Awkward situation at football practise..

[footballmum87]

Usually dh brings dd to football but tonight he was late in so I brought dd while he stays home with the other dc and does dinner and bath.
Getting out the house for an hour at this time feels like a spa break, the training area overlooks the water and it's lovely sitting in the silence. I even managed to get one of the few spots right next to the pitch so I've a perfect view of dd.
So far so good then an elderly gentleman comes over and knocks on the window to say his dgs is training and can he sit in the car with me 😕 I don't recognise him but he says his wife has popped to the shops in the car and left him here. The dc don't need to be supervised at training so he could have went with her. It's also been bloody freezing here all day and he's out with just a sports hoody on with no jacket/gloves etc.
I stuttered and made a pathetic feeble excuse about needing to make a private call and that I wasn't comfortable having anyone in the car
He looked taken aback but went off and now keeps walking past my car.
What would you have done? I feel like a bitch for not wanting some random bloke in the car ruining my hours peace but it seems really mean 😕

It’s weird he asked, really strange behaviour that in fact. I’d have been baffled and said no to OP.

His story makes no sense - his wife went to the shops, and he stayed to watch the football, so he was expecting to stand outside and watch the kids play? so why isn't he dressed properly for that? If it's too cold to stay outside, why not just go to the shops with his wife? Or, if he's really cold, ring her and ask if she can get back quickly so he can sit in the car?

Probably, he just didn't think it through, and thought he could impose himself on a nice helpful woman to let him sit in the car, but there is a chance there's something else going on here.

Nope. Lock the doors.

It's weird and creepy that he asked. Has his wife turned up? He sounds well dodgy.

You've only got his word for it that his wife left him there and that he knows one of the kids playing.

Well done for not automatically compromising your own safety just to please a total stranger. Our ingrained politeness can be hard to resist in these situations.

'I don't know you. Please ask someone you know.'

Window back up.

Wow that takes some neck.
Just because he's elderly doesn't stop him forcing his presence on you and the assumed expectation that some nice woman will pander to his needs.
Jeez!
He could have been lying and then he'd get into the car and start making suggestions to you. If it was a big burly man would he have knocked on the window and asked??? Don't think so.

YANBU OP and why the hell does he keep walking past?
If he continued I'd have phoned someone else.
Surely there's somwehre else he could wait if he isn't dressed for the weather not your fault.
Well done for doing the right thing

You should not feel like a bitch or awkward. This is classic, people pleasing, female conditioning. You did absolutely nothing wrong to refuse a total stranger access to a private, enclosed space. As a male, even one much older than you, there'e a good chance he could have over-powered you had his intentions been nefarious. Even if he was just wanting to keep warm, he's got a bloody cheek imposing on someone else's time and space who he doesn't even know. His wife probably dumped him there to get a bit of peace and quiet away from him. The fact that it didn't even occur to him that, at best, you might not want his company, and at worst, you might be a threat to him, just shows you the level of his arrogant entitlement.

Wtf? Old or not, it was a really weird thing to ask. If he's proper old he should know that women aren't comfortable with things like this....it's not THAT long ago we had women only train carriages! They were stopped in 1977! I remember them myself.

God as i was reading that i thought you were going to say you said yes OP! I could feel my blood pressure rising.

Thank goodness you said no.

I bet there was plenty of cars with men in them he could have tried. Funny enough, he tried yours though

I wouldn't let any stranger, male or female, sit in my car. And just because a person may be 'old' that doesn't mean they don't have nefarious intentions.

To answer some questions, I'd say he looked a fit 70 odd year old. A bit older than my dad but he was tall, well presented and looked in good health. The way the pitch is designed you can get about 4-5 cars parked along the side of the pitch (the golden spaces) then there is a large car park round a corner where everyone else sits. It's close enough for the dc to run back and forward by themselves but you can't see the pitch clearly from there. There was a few people dotted about watching the children but it was so dark I couldn't even see if there were people sat in the cars in front or behind me.
Dd was one of the last off the pitch as she'd lost her hoodie like she does every week! When I left he was still walking round but no dc had went near him.
I might be totally paranoid but I messaged the coach when I get home saying I wasn't making assumptions but the man had asked to sit in my car and as far as I could see he wasn't with a child when I left so just to make him aware. He messaged back to say he had no idea who the man could be but was going to have a word with the other coaches. I now feel like a total twat incase he is a weirdo and I was worried about hurting his feelings 🙈

Don't feel bad, its not a womens job to 'be kind' all the time and not our job to look after random weirdos, bet he wouldn't have asked if your OH was the one sitting alone in the car.

Fuck that!
You absolutely did the right thing.

No one in their right mind would ask to sit in a strangers car, even if you kind of recognised someone, it's still too weird to ask. Don't feel mean, you did the sensible thing.

I see the man hating is in full swing tonight - would the sentiment be any different if it was a woman wanting to sit in a strangers car? Not all women are nice people either remember.

Man, woman or all stops inbetween (and these apply to both the asker and the askee), the answer should be a straight forward no I'm not having a complete stranger sit in my car, and in the midst of a pandemic it should be hell no!
He's a bit of a twat to even ask but OP you should not have a moments doubt that you did the correct thing.

Well done for saying no. Well done for messaging.

Jesus op. That sounds quite scary actually! You completely did the right thing. The fact no children went up to him is quite unsettling. Hopefully it's innocent but good you checked in with the coach.

@CasaBonita

What a silly old goat. We're there no men sat in cars that he could have asked?

Agreed.

He had options and he chose the one most congenial and least disruptive to him.

@user1471447863

I see the man hating is in full swing tonight - would the sentiment be any different if it was a woman wanting to sit in a strangers car? Not all women are nice people either remember.

Man, woman or all stops inbetween (and these apply to both the asker and the askee), the answer should be a straight forward no I'm not having a complete stranger sit in my car, and in the midst of a pandemic it should be hell no!
He's a bit of a twat to even ask but OP you should not have a moments doubt that you did the correct thing.

Don't be ridiculous. The chance of a man being able to over power a woman is much greater. Women are much more likely to be in danger from a man than another woman. Grow up.

You made the right decisions OP

That is really chilling.

Well done for saying No.

I can't imagine a normal man doing that.

I think his pacing up and down by your car is very strange.

Good call to contact the coaches.

It sounds off.

YANBU, I was taught not to talk to strangers and wouldn’t want one in my car

You absolutely did the right thing. No man with normal boundaries asks to sit in an unknown woman's car. So either he's a creep or mentally unwell.

@user1471447863

I see the man hating is in full swing tonight - would the sentiment be any different if it was a woman wanting to sit in a strangers car? Not all women are nice people either remember.

Man, woman or all stops inbetween (and these apply to both the asker and the askee), the answer should be a straight forward no I'm not having a complete stranger sit in my car, and in the midst of a pandemic it should be hell no!
He's a bit of a twat to even ask but OP you should not have a moments doubt that you did the correct thing.

Sure. There are hoards of elderly women out there trying to trick and attack random strangers. It's in all those news reports......oh, no, wait a minute, that's not true, is it?