We can't mention positives of Breastfeeding for fear of offending

[Silverclasp]

Recently there was an interesting thread about a husband not wanting his wife to Breastfeed (he wanted to give formula) posters were highlighting the positives of Breastfeeding (since this was the topic) but there was a response essentially saying that by pointing out the benefits that we are shaming non bf mothers.
It got me thinking that I actively don't speak about bf for this very reason, I feel like if the person I'm talking to doesn't bf it can be seen as "shaming" like I never post anything pro Breastfeeding on SM in case I offend someone. It's kind of ridiculous.
Interested in both sides of the argument.

So say I reposted an article on SM which stated that studies have indicated that breastfed babies have a larger thymus gland than formula fed babies and more tcells as a result. Would this be unreasonable and cause offence to non bf mothers?

Changing the attitudes of people who comment like "are you not done doing that yet" to mothers of 3 month old babies, and the idea of you can only bf if you do so "modestly" would go further to help improve bf rates imo.

I would wonder what your agenda was? Why are you so concerned about my baby and how they're fed for 6-18 months?

Perhaps if it was an article which offered guidance on beginning breastfeeding it could be useful, but the one you reference sounds just to be a demonstration that you made the 'right' choice.

It really isn't the black and white debate you're implying. Most, at least among the women I've encountered know there are benefits to breastfeeding, that still doesn't mean they want to do it. Every idiot going knows exercise is important to stay healthy, doesn't mean all can or want to do it.

I also, don't think women need more information about what we should be doing, we need more support to do what we want to do.

@3cats4poniesandababy

But in the UK most mothers want to breastfeed so telling them the benefits is pointless they already know them.

Usually the reason for stopping comes down to poor support. The NHS and other places are excellent at prompting the benefits but when it actually comes down to doing actions they are poor.

I agree. I think the benefits are spoken about widely that’s not the problem.

Breastfeeding rates are low due to lack of support - in hospitals , in general- there just isn’t the level of support equal to the level of pressure to breastfeed for the benefits it’s like people think just knowing how great it is will remove any barriers when in actual fact there needs to much better support

Well I didn't know that particular benefit and I consider myself well informed on the topic.

But it totally depends on audience. I would share that in a BF Facebook group I'm in because people would be interested, but not more generally as the vast, vast majority of my social media contacts wouldn't give a shit.

[quote Silverclasp]@WorraLiberty if women are making informed decisions then that's 100% fine everyone should feed their baby the way the want to, but I didn't know that information about the tcells so I assume many others don't either?[/quote]
Well your social media page isn't the only way they can find out when they're considering how to feed their babies.

Plus there's so much shit posted on SM anyway, I'd always advice them to speak to medically trained people.

But who cares if breastfeeding makes a babies thymus bigger? If your friends care, post it. If they don't, then don't.

You feed your baby how you want. Nobody else wants you telling them about the benefits of breastfeeding because it doesn't actually matter in the grand scheme of things if someone breast or bottle feeds their children. Why do you care so much? Why don't you do something useful and get trained as a breastfeeding peer supporter?

[quote Silverclasp]@MollieMaeve maybe if ppl knew the benefits it could help them with their decision?[/quote]
I knew the "benefits" of BF, still decided not to though. No amount of patronising would make me change my mind either.

In real world no one cares....a baby is loved and fed and kept warm...by age 5 you no idea which baby was bf, FF who walked first and who spoke first. Why put anything on SM.

@Chichichiwawa relax.... I was just interested in ppls opinions

People clearly don’t know the benefits of breastfeeding though. It’s often stated that formula is just as healthy for a baby as breastmilk. Formula absolutely is an amazing food and I am incredibly happy it is available. Formula has literally saved infant lives. Formula has kept families out of extreme poverty. Formula is nothing short of a miracle. Yet, barring genetic conditions or allergies, breastmilk is healthier than formula.

