In not wanting to work?

[Cornhill]

I know I’m going to get a certain amount of hate for this, but I’m just writing about how I feel - not necessarily saying I am going to do anything about it.

I don’t want to work. I recently went back after having my first baby and I hate it. I feel like I’m stuffed in a building throughout the day, not getting to enjoy life at all. It all feels frantic, getting up rushing, rushing around all day, then at home just waiting until bedtime then start it all again.

My flexible working application was denied. I am looking for part time jobs but it’s extremely rare one actually comes up and the chances of a part time job being advertised within commutable distance and that I am successful in my application for seems pretty remote.

It seems so unfair on Dh to be the sole earner and I know all the arguments against being a SAHM. But life is so relentless. Things get forgotten about because just so busy.

I’m feeling fed up and grouchy about it all.

Ah well. I tried 🤷‍♀️. All the best of luck to you anyway op.

And yet still you are here, insisting you’re trying to be helpful and that you aren’t passive aggressive in the slightest

@DrSbaitso the issue is when you turn a thread into something you want someone to talk about rather than what they are actually talking about it becomes frustrating. I think Dh does his share but it isn’t an exact gauge.

I was just saying goodbye. I'm not being passive aggressive at all 🤷‍♀️

Goodbye and good luck

I was just saying goodbye

You were just having the last word more like

No, I was just being polite. You've misread me completely but I understand I'm unintentionally upsetting you, so I'll leave the thread if you like? But then you need to stop posting @ me really. Or do you need the last word yourself?

Yes, Winifred. I think leaving the thread would be an excellent idea.

@DrSbaitsothe issue is when you turn a thread into something you want someone to talk about rather than what they are actually talking about it becomes frustrating. I think Dh does his share but it isn’t an exact gauge.

Yes, but when a woman comes on here to say she's burning out, her partner's input is nearly always hugely relevant. So she may not want to talk about it, but perhaps she should. Indirectly, perhaps she is.

You've said you feel unappreciated and you wish he knew more of what you do. I think that's worth unpicking, given you're unhappy and heading for burnout. But if you don't want to talk about it, even to him, then I guess that's it.

Fair enough Dr but tbh I’m a bit wrung out with the thread now, after Winifred’s no-you-hang-up posts. Working FT is a drain and in teaching it’s pretty intense. I get no down time in the day and then full on in the evening too.

Look, you can't just post ABOUT me after ordering me off your thread.

I tried to be nice. You aren't in a good place and I'm sorry about that. I think you picked me as your personal puncing bag. I put up with it for a bit, and I was happy to stop posting at your request, but I absolutely won't let you continue to pick on me now you think I cannot respond. That is grossly unfair.

Feeling seriously sorry for @WinifredTheWondrous after all the shit you're getting! OP, you're out of order there tbh.

Sympathies OP

When I went back after both of my kids I was full time in a stressful full on job with arsehole clients

BUT I worked with the best people who made my day every day and that made it (almost) bearable and I also earned a lot (which cushioned the pain a bit!)

I know you say it's not teaching that's the problem but maybe have a rethink about other careers

Good luck and I hope it works out for you

@Cornhill

Fair enough Dr but tbh I’m a bit wrung out with the thread now, after Winifred’s no-you-hang-up posts. Working FT is a drain and in teaching it’s pretty intense. I get no down time in the day and then full on in the evening too.

I really don't think it's fair to blame her.

YANBU to want to give up work but YWBU to give up work and out all responsibility for family income on your husband’s shoulders in order to all you to ‘enjoy life’. Unless your husband is a very high earner and is happy to provide all the dosh I think you have a responsibility to bring in your share. Plus it leaves you less vulnerable should your marriage go tits up.

I hate my job right now. I find it very stressful but I’m a single person and I need to keep a roof over my head…. That’s just life unless you win the lottery

anger and resentment at your life from bluntness no less

Teaching is a seriously stressful job...that's why i left. Can you do supply?

No. I don’t mind the day to day teaching but I hate the lack of flexibility. Supply would be pointless because nursery costs wouldn’t be covered - I’d be paying to work.

I have no children but would love to give up work. Unfortunately I can't afford to. It's so hard to work full time, exercise, eat well and keep the house clean. I work in healthcare and am drained by the weekend.

No one wants to work. Not really. So YANBU to feel this way.
If I won millions, I’d stop working.
But it is necessary to life for most people.
But, in my opinion, you would be very unreasonable to act on this and pressure or expect your DH to support you.

Babies are not “get out of work” cards.

I think it’s the job, not working per se. I used to love mine, now I hate it, I used to bounce out of bed.

@Cornhill

anger and resentment at your life from bluntness no less

I thought the same.

But you need to accept right now it’s not an option for you.

OP has never said being a SAHM in the short term at least is not an option.

@PlanDeRaccordement

No one wants to work. Not really. So YANBU to feel this way. If I won millions, I’d stop working. But it is necessary to life for most people. But, in my opinion, you would be very unreasonable to act on this and pressure or expect your DH to support you. Babies are not “get out of work” cards.

I think it's a class issue - the middle classes can allow themselves to consider living off a single income. It's a question of opportunity, I guess. The working class (and not in a terribly well paid trade...) most likely wouldn't be posting these 'dilemmas'

@Cornhill

anger and resentment at your life from bluntness no less

Ahem.

OP, people are not mind-readers and they aren’t going to know the intricate details of your life. They have tried to be supportive, but you just seem all over the place and to be spoiling for an argument, to be honest.

Why don’t you talk to your husband about all this?