Awkward situation at football practise..

[footballmum87]

Usually dh brings dd to football but tonight he was late in so I brought dd while he stays home with the other dc and does dinner and bath.
Getting out the house for an hour at this time feels like a spa break, the training area overlooks the water and it's lovely sitting in the silence. I even managed to get one of the few spots right next to the pitch so I've a perfect view of dd.
So far so good then an elderly gentleman comes over and knocks on the window to say his dgs is training and can he sit in the car with me 😕 I don't recognise him but he says his wife has popped to the shops in the car and left him here. The dc don't need to be supervised at training so he could have went with her. It's also been bloody freezing here all day and he's out with just a sports hoody on with no jacket/gloves etc.
I stuttered and made a pathetic feeble excuse about needing to make a private call and that I wasn't comfortable having anyone in the car
He looked taken aback but went off and now keeps walking past my car.
What would you have done? I feel like a bitch for not wanting some random bloke in the car ruining my hours peace but it seems really mean 😕

@tallduckandhandsome - this bloke may have watched the same documentary and been “inspired”.

You did the right thing. His response proves that IMO. No way I’d let some rando sit in my car normally, let alone during a pandemic. What an idiot.

I see the man hating is in full swing tonight - would the sentiment be any different if it was a woman wanting to sit in a strangers car? Not all women are nice people either remember

What a stupid comment. A woman wouldn’t ask to sit in a stranger’s car. A woman is also not as big a threat to women’s safety.

Do you not understand how many women are assaulted, raped and/or killed by men every year?

I’d be interested to see the stats on how many of them happen in a busy car park.

I too would be interested. I can't believe the fear that women in the UK seem to have of unknown men

I imagine he really was the grandfather of one of the children. Why hang about otherwise, after you denied his request? But still very strange of him to ask a random person if he could sit in their car in anything less than an emergency! He was the unreasonable one, without question.

Could have been Buffalo fucking Bill

He can fuck off.
Even if he was harmless, I can imagine him yapping and not shutting up ruining my peaceful alone time.

I too would be interested. I can't believe the fear that women in the UK seem to have of unknown men confused

Where do you live? I'd love to live somewhere I didn't have to feel fear of unknown men. Share this utopia with the rest of us.

Or is it just that you don't read the news much?

@gofg

Do you not understand how many women are assaulted, raped and/or killed by men every year?

I’d be interested to see the stats on how many of them happen in a busy car park.

I too would be interested. I can't believe the fear that women in the UK seem to have of unknown men

You really have no idea do you? The number of indecent exposures and touching that happens on busy trains with 6 other people within a foot of the victim is seriously high. This wasn’t a busy carpark, it would have been inside a private car in the evening.

@user1471447863

I see the man hating is in full swing tonight - would the sentiment be any different if it was a woman wanting to sit in a strangers car? Not all women are nice people either remember.

Man, woman or all stops inbetween (and these apply to both the asker and the askee), the answer should be a straight forward no I'm not having a complete stranger sit in my car, and in the midst of a pandemic it should be hell no!
He's a bit of a twat to even ask but OP you should not have a moments doubt that you did the correct thing.

It’s not man hating. You have it back to front. Men are the main perpetrators of violence towards women and girls. Perhaps those men are the ones that hate women. So yes, awkward and intrusive a request from either sex, but more concerning from a man.

I would have felt the same as you op. The fact that it was dark would have added to my unease.

@BoredZelda

Do you not understand how many women are assaulted, raped and/or killed by men every year?

I’d be interested to see the stats on how many of them happen in a busy car park.

Pages of responses in Google - first one:

www.mylondon.news/news/west-london-news/woman-assaulted-broad-daylight-attack-21493154.amp

Probably harmless, but definitely inconsiderate! No man with even a smidge of empathy, understanding or manners would dream of asking!

For all you knew, he could have been carrying a knife or other concealed weapon. And even an 70 yo man has more power in his grip than a 25 yo woman, bc testosterone.

