We can't mention positives of Breastfeeding for fear of offending

[Silverclasp]

Recently there was an interesting thread about a husband not wanting his wife to Breastfeed (he wanted to give formula) posters were highlighting the positives of Breastfeeding (since this was the topic) but there was a response essentially saying that by pointing out the benefits that we are shaming non bf mothers.
It got me thinking that I actively don't speak about bf for this very reason, I feel like if the person I'm talking to doesn't bf it can be seen as "shaming" like I never post anything pro Breastfeeding on SM in case I offend someone. It's kind of ridiculous.
Interested in both sides of the argument.

So say I reposted an article on SM which stated that studies have indicated that breastfed babies have a larger thymus gland than formula fed babies and more tcells as a result. Would this be unreasonable and cause offence to non bf mothers?

Quite apart from anything else, one study means sod all. Where was it published, who by, what was the n number, was it randomozed and controlled, prospective, observational, etc? If you're not aware of the importance of these various factors and are not taking them into account with what you share on SM, then you're just posting anything that supports your existing position.

fair enough thinks it's clear I was being unreasonable for asking the question

I think it's one of those topics which is just totally fraught with emotion!

I think lot of women start off breastfeeding and the stop in this country, if you look at the stats. So, I think the appetite to breastfeed is there, it just doesn't always work out for everyone. So I'm not 100% sure what the benefit of listing the...benefits of it are? Too many benefits in that sentence?

I remember going to breastfeeding courses when pregnant with dc1 and they just rhymed off the benefits. I was like "I KNOW! I want to bf. That's why I'm near you numpties 🤣".

Anyway, I've done all kinds of feeding. Ebf, mixed feeding, exclusive pumping, ff. I know ebf is the gold standard, but sometimes it really isn't even possible, let alone manageable. Eg being very sick after birth and being in separate wards with baby being tube fed in an incubator (this happened with one of mine). So, I think it can be a bit insensitive if someone who has had a successful bf journey goes on about the benefits. But factually you are correct of course! Ebf babies are almost always better off if it works.

But you know those threads where people say "my kids are not doing well at school and my friend keeps going on about her dc exam results being amazing" and everyone says "what a twat"? Yeah...that.

@TulipsGarden

But everyone knows the benefits of breastfeeding. It's not a secret, it's rammed down your throat the minute you start engaging with anything related to babies and motherhood.

People don't breastfeed for two reasons - 1) they don't want to OR 2) they can't. They are free to make that choice, and if they can't they probably feel a bit shit about it, even if they know it's for the best. Posting stuff about breastfed babies being healthier is very unlikely to influence anyone's previously made decision, and reasonably likely to make someone feel shit about themselves.

Exactly this!

Having comforted two friends recently through what they saw as their “failure” to breastfeed, I can’t understand why anyone would want to make someone else feel like shit about what food they choose to give their baby.

And don’t patronise people by suggesting they need to be more educated in order to make the decision when what you actually mean is you want to “educate” people into making a decision you agree with.

It’s a topic that causes some women a lot of grief and guilt because many women set out wanting to breastfeed but then have to stop for a variety of reasons, mostly rubbish support. And that can understandably be a very upsetting experience. Those women know about the benefits of breastfeeding, it’s why they wanted to do it.

Unfortunately BF rates will never increase as the very minute you try and share a positive experience there will be 10 others telling you you're making them feel bad for not BF or not wanting to BF. It's a shame women can't support other women regardless of feeding decisions, I felt like my feeding choice was either ridiculed, belittled or silenced.

The key thing to successful BF is to have support and advice from women who have experienced it positively. As most women who BF are silenced at every opportunity the support isn't there. BF is not the norm any longer sadly.

So say I reposted an article on SM which stated that studies have indicated that breastfed babies have a larger thymus gland than formula fed babies and more tcells as a result. Would this be unreasonable and cause offence to non bf mothers?

It wouldn’t cause me offence, but it is another thing that would make me sad that I wasn’t able to breastfeed as long as I’d wanted to.

We know that nutritionally speaking breast milk is the best food for babies. Every time I buy formula online I have to click away a warning box telling me that breast is best.

YES WE GET IT BREASTFEEDING IS AMAZING.

