Awkward situation at football practise..

[footballmum87]

Usually dh brings dd to football but tonight he was late in so I brought dd while he stays home with the other dc and does dinner and bath.
Getting out the house for an hour at this time feels like a spa break, the training area overlooks the water and it's lovely sitting in the silence. I even managed to get one of the few spots right next to the pitch so I've a perfect view of dd.
So far so good then an elderly gentleman comes over and knocks on the window to say his dgs is training and can he sit in the car with me 😕 I don't recognise him but he says his wife has popped to the shops in the car and left him here. The dc don't need to be supervised at training so he could have went with her. It's also been bloody freezing here all day and he's out with just a sports hoody on with no jacket/gloves etc.
I stuttered and made a pathetic feeble excuse about needing to make a private call and that I wasn't comfortable having anyone in the car
He looked taken aback but went off and now keeps walking past my car.
What would you have done? I feel like a bitch for not wanting some random bloke in the car ruining my hours peace but it seems really mean 😕

@Kikkomam

So are we saying he wasn't a football dad/grandad but a random weirdo?

We’re saying OP doesn’t know this man let alone that he is a football grandad and it’s safer for her to treat this man as a potential risk to her and not let him in her car.

We're saying OP had no idea who he was.

Yes I agree, i don't think the op should have let him in. But unlikely he was a predator tbh

My late mother had Alzheimer's. She once turned up at my youngest daughter's primary school to pick her up, as she used to do every Monday, whilst I was in a staff meeting there. Except my daughter was in uni. My mum had a long coat on but had forgotten to put a skirt or trousers on over her tights. When I read the OP I immediately thought dementia, rather than potential attacker - but then I expect I'm in a minority of one.

‘Unlikely’ doesn’t help when you’re trapped in an enclosed space with a strange man.

@Rattus1

My late mother had Alzheimer's. She once turned up at my youngest daughter's primary school to pick her up, as she used to do every Monday, whilst I was in a staff meeting there. Except my daughter was in uni. My mum had a long coat on but had forgotten to put a skirt or trousers on over her tights. When I read the OP I immediately thought dementia, rather than potential attacker - but then I expect I'm in a minority of one.

Still not OP’s job to let him in her car.

Are dementia and 'potential threat or discomfort to OP' mutually exclusive? My understanding was that dementia can exacerbate risky, violent and anti-social behaviour, not that it eliminates them.

Why should the one person, out of a number parked at the same site, to help a confused old man, be the lone woman?

@Kikkomam

Yes I agree, i don't think the op should have let him in. But unlikely he was a predator tbh

Men don't have to be outright murderers before women are 'allowed' to say NO.

OP was looking forward to a quiet hour off.
Not being some bloke's shelter & entertainment module.

I'd have said yes without even thinking about it then hated myself for it. Good on you for saying no! What a ridiculous thing to ask.

@Kikkomam

But I presume he was a dad from football? OK, the op didn't know him because she doesn't normally go, but he probably didn't know that tbf.

From the OP's last post, what she reported to the coach.

the man had asked to sit in my car and as far as I could see he wasn't with a child when I left

Apologies I hadn't seen that!

@tallduckandhandsome

‘Unlikely’ doesn’t help when you’re trapped in an enclosed space with a strange man.

Indeed. “Unlikely” won’t help you when you report the sexual assault to the police and he claims he thought you consented because you invited him into your car and didn’t scream and shout and run out the car when he made sexual comments to you.

But Kikkoman how could OP have known what she discovered at the end of the training session (that the man didn't appear to be with a child), at the beginning? Can she see the future?

Your judgement of her behaviour at the start of the session must stand. Because it was based upon the information she had at the start of the session.

It's precisely because we cannot see the future and cannot know who strangers really are, that it makes sense to be cautious.

I'm judging the Ops first post through my own experience, which was that at dds football everyone sat in everyone else's cars.

That doesn't mean I think she was wrong!

@Chocolatewheatos

I'd have said yes without even thinking about it then hated myself for it. Good on you for saying no! What a ridiculous thing to ask.

Caught on the hop in a similar scenario in a familiar local setting I'd have likely done the same, out of 'polite conditioning'. However, I'm grateful for this thread giving food for thought and now I'd be more mentally prepared and ready to say no. The same as I would now be ready to challenge the authority of any policeman following the wicked abduction of Sarah Everard.

It's awful to have to think like this but better to be wary than end up in a bad situation.

That doesn't change anything here. OP was clear at the start that she didn't know this man. She had no way of knowing whether he was a football parent / grandparent or not, at the crucial moment.
I

@lottiegarbanzo

That doesn't change anything here. OP was clear at the start that she didn't know this man. She had no way of knowing whether he was a football parent / grandparent or not, at the crucial moment. I

Yes of course.

@Kikkomam

I'm judging the Ops first post through my own experience, which was that at dds football everyone sat in everyone else's cars.

You’re judging the OP’s first post when it clearly says she didn’t recognise the man?

And therefore has no bearing on your own situation of four blokes in a car with you?

So, would you have let a strange man claiming to be a football grandparent into your car, because 'that's what we do here'?

Would have been awkward for you at the end, when he didn't collect a child, wouldn't it. As it turned out.

@Double3xposure

Indeed. “Unlikely” won’t help you when you report the sexual assault to the police and he claims he thought you consented because you invited him into your car and didn’t scream and shout and run out the car when he made sexual comments to you.

Exactly Double. This onus on women to pacify men is galling.

So, would you have let a strange man claiming to be a football grandparent into your car, because 'that's what we do here'?

Would have been awkward for you at the end, when he didn't collect a child, wouldn't it. As it turned out.

That was to @Kikkoman

I'm interested in whether, having read OP's update, you feel differently on reflection about something you would have done without thought.

Oops, @Kikkomam (not soy sauce!)

Just tell him you're isolating

I'm interested in whether, having read OP's update, you feel differently on reflection about something you would have done without thought

Yes sorry I thought I had said that - hadn't read the update