To invite 8 out of 13 girls from DD's class?

[Fr0thandBubble]

DD is in Y1 and she will be having a party at home (with an activity) for her birthday.

There are 13 girls in her class, and she wants to invite 8 of them - meaning that 9 girls would be at the party (including her), and 4 girls wouldn't be invited.

Is that bad? I can't decide! Don't have room for all of them so if the consensus is that it's bad I will tell her she can only invite 7 - which is a slightly better ratio of invited/not invited!

Oh ffs! 5 girls won't be invited. It's not like only 1 or 2 aren't invited. 5 won't be. There is nothing at all wrong with not inviting the entire class. I don't understand the replies on here, it's pathetic. It's not like you've invited all but 1 or 2 girls. There are FIVE not being invited, so that's ok. If you invited all girls but 1, then that would be unfair. There is nothing wrong with your plan. Proceed as it is. Whatever happened to children's innocence of being able to invite their friends to a party, without all these politics? Your plan in your OP is great as it is, don't let anyone make you feel bad. Don't make things more complicated for your daughter just because of PC small minded posters on here.

@Justwhy123

Oh good lord. I can’t believe some of the comments here! 🤦🏼‍♀️

Your child is entitled to invite whoever they want. It’s usually the parents of uninvited children who are more upset than the children themselves.

There will be plenty of parties…do whatever suits the birthday girl!

Exactly. The other (five!) girls who aren't close to the OP's daughter won't even know about it because they won't be close enough to the girl to even discuss it or even care either way. The histrionic wailing 'it's not fair!!' on here is pitiful. Truly pitiful. There is absolutely nothing wrong with inviting the girls your daughter is closest to. It's a private gathering! Not a class event! It's NORMAL!!

[quote Cassandrainthenight]@Pinkandpink (and all other mothers with a similar reaction) has it ever occurred to you that your daughter was gutted because you were gutted on her behalf, or that she picked up from you that this was something one should be gutted about??

If my daughter was gutted that she wasn’t at some birthday party, I’d seriously think we need to get a life! Who’s even keeping track who’s invited who’s not?
Talk about making your child insecure… just shrug it off and be relieved you don’t have to spend a part of your weekend in a sweaty church hall!
I could only understand being upset if it was their best friend not inviting them, but that wouldn’t ever happen randomly either…[/quote]
👏👏👏

Maybe it does depend on the school Dancingonmoonlight. I'm just speaking from my own experience and what I've observed in my children's classes. Any playdates my DC invite home are the same sex too, my (primary school aged) boys never want to invite girls over, for example.
How much of this is typical child development, and how much is learned behaviour, I don't know.

@Marynotsocontrary
It will indeed make a difference to the girls who are left out.
The birthday girl is entitled to invite whoever she wants to her party. Parties are for fun, not obligation. If another girl feels left out it's up to her parents to help her learn resilience. Not everyone gets invited to all of the parties, that's just how life is.

@TheGirlCat

Four girls left out, not five.

For many people (74% judging by voting) it's not normal behaviour to exclude young children like this. It unnecessarily hurtful and divisive imo.

@Dancingonmoonlight
Of course it makes a difference if you are one of the four GIRLS excluded. Think about that for a minute.
Those GIRLS should be reminded that they are one of 23 not invited, and encouraged not to limit their thoughts on life to their gender, and then encouraged to move on from what is clearly their parent's disappointment more than their own. I would think about it for less than a minute.

I cannot believe that a grown woman is debating whether it is okay to leave four little girls out of a party.

Will your little girl be okay with it when she’s left out of future parties?

Absolutely disgusting.

Just stick to inviting the girls your DD wants at the party.

All the girls will have completely forgotten all about whether they were invited or not to the party a few days after.

It's only the parents who will hold a grudge.

Who can afford and supervise a whole class party? It’s not possible when parents and an occasional sibling are included. Renting a hall or venue for an ordinary child’s party seems very pretentious and unreasonable. 8 guests are more than enough at that age?

I think it's fine. More of the class are NOT invited vs those that are. Does it matter if they are boys / girls?

It doesn't hurt to teach children at a young age that it's ok not to like / be liked by everyone and that money doesn't grow on trees so we have to make choices about who gets invited to what.

[quote imnotacelebritygetmeoutofhere]@Marynotsocontrary
It will indeed make a difference to the girls who are left out.
The birthday girl is entitled to invite whoever she wants to her party. Parties are for fun, not obligation. If another girl feels left out it's up to her parents to help her learn resilience. Not everyone gets invited to all of the parties, that's just how life is.[/quote]
Of course the OP is entitled to ask who she wants.
She asked for advice and opinions - if people thought it was bad to leave out four girls. At the moment most people do.

Of course life is hard, but this harshness is unnecessary, that's my point.
Why would you hurt children if you can avoid it?

Reading through the thread it's obviously the parents, not the children, who are the ones most hurt with wounded pride who still immaturely carry on. I can guarantee you the children got over it 5 minutes after they found out they didn't get an invite. If the children aren't good friends with the birthday person, they tend to understand and not care. It's the parents, as this thread shows, that make it all about themselves and are most offended. They do their children a disservice, and don't give their children enough credit. One even wanting to move schools just because their daughter doesn't get invites. I mean, this is so embarrassing and pitiful. If children aren't mollycoddled and driven to school at 15, not allowed to be left alone for one hour at age 14 then they are now having their parents wounded pride put on them. Some parents on here are more immature and ridiculous than the children. They need to get a grip, smarten up and pull themselves up before they really do damage to their children by giving them a complex because of their own wounded pride. The sooner children learn the realities of life, that 'not every child gets a prize', that they won't be invited to everyone's party, the better. It's parents using their children to justify their own wounded pride here that is the problem. Children forget about within minutes.

