Awkward situation at football practise..

[footballmum87]

Usually dh brings dd to football but tonight he was late in so I brought dd while he stays home with the other dc and does dinner and bath.
Getting out the house for an hour at this time feels like a spa break, the training area overlooks the water and it's lovely sitting in the silence. I even managed to get one of the few spots right next to the pitch so I've a perfect view of dd.
So far so good then an elderly gentleman comes over and knocks on the window to say his dgs is training and can he sit in the car with me 😕 I don't recognise him but he says his wife has popped to the shops in the car and left him here. The dc don't need to be supervised at training so he could have went with her. It's also been bloody freezing here all day and he's out with just a sports hoody on with no jacket/gloves etc.
I stuttered and made a pathetic feeble excuse about needing to make a private call and that I wasn't comfortable having anyone in the car
He looked taken aback but went off and now keeps walking past my car.
What would you have done? I feel like a bitch for not wanting some random bloke in the car ruining my hours peace but it seems really mean 😕

Sorry Kikkomam we're talking at cross purposes.

You've said you would have let him into your car because that's what people at your DC's football did. You acknowledged that OP didn't know the bloke but that didn't change your view on this:

But I presume he was a dad from football? OK, the op didn't know him because she doesn't normally go, but he probably didn't know that tbf.

So it reads to me that you would have let him into your car, despite not knowing him.

I'm asking you whether the OP's update makes you reflect on what you would have done in the same circumstances?

I hope the stupid man got really cold and realised he needs in future to either wear warm clothing, or go with his wife to the shops. If he tells his wife he asked a woman he didn’t know if he could sit in her car, and the meanie didn’t let him, I hope she gives him hell.

So it reads to me that you would have let him into your car, despite not knowing him

I've already said I wouldn't have let him in my car. I'm saying HE may have assumed the op might know him.

@Fomofo

Just tell him you're isolating

Why?

Women don't need to pander to men's feelings by making excuses.

A simple "NO, random & inappropriate stranger man" would do.

Oh ok. Sorry for being so peristent!

@lottiegarbanzo

Oh ok. Sorry for being so peristent!

It's fine! I agree totally thst women shouldn't let strange men into their car!

It’s really important that people stop telling women to ignore their instincts and let random men into their car.

It is really important that people stop telling women everyone is out to get them and to remind them that "instinct" is basically a bullshit term which allows them to judge others based on prejudices. Plenty of reasons to say no to the random man without immediately jumping to him being a rapist (and bizarrely also a peado which is an unlikely venom diagram)

This is basic shit that shouldn’t need explaining

*venn

So why do we teach kids about stranger danger then?
Instinct is there to protect you, nothing to do with prejudices and not at all bullshit

Well done for thinking of that excuse on your feet!

I think it's really odd of him to have asked you. Fair enough if you'd met and chatted previously. If he genuinely was a grandad of one of the kids, I hope he reflected on the situation and realised it was inappropriate.

Even kind looking and well presented old men can be horrible perverts .

"instinct" is basically a bullshit term which allows them to judge others based on prejudices

OP wasn't 'judging' this man. She was making a decision about herself, her preference, her safety. He is a man she doesn't know. That is a fact, not a personal judgement.

It isn't prejudice to say that the vast majority of violent and sexual crime is committed by men.

It isn't prejudice to say that we cannot know which men are rapists, or likely to commit sexual assault, or harrassment (of the common, everyday kind - lucky you if you're a woman who hasn't experienced that) until it's too late.

Therefore we avoid getting into situations where we would be at risk from a man who did turn out to be a rapist, or a pest, or just make us feel uncomfortable, or waste our time.

We owe random men nothing.

Instinct is not bullshit. It is unconscious risk-assessment based upon accumulated experience.

You ignore yours if you want to.

@lottiegarbanzo

"instinct" is basically a bullshit term which allows them to judge others based on prejudices

OP wasn't 'judging' this man. She was making a decision about herself, her preference, her safety. He is a man she doesn't know. That is a fact, not a personal judgement.

It isn't prejudice to say that the vast majority of violent and sexual crime is committed by men.

It isn't prejudice to say that we cannot know which men are rapists, or likely to commit sexual assault, or harrassment (of the common, everyday kind - lucky you if you're a woman who hasn't experienced that) until it's too late.

Therefore we avoid getting into situations where we would be at risk from a man who did turn out to be a rapist, or a pest, or just make us feel uncomfortable, or waste our time.

We owe random men nothing.

Instinct is not bullshit. It is unconscious risk-assessment based upon accumulated experience.

You ignore yours if you want to.

Exactly And if God forbid a woman is attacked or raped or assulated, its usually turned round to being their fault amd victim blaming, for not.recognising the danger she put herself in. The court would have a field day if this man did attack her and she had welcomed him into her car. It would always be turned round on the woman, not the man in question.

instinct" is basically a bullshit term which allows them to judge others based on prejudices

Oh wheest. Is that another version of #bekind and shut up and its OK for you to be uncomfortable, just put others first?

@BoredZelda

A woman was raped by a man on a subway train last month and other passengers stood by, watched and filmed it. Doesn't matter how busy it is, it happens

Ok, so that's one. How many more?

It is really important people understand risk properly.

Doesn't matter if there's only one if you are that one, your child is or your sister or your mum or your niece etc.

Assessing risk involves considering the risk/ reward ratio.

So a parent might decide to let their child play a contact sport where she might be injured. The parent might feel that the many benefits of playing sport outweigh the risks of the small injuries that will almost certainly happen and the tiny risk of a serious injury.

In the OPs situation, there is no reward / benefit to her letting the man in the car, there is only risk to her. So saying no is a no brainer , in risk assessment terms.

One might ask why it’s so often the woman who is expected to carry all or most of the risk while the man gets most/ all of the benefits.

No chance I’d let a complete stranger sit in my car for any length of time, simply because he asked. He’s clearly got no grasp of what’s socially acceptable / appropriate. Why would a woman want a strange man in a confined space with her! At the very least, it’s bloody awkward!

@CasaBonita

What a silly old goat. We're there no men sat in cars that he could have asked?

I bet there was men he could have asked! But why would he when he thought a woman would be a pushover!

Well done OP. Entitled prat!