We can't mention positives of Breastfeeding for fear of offending

[Silverclasp]

Recently there was an interesting thread about a husband not wanting his wife to Breastfeed (he wanted to give formula) posters were highlighting the positives of Breastfeeding (since this was the topic) but there was a response essentially saying that by pointing out the benefits that we are shaming non bf mothers.
It got me thinking that I actively don't speak about bf for this very reason, I feel like if the person I'm talking to doesn't bf it can be seen as "shaming" like I never post anything pro Breastfeeding on SM in case I offend someone. It's kind of ridiculous.
Interested in both sides of the argument.

So say I reposted an article on SM which stated that studies have indicated that breastfed babies have a larger thymus gland than formula fed babies and more tcells as a result. Would this be unreasonable and cause offence to non bf mothers?

I get rather tired of breast feeding zealots shaming depressed exhausted new mothers who are already upset about their failed milk supply, or who chose to bottle feed to fit their personal circumstances.
I'm a retired doctor and baby boomer. My generation was majority bottle fed and is the healthiest, longest lived generation in history.
The benefits of breast feeding v bottle are minimal in the UK, and undetectable by adulthood.
I see young mums worn out with cluster feeding and sleep deprivation, and frankly don't believe the game is worth the candle.

[quote Silverclasp]@MollieMaeve maybe if ppl knew the benefits it could help them with their decision?[/quote]
FFS,EVERYONE KNOWS the benefits. It’s not like you’ve suddenly made a magical discovery.

Well I'd just think why would you post it other than to imply breastfeeding = better than formula feeding.

People can do their own research on whether or not breastfeeding is for them.

If there was some article to say, for example, mothers who formula feed are less stressed and therefore bond better in the early days than breastfeeding mothers, I wouldn't post it because why would I? I'd rightly look like I was just trying to prove something.

(I'm not suggesting my example is true it's just an example for a comparison!).

@Namechangetimes100 balls to your opinion too.

I went to BF workshops, I had great support getting established in hospital, my midwife was pro BF, I went to a BF group and found a huge support network there. My GP was amazingly supportive as DD1 had reflux and the easy fix would have been putting gaviscon in a bottle. All of this despite having no family or friends who had experience to help me. I appreciate I was lucky as you clearly haven't been supported.

However if I have ever tried to post my success story on a forum I have repeatedly been told I'm wrong, there's no support. it's weird, it's exhibitionism, it's smug. So I stand by MY opinion.

I wouldn't be offended but I wouldn't bother to click and read the article either. I know the benefits of breastfeeding, is there any woman who's had a baby who doesn't?? We're told repeatedly during pregnancy and the first few days, and so we should, I don't disagree it's the best option.

However it's not repeatedly hearing how great bf is that will increase bf rates, it's actual practical support. I desperately wanted to bf and tried for 3 weeks with my first dealing with incredible pain and him not gaining any weight while all the HCPs said I had a great latch. Eventually I became actually depressed at my failure and my bond with him was seriously affected. It turned out he had a serious tongue tie that finally got snipped when he was 12 weeks. Just look on the infant feeding board to see all the women at their wit's end and desperate for help. I really don't think reminding them of how wonderful bf is will be of any use whatsoever.

I had the privilege of both being able to bf and having the financial ability to get a lactation consultant

Well there you go. You’ve been very privileged. Learning about T cells from a 25-year-old study is not helping or ‘informing’ anyone is it? Who is going to see ‘the error of their ways’ because of your link?!

Basically you’ve had a pretty straightforward breastfeeding ‘journey’ (that you’ve likely mistaken for your own achievement, when it was probably luck) and you feel buoyant about it and can’t see why everyone else can’t do the same as you…

I’ve never felt ‘silenced’ about BF, I just don’t feel the need to talk about how I fed my child. Nor about how I clothed them, got them to sleep, what nappies I chose, etc.

I don’t actually think it’s BF vs FF, I think it’s just that some mothers are preachier than others. You sound like one of them.

I breastfed for a grand total of 3 days. And I hated it. I knew right from the first feed that it wasn't for me. So we switched to formula and feeding became a joy, she was happy, I was happy, win win.