It doesn’t work for everyone though.

@CeeceeBloomingdale

Unfortunately BF rates will never increase as the very minute you try and share a positive experience there will be 10 others telling you you're making them feel bad for not BF or not wanting to BF. It's a shame women can't support other women regardless of feeding decisions, I felt like my feeding choice was either ridiculed, belittled or silenced.

The key thing to successful BF is to have support and advice from women who have experienced it positively. As most women who BF are silenced at every opportunity the support isn't there. BF is not the norm any longer sadly.

Agreed.

@Throckmorton There have been many studies about this from what I can gather it's widely known throughout the scientific community but I wasn't aware until a doctor I follow posted it. The way it was phrased in this article didn't help either hence why I didn't share.

pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/8888912/

@Silverclasp

fair enough thinks it's clear I was being unreasonable for asking the question

If you genuinely want to be supportive of breastfeeding not just come across as a bit of a show off or one of those holier than thou mums, maybe train as a peer supporter? You can go to peoples homes or attend groups or even take a few calls? I think that’s more supportive.

Or if SM posts really are your ‘thing’ why not maybe post something about accessing the right support for breastfeeding. You know highlighting infant feeding teams as an amazing free resources, IBLBCs, tongue tie and what the signs and symptoms of that are? Again, more helpful

I wouldn't be offended at all.
Post to your hearts content.

I'm not interested though, so wouldn't respond to your post.

But if you plaster it all over and keep posting the same things over and over, if you keep spamming the same message over and over, you'll probably find yourself blocked by me.

I mean ... Do you really think women will think "i was going to formula feed but as breastfeeding has a slight chance of giving my baby a few more t cells, I'll breastfeed instead". Women don't breastfeed because of t cells. They breastfeed because they want to, their body produces the milk and they have the support to do so.

Wouldn't it be a better use of your time volunteering to help women who can and want to breastfeed to be able to do that? That's would be a tangible useful thing you could do to improve breastfeeding rates, with women who actually want to talk about breastfeeding instead of lecturing women who don't want to hear it.

Posting these things on Facebook to "inform" women who can't or don't want to breastfeed is just really pointless.

Tbh I think people love to be offended and will find a way to feel discriminated against if they feel so inclined. It doesn't matter what the topic is, you will find offense has been found somewhere.

It’s smug and self righteous, and literally nobody cares once the baby gets to about 3 or so.

I was unable to breastfeed, I actually never produced milk.

I didn’t go and seek support because as long as my baby was fed I really didn’t care that it wasn’t able to be through bf.

And let’s be honest, while people bleat on about the health benefits of bf, no-one ever seems to talk about the negatives, the effect on women’s mental health when they are unable to put the baby down for hours and hours and hours, and the guilt they feel because they should be constantly feeding.

I know more than one woman who attributes her post natal depression to the fact that she breastfed and felt that she should be breastfeeding, and who say that as soon as they gave up and switched to formula. But if anyone started posting about that they would be shot down for not being pro bf.

BF has benefits, but it has an awful lot of downsides as well, and these should be recognised as well.

@CeeceeBloomingdale

Unfortunately BF rates will never increase as the very minute you try and share a positive experience there will be 10 others telling you you're making them feel bad for not BF or not wanting to BF. It's a shame women can't support other women regardless of feeding decisions, I felt like my feeding choice was either ridiculed, belittled or silenced.

The key thing to successful BF is to have support and advice from women who have experienced it positively. As most women who BF are silenced at every opportunity the support isn't there. BF is not the norm any longer sadly.

Balls! You’re putting the blame on mothers and it doesn’t belong at their door. It’s at the door of HCPs. The midwives and support workers who in hospital after delivery, refuse to provide feeding support, the midwife on the day 5 visit who says a painful latch is normal but baby has lost 10% weight so needs to ‘top up’, the HV who can’t be arsed and says well just give formula it will be fine, the GP who says formula is best, the dentist who says breastfeeding rots teeth, the paediatrician who advises early weaning due to nightwaking. Not to mention the utterly backwards culture the UK has towards breastfeeding and this weird children should be seen and not heard mentality.

