Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To invite 8 out of 13 girls from DD's class?

393 replies

Fr0thandBubble · 18/11/2021 22:56

DD is in Y1 and she will be having a party at home (with an activity) for her birthday.

There are 13 girls in her class, and she wants to invite 8 of them - meaning that 9 girls would be at the party (including her), and 4 girls wouldn't be invited.

Is that bad? I can't decide! Don't have room for all of them so if the consensus is that it's bad I will tell her she can only invite 7 - which is a slightly better ratio of invited/not invited!

OP posts:
CakesOfVersailles · 18/11/2021 23:29

If there are 30 kids in the class I think it's fine to invite 8. At first I thought it was a girls' primary school, in which case leaving only four kids out is a bit harsh.

If you're not inviting the whole class, however, I think invitations should not be handed out publicly at school.

On a side note, I'm pretty sure painting is not a girls-only activity!

CakesOfVersailles · 18/11/2021 23:31

Does she have any out of school friends/cousins/siblings who she would like? If it is a real problem maybe you could suggest dropping a couple of school friends and inviting some others.

Porcupineintherough · 18/11/2021 23:32

@VsgKitt ganga leaves? That sounds awfully sophisticated for Y1 children.

Original poster
Fr0thandBubble · 18/11/2021 23:33

@vsgkitt That’s what I’m worried about! What age was your DD then? Sounds like she was a bit older? I would hope 5/6 year olds wouldn’t be painting ganja leaves Grin

Anyone who is mother to a 5/6 year old boy, please shout if they would enjoy a painting-related party! Would potentially solve my dilemma if so.

OP posts:
TheSmallAssassin · 18/11/2021 23:34

Plenty of boys like painting. I hardly think 5/6 year old boys are going to be painting ganja leaves @VsgKitt Hmm

coldsandinsleepingbags · 18/11/2021 23:34

@VsgKitt 😂 please tell me these children were also Year 1 😂

Cassandrainthenight · 18/11/2021 23:34

Surely the party is first of all for the child whose birthday it is? We always did it at home at KS1 stage and always invited whoever the child wanted.

Never ever were bothered if my children weren’t invited, to be honest I’d have no idea if they weren’t and if anything the problem was always getting way too many birthday invitations (probably from parents worried about not being inclusive at the sake of their own child’s comfort)

To me it’s mean towards the birthday child to have guests around who they prefer not to see!

Worrying what other people might think is not a good way to make a decision. Make your child your priority.

VsgKitt · 18/11/2021 23:35

Oh they were year 5 Grin

I found it quite funny but they really didn't enjoy it.

I'm sure year 1 would though! DD was insistent on inviting them, though I did say it probably wouldn't be their thing.

Pinkandpink · 18/11/2021 23:36

That happened to my daughter aged 9. Although 10 out of 13 were invited, she was gutted

Porcupineintherough · 18/11/2021 23:39

I have two sons. One would have been delighted to go to a painting party age 5, the other would rather have gnawed his own leg off. They are individuals see - a bit like girls. Smile

AutumnLeaves21 · 18/11/2021 23:39

Yeah really mean. Invite all or a small select few.

JohnStonesMissus · 18/11/2021 23:44

@Pinkandpink

That happened to my daughter aged 9. Although 10 out of 13 were invited, she was gutted
It's crap isn't it? Especially when they talk about it the next time at school and the few who were not invited feel left out once again...
Griefmonster · 18/11/2021 23:44

@Cassandrainthenight

Surely the party is first of all for the child whose birthday it is? We always did it at home at KS1 stage and always invited whoever the child wanted.

Never ever were bothered if my children weren’t invited, to be honest I’d have no idea if they weren’t and if anything the problem was always getting way too many birthday invitations (probably from parents worried about not being inclusive at the sake of their own child’s comfort)

To me it’s mean towards the birthday child to have guests around who they prefer not to see!

Worrying what other people might think is not a good way to make a decision. Make your child your priority.

Agree with this. I don't understand all those saying it's "mean"?! Although to be fair I also don't understand the OP being so perplexed about inviting boys because painting...

You invite your daughter's friends up to the number you can accommodate. It's not that hard really.

watchingrnfire · 18/11/2021 23:47

My boys love colouring and painting! Especially painting! I have a year 5 boy that practically begs me to bring out the paints. Ever since they've been in school, whenever they had a painting session, they would come home and talk so much about how fun it was and what they painted. So to think boys aren't in to painting is quite a narrow mindset to have.

&@VsgKitt am shocked year 5 would even know ganga leaves

LittleDandelionClock · 18/11/2021 23:48

@Fr0thandBubble Invite all of them. You can bet 3 or 4 won't come anyway!

Imagine if you only invite 8 of them, and 3 or 4 don't come? (Potentially) only 4 will be there!

Charleymouse · 18/11/2021 23:48

I think the ratios are fine. Leaving anything more than 3 out seems a reasonable split to me.

Kids have to learn they can't go to everything.

My youngest DD was the only girl left out of a party for all the girls in her class in Y4, her and the birthday girl didn't get on.

I have unfortunately left a child out in the past that my DD would have been fine inviting however it would have meant only 2 not being invited which I think is too pointed.

I made my oldest DD invite all the class once when one very obviously didn't like her and was mean to her on her birthday. I was not prepared for my youngest to have the same experience.

Cassandrainthenight · 18/11/2021 23:52

@Pinkandpink (and all other mothers with a similar reaction) has it ever occurred to you that your daughter was gutted because you were gutted on her behalf, or that she picked up from you that this was something one should be gutted about??

If my daughter was gutted that she wasn’t at some birthday party, I’d seriously think we need to get a life! Who’s even keeping track who’s invited who’s not?
Talk about making your child insecure… just shrug it off and be relieved you don’t have to spend a part of your weekend in a sweaty church hall!
I could only understand being upset if it was their best friend not inviting them, but that wouldn’t ever happen randomly either…

DoYouSeaWhatISea · 18/11/2021 23:54

I’d invite all the girls. I guarantee they all won’t come, and you’ll end up with 8-10 girls for your activities. They’re only this little for a short time, now my DD is 10, her parties are more like 4-6 friends

Chloemol · 18/11/2021 23:55

I still remember when I was at school a girl having a party, they got taken on a large school bus somewhere for the day, has massive party bags, lots of chat and talk about it before and after, all girl class and 3 of us ( out of 22) not invited

It hurt

Please don’t do that

Kite22 · 18/11/2021 23:56

Am amazed by the answers here.
Of course it is fine.
She is inviting about 1/4 of the class - why is anyone considering that mean or unkind or any of the other words being used Confused

If you have a party then you are entitled to invite who you would like to be at that party, within constraints of space and cost.
Perfectly reasonable and normal to invite 8 people.

NoSquirrels · 18/11/2021 23:57

Less than half, or all.

So that means invite 5, your DD makes 6.

Marynotsocontrary · 18/11/2021 23:58

I'd invite all the girls at this age if at all possible. Leaving out a minority is hurtful.

MrsTumbletap · 18/11/2021 23:58

My son has and would still love a T-shirt painting party.

Crazycakelady17 · 18/11/2021 23:59

It’s a hard one personally I wouldn’t do it we had whole class parties until y3 then it was limited to trips theme parks bowling etc and only 4 friends.
I don’t think my DD would be gutted if it was some random girl at that age it probably happened and we just didn’t know

withgraceinmyheart · 19/11/2021 00:02

I think it’s fine. Kids need to get used to the idea that they won’t be invited to everything. If you were inviting 25 out of a class of 30 that’s mean. 8 of a class of 30 is a pretty normal number.

Swipe left for the next trending thread