To invite 8 out of 13 girls from DD's class?

[Fr0thandBubble]

DD is in Y1 and she will be having a party at home (with an activity) for her birthday.

There are 13 girls in her class, and she wants to invite 8 of them - meaning that 9 girls would be at the party (including her), and 4 girls wouldn't be invited.

Is that bad? I can't decide! Don't have room for all of them so if the consensus is that it's bad I will tell her she can only invite 7 - which is a slightly better ratio of invited/not invited!

It's a bit off yes. We've just had a crafty 7th party at home for DD and there were 7 in total (including a relative and DD so just 5 from school out of 19 girls). Can you do a '6 because she's 6' party and keep to DD and 5 friends? FwIW one of my DSs would have detested a painting party at that or any age, the other DS may have enjoyed it as he did/does like art but it wouldn't engage him for long and he was a messy painter! Good luck!

She is inviting about 1/4 of the class - why is anyone considering that mean or unkind or any of the other words being used

Things are very much split along boy/girl lines at this age I find. Leaving out all the boys won't bother them, but the minority of girls excluded may well be upset.

Invite 4/5 of the girls or all of them. They will discuss it for days /weeks and some children will be very left out.

Also, EYFS/Y1 teacher of a number of years here: plenty and many of the boys of this age I've taught over the years love painting.

I think that’s really mean, sorry. It would have devastated me to realise I was in the bottom 4, including on par with someone she really dislikes. I remember as a shy anxious child who didn’t get many invites how this felt, it was painful. Whole class or say 3 of them.

When time of year is it? If it’s December when there are loads of Christmasy things on, you might have a few kids who can’t go.

The kids have had a really though time starting school during covid and a few of the kids in my DDs Yr1 class have been really struggling with friendships this year. I don’t think friendships are as well established as they were by Yr 1 in non covid times and it wouldn’t hurt to be a bit more sensitive. I agree a few or all.

Up to 6 we were still doing the invite all the class type of parties.

After that it felt more acceptable to have smaller parties with just the few girls DD was actually friends with

Oh good lord. I can’t believe some of the comments here! 🤦🏼‍♀️

Your child is entitled to invite whoever they want. It’s usually the parents of uninvited children who are more upset than the children themselves.

There will be plenty of parties…do whatever suits the birthday girl!

I dont think, at y1, they will think of themselves as a boy cohort and a girl cohort bevause thsy will be on different mixed tables. So i think its srong to tbink if it as 8/12, its 8/30!

This happened to my DD at that age. She was one of a handful of girls not invited in the year group for twin girls birthday. All her friends went and worse still the twins mother collected them all in a group straight after school so she had to watch them all go off. She's 16 now and I'm sure she's over it, bit clearly I'm not .

I think it's a pretty shit thing to do to be honest. I remember how upset she was at the time.

Agree with others it’s a bit mean at this age to leave just 4 out. You wouldn’t like it if your DD was left out, or if she gets left out in the future because of it.

Surely you could rearrange things to fit 4 more 5/6 yr olds in (put furniture in other rooms etc..) My 9yo DD just went to a party in a tiny 2 bed flat with 12 9/10yos, the parents made it work.

You might be lucky and 1 or 2 can’t make it.

As for the girl your dd dosnt like. There was a girl like this in yr1 with my dd, by yr 2 they were inseparable.

My daughter is one of four girls always excluded from 'girls parties' in her class.

I think its an absolutely shit to do.

Like the poster above, my daughter watches the other girls trot off for playdates and parties every single week. She listens to them speak excitedly about the parties for the week beforehand and listens to them the following Monday when they talk about how great the party is.

I have tried to change schools and if I could move her from the school and its horrific parents who facilitate this - I would!

Its year one. Invite all the girls.

I think it’s mean too! How would you feel if shoe was on other foot and your daughter was excluded? My son was excluded from a party most of the class went to and I’ve never forgotten it! Avoided the miserable bag of a mum ever since!

@A8mint

I dont think, at y1, they will think of themselves as a boy cohort and a girl cohort bevause thsy will be on different mixed tables. So i think its srong to tbink if it as 8/12, its 8/30!

Mine are in a mixed school, sit at mixed tables and parties are either whole class (small school) or always divided along boy/girl lines.

Mine are in a mixed school, sit at mixed tables and parties are either whole class (small school) or always divided along boy/girl lines

Do the girls only play with other girls and the boys only play with other boys?
Why send them to a co-educational school if this is the case?
Genuinely curious.

@Dancingonmoonlight

Yes, in the playground, at this age, the girls often tend to play together and boys play together. There is some mixing, of course, and more mixing in the classroom as tables are mixed.
I went to a similar school as a child and it was the same then. I played with girls at break times.

[quote Marynotsocontrary]@Dancingonmoonlight

Yes, in the playground, at this age, the girls often tend to play together and boys play together. There is some mixing, of course, and more mixing in the classroom as tables are mixed.
I went to a similar school as a child and it was the same then. I played with girls at break times.[/quote]
I think this is unusual.
I also went to a mixed school as do my children and it isn't the case at all. There is certainly a minority of children (mainly girls) who form gender stereotype 'cliques' only with other girls but it isn't the 'norm'. Thankfully.

Its not mean at all!!!!!!this is life.
She invites who she wants
What are all these pp's saying its "mean"?
Its not like she is inviting EVERYONE except for 1 person?and even so. It would be her choice. You cant force people to invite them all. Jezus people lighten up.

I disagree that it's unusual Dancingonmoonlight. In my experience, young children typically divide along gender lines when they make friends in primary school. Whether it's for the best is another question.

Why doesnt anyone think its mean that she hasnt invited any of the boys,?? Sexist much?

You're inviting eight children out of a class of 30, that's fine. The gender breakdown makes no difference.

@imnotacelebritygetmeoutofhere

You're inviting eight children out of a class of 30, that's fine. The gender breakdown makes no difference.

It will indeed make a difference to the girls who are left out.

@Marynotsocontrary

I disagree that it's unusual Dancingonmoonlight. In my experience, young children typically divide along gender lines when they make friends in primary school. Whether it's for the best is another question.

Maybe it depends on the school.

In my experience, girls and boys mix together apart from one 'clique' of girl's in one of my kid's classes.

The school doesn't encourage gender division and has a strong focus on inclusive friendships.

Growing up in the 1980s was as you described though. My primary class was strongly divided into 'girls play with girls' and 'boys play with boys'.

However my older sibling's classes played freely with each other and my sister's friends to this day are boys she played with in primary school.

I suppose each year is different to the one before and after it.

@imnotacelebritygetmeoutofhere

You're inviting eight children out of a class of 30, that's fine. The gender breakdown makes no difference.

Of course it makes a difference if you are one of the four GIRLS excluded. Think about that for a minute.