Page 7 | Awkward situation at football practise..

footballmum87 · 2021-11-18T18:29:14+00:00

Usually dh brings dd to football but tonight he was late in so I brought dd while he stays home with the other dc and does dinner and bath. Getting out the house for an hour at this time feels like a spa break, the training area overlooks the water and it's lovely sitting in the silence. I even managed to get one of the few spots right next to the pitch so I've a perfect view of dd. So far so good then an elderly gentleman comes over and knocks on the window to say his dgs is training and can he sit in the car with me 😕 I don't recognise him but he says his wife has popped to the shops in the car and left him here. The dc don't need to be supervised at training so he could have went with her. It's also been bloody freezing here all day and he's out with just a sports hoody on with no jacket/gloves etc. I stuttered and made a pathetic feeble excuse about needing to make a private call and that I wasn't comfortable having anyone in the car [blush] He looked taken aback but went off and now keeps walking past my car. What would you have done? I feel like a bitch for not wanting some random bloke in the car ruining my hours peace but it seems really mean 😕

DontGiveAFlyingFig · 19/11/2021 06:43

Do you know what, it doesn't matter how anyone else feels or whatever experiences they have or haven't had.

If you feel it's odd, then it's odd - we need to listen to our instincts.

You did the right thing OP.

MsTSwift · 19/11/2021 06:52

Well I’ve been flashed at 4 times numerous disgusting comments from strange men when minding my own business and my lovely flat mate when I was in my twenties was shoved into a bush and sexually assaulted walking home from work around 6.30 in nice bit of town so forgive me for not being a gracious hostess “now how can I help” type when approached by a random man.

SomepeopleareTERFSgetoverit · 19/11/2021 07:00

NZ, that apparent utopia of female safety, was where Grace Millane’s life was taken from her.

Well done, OP. He should not have asked you. You went with your gut and said No Thank You.

Read The Gift of Fear if you need further confidence that you were right.

Lifewith · 19/11/2021 07:27

@gofg

Where do you live? I'd love to live somewhere I didn't have to feel fear of unknown men. Share this utopia with the rest of us.

Or is it just that you don't read the news much?

I live in NZ and I can assure you women here don't live in fear of unknown men - not the way you seem to in the UK. If I'm out walking in the dark and I see a man I don't run for the hills, or even cross the road, and I can't recall one single incidence of a woman in my town ever being attacked by a stranger. Does it really happen that often there? I'm not saying it doesn't happen here, mainly in cities, but not so often to make us all live in constant fear.

Are you child or been living on the moon?

What a stupid and naive comment

timeisnotaline · 19/11/2021 07:57

@gofg

You really have no idea do you? The number of indecent exposures and touching that happens on busy trains with 6 other people within a foot of the victim is seriously high. This wasn’t a busy carpark, it would have been inside a private car in the evening.

No I don't, because I don't live in the UK (thank goodness by the sound of it!) - which is why I made my post. In my whole life I have never witnessed indecent exposure, and I've never been touched by a stranger.

I’m in australia myself now, so no issues with being on mumsnet from other countries, but it does seem a dim approach to tell everyone else something is perfectly safe when you actually have no idea.

lottiegarbanzo · 19/11/2021 08:06

'I haven't seen it happen, so it don't believe it happens'. That's what a lot of men say when they want to minimise the issue of sexual harassment of women.

It's precisely because people don't witness indecent touching, catcalling and subtle intimidation that those things are able to happen. Perpetrators choose their moment. They don't usually do it openly, loudly, obviously, in full view of a gallery of strangers.

This guy was either very silly and naive (probably) or more open and dangerous than most (very unlikely but why invite that risk?).

Derbee · 19/11/2021 08:07

@gofg you sound ignorant as hell, so not sure your opinion matters much, But just out of interest, are you saying that if a random man came and asked to get into your car, you would say yes?

Kikkomam · 19/11/2021 08:08

I wouldn't have assumed he was a predator, but I would have resented having to talk to him for an hour rather than chilling by myself in the car. Would have been a definite no from me.

gofg · 19/11/2021 09:17

I'm not going to reply individually to all the ridiculous comments on my previous posts, other than to address a couple of issues.

What happened to Grace Millane was shocking, but I did say bad things do happen, they happen everywhere, but I stand by my statement that women here do not live under the constant cloud of fear you seem to live under in the UK.

I am not naive enough to say none of these things have happened to me so they don't happen at all, but neither have they happened to a single person I know.

it does seem a dim approach to tell everyone else something is perfectly safe when you actually have no idea.