When I was pregnant I was absolutely convinced I wouldn't be able to breastfeed (not unfounded, a surgeon told me I had insufficient glandular tissue). I felt that the whole way through my pregnancy the benefits of breastfeeding were EVERYWHERE and I used to get desperately upset at the thought that I couldn't. The midwives were so pro breastfeeding that they didnt really take my concerns about not being able to very seriously.

As it happened, I have managed to combi feed my baby which I'm pleased about. But I'm very mindful of how I used to feel seeing all the pro breastfeeding content everywhere when I was pregnant so I dont share any of it, or go on about it. I'm fairly certain every pregnant woman in the UK can easily access the pros and cons if they want to.

That being said, I get a lot more negative comments about BFing than I do about giving DD bottles. Comments about how badly BF babies sleep, unfair that my DH doesnt share the nights. In fact my DH has been made to feel very guilty about the fact that I BF overnight (my choice!) so he isnt very involved in the night feedings.

I wish people would bore off with their unsolicited opinions on both breast and bottle, frankly.

relax.... I was just interested in ppls opinions

I'm interested to know why you care so deeply about how other people feed their kids though. Why is it so important that other people are as well informed as you are about breastfeeding?

If you were my friend and posted that on social media I’d unfollow you to be honest, but that’s because I desperately wanted to breastfeed, tried really hard and just couldn’t. I felt like I was drowning in information about the benefits of breastfeeding for the whole time my daughter was tiny, and social media stuff/ accounts that I followed about sleep/ general parenting stuff or just how hard it all is sometimes (that I relied on because I had a baby in lockdown and didn’t really have any family support) would post loads about how amazing breastfeeding/ breast milk is and whilst it was all no doubt true it just made me feel utterly shit. Not ‘shamed’ just a complete failure.

That’s not to say you shouldn’t share it, or talk about the benefits - I have no issue with that - but I’d just want to remove myself from it because it still has the capacity to bring me to tears in a low moment.

Like a pp said - what/who would it be for? Too late for anyone who has already started feeding their baby however they chose/ circumstances dictated - likely to give anyone who either did breastfeed or is currently a bit of a warm glow of self satisfaction which, sure why not? But I’m sure they feel good about their choices anyway. Equally likely to make those who weren’t able to bf who wanted to feel shit. If someone chose to ff it’s either going to make them feel a bit bad or make absolutely no difference depending on how secure they felt in that choice. The only people I can see it making an actual ‘positive’ difference to are anyone expecting or planning children in the near future who are undecided about how to feed - how many of those are on your social media feed and likely to appreciate it from you, rather than asking a health professional or similar?

Plus I felt like when I was pregnant the world and his wife queued up to tell me how important breastfeeding is, but when it didn’t work it was very much a case of shrugged shoulders and ‘oh well just give her formula then’ - I don’t feel like it’s me/ other mothers who need educating on the benefits, but there’s clearly a real need for some actual practical support when it doesn’t work out - either to actually get it established (though I’m not sure anything would have worked in my case) or to support the emotional fallout when it can’t be - was a major cause of pnd for me for example.

Takling about BF is absolutely fine. Pushing your beliefs onto me isn't fine. It's assuming that I am stupid and didn't do my own research.

It's like me preaching that both my FF children slept 12 hours a night from 8 weeks and implying you are a terrible parent doing something wrong because yours don't.

I don’t know about the health benefits in relation to T cells but I do know the general health benefits of breast feeding. That’s enough to allow people to make a decision. If people are really interested they can do their own research on very specific areas and the health benefits. I’m being induced tomorrow and intend to breastfeed, the information on the benefits of breastfeeding has been everywhere. It’s included in my maternity notes, the midwives have mentioned it, I’ve had an appointment with a health care assistant to discuss it, NCT held their own course on it. I’ve said throughout to midwives that breastfeeding shouldn’t come at the expense of my mental health, which they’ve all agreed with and said was a very sensible approach. I’ve got gestational diabetes so the health benefits for me and baby are even greater if I can breastfeed but I’m still trying to keep in the front of my mind that it’s a balance. Two women that were due around the same time as me but already have their babies are really struggling with breast feeding. One is running herself into the ground, taking medication to increase her supply, expressing, feeding and having to supplement with formula. She doesn’t need to get into the specifics of benefits to T cells, she needs to be told that it’s OK to feed her baby however she can, that she needs sleep and to go easy on herself.

