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Original poster

To invite 8 out of 13 girls from DD's class?

393 replies

Fr0thandBubble · 18/11/2021 22:56

DD is in Y1 and she will be having a party at home (with an activity) for her birthday.

There are 13 girls in her class, and she wants to invite 8 of them - meaning that 9 girls would be at the party (including her), and 4 girls wouldn't be invited.

Is that bad? I can't decide! Don't have room for all of them so if the consensus is that it's bad I will tell her she can only invite 7 - which is a slightly better ratio of invited/not invited!

OP posts:
Shasha17 · 19/11/2021 05:30

I would be fine with this. It's really my child's choice who they invite to their birthday and it's not my job to keep othet children happy at the expense of my child? It's not a big issue really. I'll never understand this MN thing of invite everyone or only a tiny number. Just let the child invite who they actually like and want to celebrate their birthday with!

Charleymouse · 19/11/2021 05:53

[quote Fr0thandBubble]@hunderland Because the party is at our house and we don't have room for all! The planned activity would also be difficult with so many. And DD also really doesn't like one of the girls.[/quote]
Can we all stop guilt tripping the OP

Why do we have to make our child invite someone they don't like to be kind/fair.

We need to respect our child's likes/dislikes (whilst trying to be inclusive).

Making our DDs feelings seem less important than another childs by including someone they don't like is unfair to our own.

Your DD should know you have her back and being inclusive and inviting someone she doesn't like is not fair to her on her special day.

I do agree that invitations should not be handed out by teachers in class when not all are included though.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/11/2021 05:56

[quote Cassandrainthenight]@Pinkandpink (and all other mothers with a similar reaction) has it ever occurred to you that your daughter was gutted because you were gutted on her behalf, or that she picked up from you that this was something one should be gutted about??

If my daughter was gutted that she wasn’t at some birthday party, I’d seriously think we need to get a life! Who’s even keeping track who’s invited who’s not?
Talk about making your child insecure… just shrug it off and be relieved you don’t have to spend a part of your weekend in a sweaty church hall!
I could only understand being upset if it was their best friend not inviting them, but that wouldn’t ever happen randomly either…[/quote]
That is total projection. And unkind. I am disabled and was very ill when dd was younger. I’m still very poorly and have never been able to do much with my dd at all. Simply taking her to and from school was a major struggle. She used to get upset at being left out. I used to comfort her and reason with her that it wasn’t personal. Not all parents are drama queens. Not all children brook disappointment with a cheery smile. Not all families can just get a life. For some life is a struggle. And for many reasons other than mine.

DraigFach · 19/11/2021 06:07

Since when did a child's birthday celebrations belong to other people?

You have a space limited venue and activity that your daughter wants and won't work well for too many guests.

It's fine, throw the party, let your daughter have guests she actually likes and enjoy herself.

There have been plenty of parties my children haven't been invited to. They've sometimes been disappointed, but that's life and growing up means learning to deal with these things and not being pandered to at the expense of other's happiness for no good reason.

Grida · 19/11/2021 06:08

That is really bad. You can’t invite all of them and exclude just 4. The children will be very aware of it. A couple of people did it when my children were that age and I thought it was really mean(even though mine were invited). Mine both came home and gossiped about it to me.

Bear in mind that some won’t be able to come so you will probably be fine inviting them all.

Disenamorada87 · 19/11/2021 06:13

I don't understand this idea that you have to invite everyone. Luckily, it's not a thing in the country I live in. I don't have the room to host a big group of children at home and can't afford to rent a place. If it wasn't okay to invite just some of the kids, my DC would never have had a party!
They have often heard others talk about parties they weren't invited to and it's never been a problem.

Socksey · 19/11/2021 06:13

"Anyone who is mother to a 5/6 year old boy, please shout if they would enjoy a painting-related party! Would potentially solve my dilemma if so."