Breastfeeding support is rarely sign posted to and often is the preserve of the wealthy.

You can understand why some women feel tremendous shame about not getting as far in their breastfeeding journey as they’d wanted. The support is not there, but it’s not other women who are the real problem. Women are being let down, yet again by HCPs.

This is why breastfeeding isn’t common place.

I’ll get off my soapbox now

Does your article about this gland thing know the difference between correlation and causation, because 90% of the stuff that was pushed on me as a new mother did not. See also, 'evidence' that it is bad that breastfeeding rates are low in this country because in the developing world babies die due to poor sanitation

Just for the record I wasn't chomping at the bit to post the article. I just found it interesting that I wouldn't post it out of fear of offending someone, when if it was another scientific article about something else I was interested in I would prob have posted it.
I just wanted to see others opinions and whether they feel the same.
I do find in interesting that ireland where I live has the lowest bf rates in Europe but the support here is non existent. I had the privilege of both being able to bf and having the financial ability to get a lactation consultant.

Given the general shit posted on SM, I’m not sure why so many people are saying “but WHY would you post it?”
Why does anyone share an article on SM - I assume because they think it’s interesting. I don’t really use fb so would never post an article, but people post all sorts of nonsense without having to examine their deep motivations for it.

@HeartsAndClubs

It’s smug and self righteous, and literally nobody cares once the baby gets to about 3 or so.

I was unable to breastfeed, I actually never produced milk.

I didn’t go and seek support because as long as my baby was fed I really didn’t care that it wasn’t able to be through bf.

And let’s be honest, while people bleat on about the health benefits of bf, no-one ever seems to talk about the negatives, the effect on women’s mental health when they are unable to put the baby down for hours and hours and hours, and the guilt they feel because they should be constantly feeding.

I know more than one woman who attributes her post natal depression to the fact that she breastfed and felt that she should be breastfeeding, and who say that as soon as they gave up and switched to formula. But if anyone started posting about that they would be shot down for not being pro bf.

BF has benefits, but it has an awful lot of downsides as well, and these should be recognised as well.

Why’s it smug?

In my experience women who formula fed had a better relationship with their baby’s dad and we know how much better it is for children to grow up in a two parent family.

SEE it’s really * obnoxious isn’t it?!

@HeartsAndClubs

It’s smug and self righteous, and literally nobody cares once the baby gets to about 3 or so.

I was unable to breastfeed, I actually never produced milk.

I didn’t go and seek support because as long as my baby was fed I really didn’t care that it wasn’t able to be through bf.

And let’s be honest, while people bleat on about the health benefits of bf, no-one ever seems to talk about the negatives, the effect on women’s mental health when they are unable to put the baby down for hours and hours and hours, and the guilt they feel because they should be constantly feeding.

I know more than one woman who attributes her post natal depression to the fact that she breastfed and felt that she should be breastfeeding, and who say that as soon as they gave up and switched to formula. But if anyone started posting about that they would be shot down for not being pro bf.

BF has benefits, but it has an awful lot of downsides as well, and these should be recognised as well.

Smug Self righteous No one cares Bleat Causes post natal depression Constantly feeding

So many negative words and phrases, you sound angry and bitter. I completely disagree. All you see is people talking about the negatives, if you try and share a positive experience you are labelled smug, self righteous etc. Honestly your post is illustrating precisely why people feel unable to talk about BF.

That article is from 1996. By now any topic of that age has either been superceded or gone mainstream. If there is a large body of literature on this and its established scientific fact then it will already be informing the advice people get on breast feeding: ie it improves the immune system. Therefore you don't need to share the article as people already know the main take home message. Unless your mates are immunologists, they won't care by what parameters the improvement of the immune system was measured by.

Imagine a SM post telling poor people that fresh meat and vegetables are better for their children than frozen chicken nuggets and canned vegetables. How do you think they are going to feel? Are they going to magic up the money to buy fresh meat and veg, or are they going to feel a bit shit that they can’t do the best for their children?

That’s how being hammered with Breast Is Best information feels to women who wanted to breastfeed but couldn’t.

@CeeceeBloomingdale this!

I can't seem to read the whole text, only the abstract...which says "The cause of this difference is unknown".