Awkward situation at football practise..

[footballmum87]

Usually dh brings dd to football but tonight he was late in so I brought dd while he stays home with the other dc and does dinner and bath.
Getting out the house for an hour at this time feels like a spa break, the training area overlooks the water and it's lovely sitting in the silence. I even managed to get one of the few spots right next to the pitch so I've a perfect view of dd.
So far so good then an elderly gentleman comes over and knocks on the window to say his dgs is training and can he sit in the car with me 😕 I don't recognise him but he says his wife has popped to the shops in the car and left him here. The dc don't need to be supervised at training so he could have went with her. It's also been bloody freezing here all day and he's out with just a sports hoody on with no jacket/gloves etc.
I stuttered and made a pathetic feeble excuse about needing to make a private call and that I wasn't comfortable having anyone in the car
He looked taken aback but went off and now keeps walking past my car.
What would you have done? I feel like a bitch for not wanting some random bloke in the car ruining my hours peace but it seems really mean 😕

Dh and I have our own cars so even if dh had let him sit in his car before he wouldn't know I was his wife iykwim. I'm sure dh would have mentioned though if that had happened.

That is not in the least bit awkward and I don't know why you would think it was.

Stranger - can I sit in your car with you
Me - no

Job done, what's awkward?

YANBU at all!

I would have done the same you have no idea who he is

I’ve seen Silence of the lambs. No way

Going to ask an against the grain question here; how elderly are we talking?

Dodgy. He shouldn't be approaching women like that. Who would actually say yes?? Covid nothing to do with it, it's weird!

Impressive quick thinking though op!

My husband told me the other day that when he walks out in the dark alone he will go out of his way - like cross the road or increase or drop his pace so as to make a lone female less worried. He shouldn’t have asked

@HollowTalk

FFS what an idiot he was! No, of course he can't sit in your car! Why on earth would you want that? He's a completely entitled man.

This!

Also totally selfish given Covid - I wouldn't want to be in close proximity to him for an hour!

What a weirdo, on every level,
Well done op for telling him no.

I have had a weird week with people displaying some outstandingly entitled behaviour, but that is really bizarre. I know what you mean though, having said okay to someone I realy should have said no to this week I can see when you're coming from, but I'm glad you said no, from my position its really put me on a back foot so yes you did the right thing.

I would've been caught completely off guard, but you absolutely did the right thing and with the benefit of hindsight you didn't have to give him any excuse, just a no.
Unless he was very elderly and frail then he was inappropriate and entitled. Aside from the safety issue and Covid, it would be so awkward sitting with a complete stranger. Very strange situation.

@WallaceinAnderland

That is not in the least bit awkward and I don't know why you would think it was.

Stranger - can I sit in your car with you
Me - no

Job done, what's awkward?

Eons of societal pressure designed to condition women to #benice and acquiesce.

It’s a thing.

Not mean at all. I really hate how as women we feel mean when not allowing a man to do what he wants. I made friends with an old man and he er did something. I can't cope when I see him and I really hate how I feel when I see him. I feel weak. He either never tries to avoid me or leaves sooner than normal then I feel mean. Hate it.

No excuses - just say NO.

Even worse now he keeps walking past your car.

him right now to his wife: "I was cold so I asked a woman I didn't know of I could sit in her car with her and unbelievably she said no!"

wife: "wtaf"

He also kept walking past the car after being told 'no'.

@Stovetopespresso

him right now to his wife: "I was cold so I asked a woman I didn't know of I could sit in her car with her and unbelievably she said no!"

wife: "wtaf"

I was just thinking this myself. I'd be so pissed off if my husband thought this was an okay thing to do.

You did the right thing OP! Well done and don't feel awkward about it!

then an elderly gentleman comes over and knocks on the window

Are you sure he was elderly? Remember, on MN that means he's at least 110 years old.

Even if he was old and frail I don't think I'd want to say yes!
Even if it was a woman I don't think I'd want to say yes. Weird.

I feel like a bitch for not wanting some random bloke in the car ruining my hours peace

People say you can't help how you feel but honestly, in this case, you did exactly the correct thing. It's only good ole female socialisation making you question yourself.

Trust your gut. Keep yourself safe.

You don't owe anybody anything that makes you uncomfortable. Don't give it a second thought.

Just check in with yourself, make sure your DD isn't being socialised to put other ransoms ahead of her own safety. Good luck.

It is not our job to make men feel comfortable or less awkward or whatever.

You were not being mean saying no, that’s your female socialisation talking.

You have every right to say no ‘I’m not comfortable with that’ and leave it there no excuses needed.

What an entitled idiot, honestly men do not know they are born.

Well done for your response!! I would have said yes and then regretted every minute of it! He should feel awkward about asking. You have nothing to feel bad about.