I can't say that I've ever thought that much about how other women feed their babies to be honest. As long as the babies are being fed and cared for I'm not too fussed about whether it comes from a boob or a bottle. I'm well aware of the benefits of breastfeeding and I definitely think we need more support for those who wish to do it.

If someone were to share an article about the benefits of breastfeeding on social media I wouldn't personally feel shamed, I gave it a go, didn't like it, so used the perfectly good alternative, case closed as far as I am concerned. I would roll my eyes and wonder why they posted it though and I can definitely see how someone who really wanted to breastfeed and couldn't could be upset by it. It just comes off as a bit preachy and smug to be honest. Especially if it's because you think they just need to be 'educated'. If you really want to improve rates maybe you could train as a peer supporter as a PP suggested?

I think unless you'd be prepared to post articles on the importance of folates in pregnancy, or the benefits of fresh vegetables and liver for 6 month olds, or how bad sugary drinks are for children or why fast food is bad for growing teens then don't post about breastfeeding. Giving nutrition advice is preachy.

with the Breastfeeding rates as low as they are maybe if there was more discussions about the positives then maybe more people might choose to feed?

I honestly don't even think rates are so low because people aren't informed of the positives enough tbh.

I think some people just don't enjoy breastfeeding. It's just not for everyone. Out of all my friends who breasted, the ones who decided not to carry on with it made that decision because they didn't enjoy it, not because they weren't informed by people on SM enough.

[quote Silverclasp]@Chichichiwawa because given the benefits to both mothers and baby I think that ppl are entitled to make informed decisions. They need the information to be informed.[/quote]
You don't know they don't have that information and why do you think it's your responsibility to give it to them?

With the soaring rates of child obesity in the UK, I'm surprised the preachers don't concentrate more on what/how much shit kids are often fed from weaning onwards.

Why is it always about the milk? 🥱

I'm very pro breastfeeding. I have tended to keep quiet though until I know what someone is doing.

More then once I have messaged a friend something along the lines of "if you would like to talk about bf please call me at anytime, even if you want to sit and tell me how amazingly you are doing, cause you or how hard you are finding it are i am here and love talking about bf. I wont ever pressure you but have bags of support" I've actually had great response to that

I do care slightly less now though. I share lots of bf related stuff online and while I'd never say anything negative to a formula feeding mother I couldn't care less if my pro breastfeeding stance offends them

I feel like people know breastmilk is better. No one really think formula is better unless specific circumstances. It's kinda undermining to imply that people don't know that. I find it insulting people saying that to me, breastfeeding WASN’T best for us, because DS would have starved. So it is insulting to tell parents who've made the right decision for their child that they haven't. A midwife had the argument with me until I whipped my scabby nipples out at her.

Women aren't idiots, we know about the benefits of breastfeeding.

What many women don't know however, is how they can manage to get their crying baby to latch on, at 3 in the morning, 9 hours post partum, when the midwife who was helping had to 'pop out' 55 mins ago to answer a call and hasn't come back.

Or how to cope with cracked. bleeding nipples and thrush, when their mother and MIL encourage them to 'just give a bottle'

Or how to cope with cluster feeding, exhaustion and night feeds once their DH has gone back to work.

Or how to find the confidence to feed in public when others aren't.

I BF three kids btw, but in this country we are nowhere near being at the level of BF support that new mums need imo

@Spedder

People know the benefits of breastfeeding. If they don’t breastfeed it’s usually because they can’t, or because there’s not enough support. It’s only a small minority who purposely choose not to breastfeed, and their kids will face bigger problems than the lack of breast milk.

It’s only a small minority who purposely choose not to breastfeed, and their kids will face bigger problems than the lack of breast milk.

🤣🤣🤣

I really don't think it is as simple as saying that more people would breastfeed if only they were aware of the benefits. The culture here seems to be that breast is best (fine), but with a lot of pressure to breastfeed and the subtext that if you don't breastfeed you are somehow failing your child, and overall quite "preachy". Then however mothers are not given the tools and support that are needed to be able to breastfeed successfully. So I think in this context, even if well intended, sharing articles can be easily misunderstood or cause upset and offence.

Post on here that you are struggling with breastfeeding and you will be inundated with warm, kindly meant advice that formula feeding is fine and it doesn’t matter.

Post that you don’t want to formula feed, you really want to breastfeed, and the responses are not quite so warm.