Are you incapable of reading and understanding? I said I had no idea BECAUSE I DO NOT LIVE IN THE UK. I did not say the UK is perfectly safe - are you thick?

Are you child or been living on the moon? What a stupid and naive comment

I am very far off being a child, and obviously you know far more about the town where I live than I do - even though you haven't a clue what that town is. Do you think I live in some little bubble where I never hear what is happening in my own town?? Women often walk home after a night out here, and so far none have been attacked, but of course you won't believe me so it's pointless continuing with this.

But just out of interest, are you saying that if a random man came and asked to get into your car, you would say yes?

I never mentioned the man in the OP's post, so how you can get from my posts that I said I would let him in my car is beyond me

I suggest some of you actually slow down and read posts before rushing into print.

MrsSkylerWhite · 19/11/2021 09:18

Not mean, sensible.

Derbee · 19/11/2021 09:21

I never mentioned the man in the OP's post, so how you can get from my posts that I said I would let him in my car is beyond me confused

You’re the one saying it’s ridiculously paranoid to be wary of unknown men. The OP’s post was about a random man approaching her in a car park and asking to get into her car. Instead of spouting nonsense, and ignoring the issue at hand. Is it ridiculously paranoid to have been wary and said no to the man, or would you think it reasonable to say yes and let him into your car?

It’s a simple question that you seem to be avoiding

Hope478 · 19/11/2021 09:23

I would have been honest and said no, because I don't know you, sorry!

Why you would say anything other than that to a stranger baffles me?!

beastlyslumber · 19/11/2021 09:30

@gofg

You really have no idea do you? The number of indecent exposures and touching that happens on busy trains with 6 other people within a foot of the victim is seriously high. This wasn’t a busy carpark, it would have been inside a private car in the evening.

No I don't, because I don't live in the UK (thank goodness by the sound of it!) - which is why I made my post. In my whole life I have never witnessed indecent exposure, and I've never been touched by a stranger.

Where do you live? I want to move there. Are you rich? Is it a gated community? Do you have a personal bodyguard?

beastlyslumber · 19/11/2021 09:32

Are you female @gofg?

Laiste · 19/11/2021 09:34

I think these are all the gofg's posts before her last angry one and to be fair i think she is just expressing surprise about the UK.

@gofg IMO you got hackles raised with the wording in your first post. I can't believe ..... This is triggering here because in the UK we have an I believe you campaign concerning believing rape victims.

I too would be interested. I can't believe the fear that women in the UK seem to have of unknown men

I live in NZ and I can assure you women here don't live in fear of unknown men - not the way you seem to in the UK. If I'm out walking in the dark and I see a man I don't run for the hills, or even cross the road, and I can't recall one single incidence of a woman in my town ever being attacked by a stranger. Does it really happen that often there? I'm not saying it doesn't happen here, mainly in cities, but not so often to make us all live in constant fear.

No I don't, because I don't live in the UK (thank goodness by the sound of it!) - which is why I made my post. In my whole life I have never witnessed indecent exposure, and I've never been touched by a stranger.

NewlyGranny · 19/11/2021 10:10

This chap was Schrödinger's rapist. Commonsense says OP refuses to let him sit in her car; she has no way of knowing whether or not he presents a danger to her.

She only has to say, "No - I don't know you from Adam. You'll have to make your own arrangements."

Women are not service humans for every random person.

AlexSC1988 · 19/11/2021 10:12

Unless you are friends with him then that is an odd request. I think you did the right thing.

Doomscrolling · 19/11/2021 10:31

I’ll be honest, OP, I’d have let him sit in my car.

And then I’d have been uptight and tense, angry with myself for being a people pleasing doormat, pissed off for losing my quiet solitude and on edge because I let a strange man into my space. Gah.

Good for you for having the sense to say No.

beastlyslumber · 19/11/2021 10:32

@Doomscrolling

I’ll be honest, OP, I’d have let him sit in my car.

And then I’d have been uptight and tense, angry with myself for being a people pleasing doormat, pissed off for losing my quiet solitude and on edge because I let a strange man into my space. Gah.

Good for you for having the sense to say No.

OR you'd have been assaulted/attacked/verbally harrassed/stolen from/stalked...

JacquelineCarlyle · 19/11/2021 11:53

@NewlyGranny this is perfectly put!

'Women are not service humans for every random person'

I need to remember this!

Lifewith · 19/11/2021 12:03