff that. BTW I am the only one out of 4 siblings who has no kids and have looked after all their kids over the years.

Just wait until she wants a favour and say you need payment for it…..

Depends, does she have kids of her own? Will she already have her own kids at home ? If she doesn't have kids then I wouldn't be looking after anyone else's kids on a Saturday night for free either. If she does have kids at home with her already then she's just being petty.

YANBU and make sure you charge her the next time she needs something

@LolaSmiles

I agree it's odd, but from the responses on here it would appear that a great many people would expect to be paid to look after a family member's children It certainly explains a lot of the AIBU threads where I wonder whether some of the cheeky fuckery and bizarre family dynamics are for real.

I can't believe people think family members asking favours from each other is entitled and it's fine to charge family for favours.

MN is a different universe let alone planet! Family help each other out. I can understand charging if for example one party only takes but that's not how it generally works...

It depends on whether this is childcare or normal family relationship ?

I would have a chat to start you’re delighted to have her help amd pay - but it does make you realise that there’s been a gap in family bonding between aunt and neice etc

Would she like to plan a day , have them over , do something so the kids realise it’s not just a babaysotrer but an aunt - who should be special

Wouldn't have an issue. I pay my SIL, she never asks but I'm aware I'm taking her free time. It's not super often so it's not like an ongoing commitment

@Aquamarine1029

My guess is that she has fears of being taken advantage of because she's family, and in a way I don't blame her. Some people can really take the piss when it comes to expecting free childcare.

Some, not all. You obviously have experience

I wouldn't expect to be paid to babysit my niece/nephew BUT I would expect the parents to give me money for meal/snacks if this was a last minute ask and not pre-planned. I would also expect them to either drop the kid off to me or pick me up.

Honestly tho, no one is obligated to do anything for anyone, family or not. That's messed up, but true. Family should try to help each other when they can.

OP, if you did lots of things for her and she won't do this one thing for you, then now you know how she is and you can stop doing anything for her.

If it’s not an ongoing commitment from her - even less reason for her to charge

This is why my kids dont get pocket money for chores . We all do chores because we all want a happy functioning family home and we are not in the business of raising selfish wee b*ggers! And children get treats that because we love them and want to share our good fortune with them - not because everything ina family is transactional

I would blame DH’s upbringing ( only if I wanted Sh*TT to hit fan tho)

I'd never accept money for looking after my nieces and nephews- especially if I don't do it as a regular thing- I'd just be excited to spend some time with them.. she doesn't sound like the nicest Aunty /SIL

Just because she's home alone, how do you know she has no plans? She could have planned to have a night to herself, having a bit of a pamper, etc, or sorting her wardrobe out.. anything really. It would be a bit entitled to assume that she's just 'available' because she's home, and that she should give up her time because it's convenient for you, and unpaid. I wouldn't expect this of anyone, whether they are family or not.

SIL is the one who is missing out on her relationship with her families

Whether or not she wanted a night in to pamper - cash is not the currency that should be used in a family …
Not good form on her part . There is no reason to value the relationship with her above an ad hoc paid employee … says it all

I am hurt tbh! I do loads for her 😞

Well at least you know what to do next time she wants you to do something for you.

'Can you pick up x for me please'
'Yeah no problem, that will be £20 for petrol'

'Can you help with diy'
'Yeah that's fine, how does £10 an hour sound'

Tbh , I'd not even bother with that, I'd simply say 'no'

Yeh, I'd feel abit peeved with her too. Shes family and its not like you've asked before or take advantage etc.
I

What a nice Aunt......

Horrible, I can’t imagine ever doing this to a relative or friend. Don’t do any more favours for her or next time she asks make sure you ask for payment.

I am actually shocked at the amount of people who expect people, especially women, to provide childcare for free. Nobody owes you, stop being entitled brats - pay your way.

@3scape

I am actually shocked at the amount of people who expect people, especially women, to provide childcare for free. Nobody owes you, stop being entitled brats - pay your way.

Well yes, but when the OP has done her SIL lots of favours in the past, I'm sure she's not being entitled to expect one in return?

Nobody owes you, stop being entitled brats - pay your way

What a charming family you must have grown up in if you all charge each other to help. Someone dies… I’ll drop off a casserole with an invoice 🙄

I think the time may come when SIL has her own children and discovers the joy of trying to find suitable childcare. I suspect she won’t be enlightened enough to look back to this moment though.

@3scape

I am actually shocked at the amount of people who expect people, especially women, to provide childcare for free. Nobody owes you, stop being entitled brats - pay your way.

You’re actually shocked? I mean, really, truly shocked? Or are you just being a GF in a desperate attempt to shoehorn your pathetic ‘entitled brats’ into that sentence?

I am actually shocked at the amount of people who expect people, especially women, to provide childcare for free. Nobody owes you, stop being entitled brats - pay your way
I'm more shocked that anyone would genuinely believe it's acceptable to invoice families for perfectly standard favours.

Either you have a really bizarre family situation where you're all our for yourselves and seek to make money off your relatives, or you're being a bit of GF.

I was in my early twenties when my brother had children. I babysat for him and his wife many a weekday or weekend night, often at extremely short notice. They never so much as gave me a glass of wine. One night I insisted he drive me twenty minutes to town so I could catch up with my boyfriend on the night out I had been supposed to be on. He refused to drop me to the door saying I was being a princess (it was late and I didn't fancy walking through town alone). The next weekend he asked me to babysit again. I'd had enough and told him no problem but he had to pay for my taxi home (I'd previously always paid myself as I didn't drive). He mumbled about thinking about it and I didn't hear back from him.

Fast forward to now, I have children, his kids are grown up. I sometimes pay them to babysit. One night, neither of his were available, he said he would do it but he expected payment. The conversation did not end well.

@Overthinkingx3

SIL is the one who is missing out on her relationship with her families

Whether or not she wanted a night in to pamper - cash is not the currency that should be used in a family …
Not good form on her part . There is no reason to value the relationship with her above an ad hoc paid employee … says it all

Why is she missing put on relationships with her family just because she asks to be paid to provide childcare, on a night where she may very well have something planned? She also might have been planning a phone or a Zoom call with a long distance friend, for example. Thinking that someone is unavailable just because they are at home is an unfair assumption. How do you also know that the SIL doesn't work really hard and that her time to herself is few and far between? Expecting babysitting for free doesn't show much value or respect for someone either, and maybe the SIL doesn't value being expected to cancel her plans which she may have been looking forward to for weeks. Let's face it, it doesn't sound like the relationship is great with the SIL, or the OP wouldn't be posting here in the first place.