YANBU, op.

I also think there is far too much pressure to formula feed.

[quote CeeceeBloomingdale]@Namechangetimes100 balls to your opinion too.

I went to BF workshops, I had great support getting established in hospital, my midwife was pro BF, I went to a BF group and found a huge support network there. My GP was amazingly supportive as DD1 had reflux and the easy fix would have been putting gaviscon in a bottle. All of this despite having no family or friends who had experience to help me. I appreciate I was lucky as you clearly haven't been supported.

However if I have ever tried to post my success story on a forum I have repeatedly been told I'm wrong, there's no support. it's weird, it's exhibitionism, it's smug. So I stand by MY opinion.[/quote]
But there is limited support and breastfeeding is often undermined by hcps, those are just the facts. If you’re on any BF SM groups you can easily see that.

I’m glad you had support but it certainly isn’t the case for most, it appears to be a post code lottery.

I however do not get why the ‘need’ to post your infant feeding ‘success’ on SM, maybe on a breastfeeding support/ journey page but in general, even to me it would come across as goady and smug and I breastfed my daughter til 2. But I’m also someone who would never announce a pregnancy on Fb, or a promotion or a pay rise. It does strike me as having something to prove, sorry, not having a go and don’t take it personally but I can totally see to how women who really really struggled and didn’t have access to the support you did, that posts like that come across as smug.

(The exhibition argument though I find exhausting as that’s literally what social media is and no one would ever comment on someone posting holiday snaps of them in a swimsuit as exhibitionist, although I think this aligns with my comment on our backwards breastfeeding culture)

[quote Silverclasp]@Chichichiwawa because given the benefits to both mothers and baby I think that ppl are entitled to make informed decisions. They need the information to be informed.[/quote]
To be honest I don’t think information is the problem, when I was pregnant I felt bashed over the head with people telling me that ‘breast is best.’ To the contrary, when I researched it I found that many of the standard claims about bf are simply not true (‘bf will help your baby be the smartest adult in the room!’ Etc etc )

I think the reason a lot of people don’t EBF is because it just doesn’t work for them. We combi feed, so I assume I wouldn’t be counted within BF ‘rates’. I do however know several women who’ve become miserable (and made their babies miserable) in a quest to achieve EBF when it just didn’t work for them and their bodies. So please - no more pressure.

@zoemum2006

In my experience women who formula fed had a better relationship with their baby’s dad and we know how much better it is for children to grow up in a two parent family.

SEE it’s really * obnoxious isn’t it?!

That isn’t a fair comparison to what OP is suggesting. She is asking about sharing an article that references studies that have been done. Not saying “in my experience…”

I breastfed and wouldn’t find it obnoxious for someone to share an article referencing decent research to back up both claims in your statement. If studies show that, then whether it supports what I did isn’t really relevant to how I feel about it.

[quote Silverclasp]@MrsSchrute I saw the article and thought it was interesting and sent it to my friends who are bf but didn't post it on sm for the reason that you outlined.
Just with the Breastfeeding rates as low as they are maybe if there was more discussions about the positives then maybe more people might choose to feed? I lived in Sweden for a while and there bf rates are really high. They have lots of TV campaigns about the positives of bf. I feel like that wouldn't happen here in case it offended ppl[/quote]
I would imagine the reason that rates are higher there are because of the enormous amount of support you get when you have a child, and the amount of parental leave you can take.

Everyone knows that breast feeding has benefits, because you are told by medical professionals. You don't need to hear it from women on Facebook and Instagram. Feed your baby how you feel is best, and allow other people do the same. Peer to peer education doesn't work if people feel preached to, which is inevitably what ends up happening.

There is a lot to be said for minding your own business. Especially when it comes to babies.

@Namechangetimes100 I’m not talking about social media though, an anonymous forum is a little different. Nor am I starting threads going yay me. I’m talking about when someone pregnant asks if BF is always difficult, I want to post that I found it quite easy. This irritates people hugely though who aren’t secure in their own choices. I BF both of mine for 2 years, they are in double figures now, social media wasn’t as commonly used then but I did use forums. It’s not about being smug, it’s about helping someone else in that context.

When you decided to share it, had you realised how old it was? Did you know what the impact of a larger thymus gland and increased T-cells was?