@DriftingBlue

People clearly don’t know the benefits of breastfeeding though. It’s often stated that formula is just as healthy for a baby as breastmilk. Formula absolutely is an amazing food and I am incredibly happy it is available. Formula has literally saved infant lives. Formula has kept families out of extreme poverty. Formula is nothing short of a miracle. Yet, barring genetic conditions or allergies, breastmilk is healthier than formula.

Most people do know the benefits of breastfeeding.

But as you said yourself, "Formula absolutely is amazing food"

So that's why lots of women opt to FF.

Just because they decide that's what they want to do, doesn't mean they don't know the benefits of both.

@Chichichiwawa because given the benefits to both mothers and baby I think that ppl are entitled to make informed decisions. They need the information to be informed.

I really don’t see the need to comment on feeding choice, leave it to the professionals to give information.

The fact is birth and motherhood can lead to extremely difficult mental states for a lot of women, inability to breastfeed as a result can be extremely triggering to a lot of women.

Women aren’t stupid they can do their own research if they want. No one needs you Bible bashing on social media shouting Jesus Saves, because that’s effectively what you’re doing. Preach to the converted by all means but don’t expect people who have been traumatised by your religion to appreciate your message!

Breastfeed or don’t breastfeed. People really don’t care. But people will talk about you if you repost pseudo-science related to breastfeeding on social media.

People know it’s ‘best’ (🙄) so why the need? I’m not that smug in my own choices that I feel the need to ram it down the throats of others.

And if I’m honest, I wouldn’t share a post like to at firstly because I’m sane in case a woman who had tried hard to feed but couldn’t saw it and felt shit.

Unless you want to start a bun fight I wouldn’t put that on social media. Not everyone can breast feed, even though they may have wanted to.

Why can’t you just feed your baby without preaching about it on social media.

Any time you provide the scientifically proven positives of something you are perceived as shaming those who have not followed that path for whatever reason.

People seem incapable of being able to accept they may have chosen a path based purely on preference, and that it may not have been "the best" in an objective sense, but worked best for them. It's like they always need to be right or seen to be doing the best, when people chose things for lots of reasons with no shame. Drives me fucking nuts.

[quote Silverclasp]@MrsSchrute I saw the article and thought it was interesting and sent it to my friends who are bf but didn't post it on sm for the reason that you outlined.
Just with the Breastfeeding rates as low as they are maybe if there was more discussions about the positives then maybe more people might choose to feed? I lived in Sweden for a while and there bf rates are really high. They have lots of TV campaigns about the positives of bf. I feel like that wouldn't happen here in case it offended ppl[/quote]
Sorry @Silverclasp but this attitude I don’t get. I breastfed my daughter for close to 2 years but I never felt the need to work to improve UK breastfeeding rates through social media posts.

I’m a member of a few Fb breastfeeding support groups and they’ve got a similar mentality and I honestly think it’s toxic. All about the ‘dangers of formula’ (I mean come on), overstated breastfeeding benefits and when mothers are clearly struggling and babies weight gain is faltering the answer is always ‘it’s normal Hun’ ‘have you tried co sleeping’ or ‘ feed feed feed’.

The reason breastfeeding rates in this country are atrocious is due to the awful support provided from many HCPs, this is where advocacy is needed, not tiny marginal health ‘benefits’ that 97% of the population have never heard of before.

[quote Silverclasp]@WorraLiberty if women are making informed decisions then that's 100% fine everyone should feed their baby the way the want to, but I didn't know that information about the tcells so I assume many others don't either?[/quote]
If you’re going to break every decision you make for your child down to a molecular level, you’ll never make any decision. Get a grip.

Everyone knows already. Don’t go on about it, it’s tedious.

because given the benefits to both mothers and baby I think that ppl are entitled to make informed decisions. They need the information to be informed.

And you feel you are the best person to provide that information?