You did right, he was wrong to ask and women generally will be perfectly reasonable to fear men until sexual assault, rape and murder of women by men are eliminated from the face of the earth.

A woman who climbed willingly into a strange man's car or allowed a strange man into hers would be victim blamed from here to Kingdom come if he did anything to harm her, almost certainly by the same clowns shaking their heads over women's foolish fears.

@ClaudiusTheGod

How is it mean for gods sake? Remember being taught about stranger danger? The guy was weird for even asking. You could have dodged a bullet there.

100% agree with this!

So busy carparks are no-go areas for predatory males? Gosh, who knew? How does the predator-repellant barrier work, exactly?

@NewlyGranny

So busy carparks are no-go areas for predatory males? Gosh, who knew? How does the predator-repellant barrier work, exactly?

I think maybe it’s between 9am and 6pm daily, weekends and bank holidays included.

@AmyDudley

This is the problem, men just don't get how uncomfortable women may feel with a request like this. Because he knows he's OK (or not -who knows?) he assumes you should think that, when you don't know him. I wouldn't want a strange man in the car with me. He had options, he could have, put up with the cold (he wouldn't get hypothermia in an hour), worn a coat hat and gloves in the first place, gone with his wife in their car. His failure to explore options isn't your problem.

This is spades.

Not even remotely awkward for you.
Total bizarre request on his part - i would never let a stranger get in my car.
He is the weirdo in this scenario.

Where do you live? I'd love to live somewhere I didn't have to feel fear of unknown men. Share this utopia with the rest of us.

Or is it just that you don't read the news much?

I live in NZ and I can assure you women here don't live in fear of unknown men - not the way you seem to in the UK. If I'm out walking in the dark and I see a man I don't run for the hills, or even cross the road, and I can't recall one single incidence of a woman in my town ever being attacked by a stranger. Does it really happen that often there? I'm not saying it doesn't happen here, mainly in cities, but not so often to make us all live in constant fear.

You really have no idea do you? The number of indecent exposures and touching that happens on busy trains with 6 other people within a foot of the victim is seriously high. This wasn’t a busy carpark, it would have been inside a private car in the evening.

No I don't, because I don't live in the UK (thank goodness by the sound of it!) - which is why I made my post. In my whole life I have never witnessed indecent exposure, and I've never been touched by a stranger.

No, that was simply not okay. You aren't the comfort station.

You have acted totally correctly on all counts OP. No need to feel awkward. If you see him again and he is a bonafide grandparent of a football kid that doesn't change this at all. If he's not sinister and malevolent he's just weird and entitled.

A close friend university friend was stabbed to death in our local hospital car park.

You did the right thing.

To the poster from New Zealand. That's your experience but Google New Zealand and sex attacks and you'll get plenty of results sadly.

Gofg you sound terrifyingly naive. I’d be worried if I had an adult daughter with such such a Mary poppins / Pollyanna type view of the world.

47 now and been leered at and harassed by men in my youth numerous times and friends have been seriously sexually assaulted by randoms so my first response in this type of scenario is suspicion. This man should blame the other men who have been so grim to me in the past if he feels sad.

In my whole life I have never witnessed indecent exposure, and I've never been touched by a stranger.

Neither have I and I’ve lived my whole life in the UK. But I see and read enough to know it goes on and I’m nervous walking alone at night after dark. You’re lucky that you don’t in NZ but don’t make us out to be paranoid, hysterical Brits. It’s real.

@gofg

You really have no idea do you? The number of indecent exposures and touching that happens on busy trains with 6 other people within a foot of the victim is seriously high. This wasn’t a busy carpark, it would have been inside a private car in the evening.

No I don't, because I don't live in the UK (thank goodness by the sound of it!) - which is why I made my post. In my whole life I have never witnessed indecent exposure, and I've never been touched by a stranger.

I've been flashed at no fewer than 6 times and three of those were in Australia. I've been groped in my crotch, I've been pinned against a wall and forcibly kissed TWICE and I've had men shout things at me too. So you must be very naive if just because you haven't had these things happen it's something to do with us or with where we live.