My DS would have loved it.... he's 13 now and still would.... he got paints and stuff again for his birthday recently

riseandshine830 · 19/11/2021 06:17

Sorry but I wouldn't. I'd invite all or 1 or 2 best friends

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/11/2021 06:17

Can you invite all the class and pick a less messy activity? I made cardboard crowns out of shiny paper (takes a bit of time). The kids stuck sequins etc to the crowns and then could wear them for the rest of the party. You could extend that by giving out other items to stick on etc.

riseandshine830 · 19/11/2021 06:18

[quote Fr0thandBubble]@hunderland Because the party is at our house and we don't have room for all! The planned activity would also be difficult with so many. And DD also really doesn't like one of the girls.[/quote]
Chances are a couple won't/unable to attend anyway

friedeggandsauce · 19/11/2021 06:19

Out of 30 children that's fine!

stayathomer · 19/11/2021 06:23

Same as person above who has one boy who would have loved as Nd the other wouldn't, I have 4 boys, I'd say 2 would have gotten excited, two would have looked for a football

Your2Nice · 19/11/2021 06:24

@NoSquirrels

Less than half, or all.

So that means invite 5, your DD makes 6.

Thank God I’m not the only one who noticed OP’s numbers don’t add up.
stayathomer · 19/11/2021 06:24

Oh and as someone said th he chances of all attending is the same as a lottery win!!! Personally I think invite all the girls

allthingsred · 19/11/2021 06:26

They are in yr1.
I would invite either all the girls or if I was worried about space it would be 1 or 2 best friends only.

Calee03 · 19/11/2021 06:31

Seems a bit mean. Either all the girls or a very small group - like 2-3 of her closest friends!

invisiblecats · 19/11/2021 06:40

If you invite fewer girls, then more will feel left out!

I think if you can't fit them all, what can you do? It's not like you've hired a hall and are inviting the entire class minus a couple.

Invite 8, ask DD not to talk about it in school..

Hetyanni · 19/11/2021 06:44

I think you should invite all, you really can't squeeze in 4 more little ones? They won't all attend anyway, we had 4 no shows.

MynameisJune · 19/11/2021 06:50

Well OP I’m just as bad as you then! DD is going to be 6, we are doing a soft play party. For cost reasons we could only invite 20 children, with cousins and out of school friends it’s ended up as 13 children out of a class of 30 so just under half. It is mainly girls but she did invite the 3 boys she gets on with. But we haven’t invited all the girls, there are 3 girls we haven’t invited because she invited 3 boys instead.

We can’t afford to invite the whole class or even the other 3 girls. We actually invited a few more than 20 because we thought ‘oh it’s December not everyone will be able to come’ and so far everyone is coming.

DoubleDeckerSwimmer · 19/11/2021 06:50

[quote Fr0thandBubble]@sunflowerroses. Yes there are boys in the class - it's a class of about 30 children. Sorry - should have said that in my initial post.

Urgh, I am panicking now! We could invite fewer girls and maybe a few boys? But the activity is painting-related - not sure boys would be into it?[/quote]
Urrmmm.... can think of quite a few famous male artists, can't you?

Why would boys not be into painting??

DoubleDeckerSwimmer · 19/11/2021 06:52

@Disenamorada87

I don't understand this idea that you have to invite everyone. Luckily, it's not a thing in the country I live in. I don't have the room to host a big group of children at home and can't afford to rent a place. If it wasn't okay to invite just some of the kids, my DC would never have had a party! They have often heard others talk about parties they weren't invited to and it's never been a problem.
Just some is absolutely fine, nearly all is not as some feel left out.
MynameisJune · 19/11/2021 06:52

Also my DD has no idea when her party is, we don’t mention it at home. As far as I know she doesn’t talk about it at school. On the Friday before her birthday after school we’ll tell her it’s that weekend.

Insert1x20p · 19/11/2021 06:52

My DC's school generally does extremely well on pastoral care and social stuff (supporting friendships etc). Their suggestion for parties (and this has to be followed if you want to give invites out at school- admittedly rare now as most online) is

  • Whole class or
  • Less than half the class and
  • Less than half the boys or half the girls

i.e. number of children not invited is either the majority of the class or none.

In practice as they get older they tend to invite from other classes and out of school friends too and parties get smaller, so it's a non issue by Year 3, but it was a good guideline for the first few years. There are children who are rarely invited and being in the small minority every time is a lot tougher than being the majority every time.

Switch82 · 19/11/2021 06:53

My DD is in year 2 there have been lots of parties where boys and girls invited and she hasn’t been invited. She has an activity party coming up and numbers are restricted to 12 so she’s inviting 12 that she’s chosen. It leaves a couple out - but both those girls didn’t invite her to their parties. One was in a park in lockdown and we just happened to go to the park at the same time! Awks!

Insert1x20p · 19/11/2021 06:54

Sorry - to edit- could also do all the boys or all the girls instead of whole class.

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