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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Awkward situation at football practise..

268 replies

footballmum87 · 18/11/2021 18:29

Usually dh brings dd to football but tonight he was late in so I brought dd while he stays home with the other dc and does dinner and bath.
Getting out the house for an hour at this time feels like a spa break, the training area overlooks the water and it's lovely sitting in the silence. I even managed to get one of the few spots right next to the pitch so I've a perfect view of dd.
So far so good then an elderly gentleman comes over and knocks on the window to say his dgs is training and can he sit in the car with me 😕 I don't recognise him but he says his wife has popped to the shops in the car and left him here. The dc don't need to be supervised at training so he could have went with her. It's also been bloody freezing here all day and he's out with just a sports hoody on with no jacket/gloves etc.
I stuttered and made a pathetic feeble excuse about needing to make a private call and that I wasn't comfortable having anyone in the car Blush
He looked taken aback but went off and now keeps walking past my car.
What would you have done? I feel like a bitch for not wanting some random bloke in the car ruining my hours peace but it seems really mean 😕

OP posts:
ChateauxNeufDePoop · 18/11/2021 21:27

Sounds like you've handled it all perfectly tbf Football

Ohmybod · 18/11/2021 21:32

He was definitely BU and entitled that a woman should share her car with him. The very fact that he seemed surprised just smacks of the privilege that men have in society. He has no concept of your viewpoint.

lottiegarbanzo · 18/11/2021 21:42

Well done, immediately and afterwards.

I find quite a few women treat their husband like an extra child. The men become used to being looked after by a mummy figure.

Cowpad · 18/11/2021 21:46

What is it with men,who think they are entitled to just invade any womans space.I would have told him to fuck off!

BlowDryRat · 18/11/2021 21:49

What a weirdo. No one does that. His feelings are not more important than your safety, or your own feelings for that matter.

BanditoShipman · 18/11/2021 21:49

@user1471447863

I see the man hating is in full swing tonight - would the sentiment be any different if it was a woman wanting to sit in a strangers car? Not all women are nice people either remember.

Man, woman or all stops inbetween (and these apply to both the asker and the askee), the answer should be a straight forward no I'm not having a complete stranger sit in my car, and in the midst of a pandemic it should be hell no!
He's a bit of a twat to even ask but OP you should not have a moments doubt that you did the correct thing.

Do you not understand how many women are assaulted, raped and/or killed by men every year?
FilledSoda · 18/11/2021 21:56

I hope I would have responded the same way OP.
Something like that really puts you on the back foot.

521Jeanie · 18/11/2021 22:06

Absolutely not unreasonable. He sounds as if he's living in the 1950s to think that he could ask.
Because of Covid I wouldn't sit for an hour in a car with anyone I didn't live with if I could avoid it, a friend, a neighbour - anyone.
I also wouldn't want a stranger, especially a male stranger, in my car in a dark, secluded carpark.

BoredZelda · 18/11/2021 22:07

Not sure why his age is relevant. Of course you can refuse to share your car with anyone you want to.

Shopping him to the coach as a potential peado was a bit strong, but each to their own.

BoredZelda · 18/11/2021 22:09

Do you not understand how many women are assaulted, raped and/or killed by men every year?

I’d be interested to see the stats on how many of them happen in a busy car park.

me4real · 18/11/2021 22:13

He sounds creepy, you definitely did the right thing. Even if he didn't end up being a pest in other ways, you wanted to have a bit of time to yourself and that's fine.

Sorry he messed it up a bit- wishing you the opportunity for a breather soon. x

Constance1 · 18/11/2021 22:15

@BoredZelda

Not sure why his age is relevant. Of course you can refuse to share your car with anyone you want to.

Shopping him to the coach as a potential peado was a bit strong, but each to their own.

Reporting an odd behaving man who is hanging around a children's activity who didn't appear to be with a child and who tried to gain access to a lone woman in an enclosed space is a bit strong?! Good grief.
RhubarbCustardy · 18/11/2021 22:17

Man who is a stranger. Covid is rife. He's pressuring you into letting him sit in your car by using intimidation tactics? No brainer really. Rather than feel embarrassed, I'd be bloody mad. That's equivalent to a stranger knocking on your door to use the toilet. You just wouldn't would you?

silverbubbles · 18/11/2021 22:17

OMG can't even believe you are questioning your decision not to let a strange man get into your car!!!

whitehorsesdonotlie · 18/11/2021 22:22

Were there any men he could have asked?? Any people he knew he could have asked?

Well done for standing up for yourself and saying no.

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 18/11/2021 22:28

@BoredZelda

Do you not understand how many women are assaulted, raped and/or killed by men every year?

I’d be interested to see the stats on how many of them happen in a busy car park.

Which this wasn't
Welshiefluff · 18/11/2021 22:31

What a nutjob that man is.

tallduckandhandsome · 18/11/2021 22:41

he was tall, well presented and looked in good health.

So he was a potential danger to you. Well done for saying no.

I was just watching a documentary last night about the murder of Molly McLaren, stabbed to death in her car. He was known to her but I still lock my doors whenever I’m in my car.

tallduckandhandsome · 18/11/2021 22:42

She was stabbed to death in a busy car park.

gettingolderandgrumpy · 18/11/2021 22:42

What was he thinking? seriously love can I sit in your car no you fucking well can’t as I don’t know you . Don’t worry about it op it’s him not you .

Changemusthappen · 18/11/2021 22:45

I don't understand how this was at all awkward. Asking to sit in someone's car is not normal behaviour for anyone, man or woman. However especially weird for a man to do this to a woman given the amount of crime committed by men against women.

You should not feel you have to give a reason, to coin a mumsnet phrase, 'no' is a complete sentence.

DarlingFell · 18/11/2021 22:52

Can I, a random bloke, sit in your car with you and invade your peace and space, and possibly breathe my Covid all over you?

Can you fuck. Jesus. what is it with some people.

The fact that he kept walking near your car after you had turned down his request is a clear signal that he is an entitled wanger

DarlingFell · 18/11/2021 22:54

@BoredZelda

Do you not understand how many women are assaulted, raped and/or killed by men every year?

I’d be interested to see the stats on how many of them happen in a busy car park.

The OP didn't mention the car park being busy Confused
Justilou1 · 18/11/2021 23:01

Wow! My first thought was “What if he had a knife?” Why the fuck are we conditioned to feel guilty for saying no to such a thing???

tallduckandhandsome · 18/11/2021 23:02

@Changemusthappen

I don't understand how this was at all awkward. Asking to sit in someone's car is not normal behaviour for anyone, man or woman. However especially weird for a man to do this to a woman given the amount of crime committed by men against women.

You should not feel you have to give a reason, to coin a mumsnet phrase, 'no' is a complete sentence.

Are people being disingenuous? It was clearly awkward for OP because he was elderly and it was cold, and women are socialised to put other people (especially men) ahead of themselves.