@TheGirlCat The OP literally says ‘4 girls wouldn't be invited.’ Not five. Leaving four little girls, four five/six year old very small children, out of a party is awful. We’re talking about kids who are practically babies and won’t understand why they’re not invited. You and the OP need to grow up and teach your kids that hurting their little school mates isn’t nice or necessary.

[quote Marynotsocontrary]@TheGirlCat

Four girls left out, not five.

For many people (74% judging by voting) it's not normal behaviour to exclude young children like this. It unnecessarily hurtful and divisive imo.[/quote]
She said to invite 8 out of 13. 13 - 8 is 5. So it's 5 girls left out. Even if it were 3, it would still be acceptable. It's only hurtful and divisive to the grandstanding parents. Not the the kids who forget about it 5 minutes after.

The other (five!) girls who aren't close to the OP's daughter won't even know about it because they won't be close enough to the girl to even discuss it or even care either way.

Come back when your child first comes home first in tears at not being invited. When you attempt to make light of it and then it happens again. When you have chats about how not everybody can afford to invite everyone. Then it happens again. When you attempt to teach your child 'resilience' and not everybody can be popular and in this case its her and three others. When your child tells you that the majority of the girls are going to a party they have spoken about excitedly for the week running up to it. When they return to school on Monday telling the teacher and everyone else what a wonderful party they had. When your child tells you about the parties, sleepovers and outings the other girls are going on. Worse when she stops telling you about them. When she comes home and you find her crying by herself in her room brushing away tears trying to assure you she knows it isn't a big deal and she is trying hard to accept her fate is not being included with the majority of girls because for some reason she isn't 'liked enough'. When you find your child hitting herself in her room because she must be 'ugly' and that must be why she is left out.
Come back after six years of dealing with all the above. It never gets easier for the child. Never.

FGS invite all of the girls, at that age it is really upsetting to be one of the few not invited.

[quote Breakingmad]@TheGirlCat The OP literally says ‘4 girls wouldn't be invited.’ Not five. Leaving four little girls, four five/six year old very small children, out of a party is awful. We’re talking about kids who are practically babies and won’t understand why they’re not invited. You and the OP need to grow up and teach your kids that hurting their little school mates isn’t nice or necessary.[/quote]
@Breakingmad But she literally said to invite 8 out of 13. 13 - 8 = 5. Not 4. Even if it were 3, it would be acceptable. You and the others need to grow up and teach children they won't be invited to everything. It's the grandstanding adults taking offence. Having worked in a school I can promise you the children forget about it 5 minutes after learning they're not invited. Parents like you do a lot of damage.

I can guarantee you the children got over it 5 minutes after they found out they didn't get an invite.

It's ridiculous you think you can speak for all children @TheGirlCat

@Dancingonmoonlight

The other (five!) girls who aren't close to the OP's daughter won't even know about it because they won't be close enough to the girl to even discuss it or even care either way.

Come back when your child first comes home first in tears at not being invited. When you attempt to make light of it and then it happens again. When you have chats about how not everybody can afford to invite everyone. Then it happens again. When you attempt to teach your child 'resilience' and not everybody can be popular and in this case its her and three others. When your child tells you that the majority of the girls are going to a party they have spoken about excitedly for the week running up to it. When they return to school on Monday telling the teacher and everyone else what a wonderful party they had. When your child tells you about the parties, sleepovers and outings the other girls are going on. Worse when she stops telling you about them. When she comes home and you find her crying by herself in her room brushing away tears trying to assure you she knows it isn't a big deal and she is trying hard to accept her fate is not being included with the majority of girls because for some reason she isn't 'liked enough'. When you find your child hitting herself in her room because she must be 'ugly' and that must be why she is left out.
Come back after six years of dealing with all the above. It never gets easier for the child. Never.

I was that child, @Dancingonmoonlight That's why I speak with experience.

@Marynotsocontrary

I can guarantee you the children got over it 5 minutes after they found out they didn't get an invite.

It's ridiculous you think you can speak for all children @TheGirlCat

Yet it's ok that you think you can hysterically speak for all children? Don't you see the hypocrisy?

I was that child, @Dancingonmoonlight That's why I speak with experience

For someone in that situation, you are now suggesting its ok to do that? The hardened 'suit yourself' and lack of empathy you have shown in your posts reflect the effect it had on you. It wasn't ok that it happened to you. It isn't ok for it to happen to others either.

Those GIRLS should be reminded that they are one of 23 not invited, and encouraged not to limit their thoughts on life to their gender. And yet, only one gender is being invited to the party.

Reading through the thread it's obviously the parents, not the children, who are the ones most hurt with wounded pride who still immaturely carry on.

I am not a parent, so obviously don’t have children. Nor do I want them. I’m not remotely maternal. But why, why, would a grown woman choose to hurt four little girls when it’s completely unnecessary to? Seems to me that the posters in agreement are either little bullies of the past, or raising those of the present/future. Just let the four poor girls go the the party.

And those who are saying that it doesn’t matter that they’re girls - of course it does. The kids will know they’re one of four girls left out. They’ve plenty of time to learn resilience/disappointment etc over the next 80 years. They don’t need OP’s DD to teach them a lesson at 5 years old.

There are 13 girls in her class, and she wants to invite 8 of them - meaning that 9 girls would be at the party (including her), and 4 girls wouldn't be invited.

This is what the OP said re numbers.
(I'm not remotely hysterical by the way.)

Sorry, that was for TheGirlCat.