AIBU Husband's No Name For Me

[bringmeanother]

Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed with my DH. He never uses my name and doesn't have a diminutive or lovey dovey name for me. He refers to me by "you". To his work colleagues by phone I'm " the wife". Married over 20 years.

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How does he get your attention/start a conversation with you?

So if you're upstairs and he wants you he shouts 'you'?

How on earth have you been married to someone who cannot address you properly for 20 years?

I don't understand how he calls you - he just says "Oi! You?"

I’d just start referring to him as ‘my first husband’ in conversations. And call him ‘Derek’. Unless that’s his actual name, obv.

You’ve just forgotten his actual name, and it’s hardly worth learning it at this stage in the process of interviewing for an upgrade.

I never heard my dad used my mum’s name. If he wanted to call her from another room he’d shout Hello, Dear!
It was allegedly because he hated her name. That may be the case, but it has left me with an absolute loathing for “dear” as a term of endearment. It makes my skin crawl.

@Unicornsanctuary

I’d just start referring to him as ‘my first husband’ in conversations. And call him ‘Derek’. Unless that’s his actual name, obv.

You’ve just forgotten his actual name, and it’s hardly worth learning it at this stage in the process of interviewing for an upgrade.

I like this idea.

Also wondering how he gets your attention in the first place. If he just starts talking and expects you to reply, I might start being unable to hear him until he actually said 'Skip...'

Get a name badge

I’d just start referring to him as ‘my first husband’ in conversations.

Love this.

I’d just start referring to him as ‘my first husband’ in conversations perfect

Get a name badge also perfect

@ILoveShula 😀

I don't like my husband's name, so call him love.

If talking to others I haven't yet found an alternative to using his name though.

I don’t use peoples names really. I don’t know why. It’s just how I am. There’s no intent to offend by it. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it?

Have you asked him why he va does this?

I don't tend to use my husbands name tbh, and he definitely doesn't use mine (to the point I'd think I was in trouble if he did !) that said we do use nicknames and do not think I'd like to be referred to by You. The wife in the mobile is fine with me, although I've just realised I don't know what I am in Dhs phone. I am going to assume I am Supreme Lord and Commander or similar

What does he have on his phone, for your number?

I don't use people's names either - not sure why!

I CANNOT call my DH by his name but I do have lots of nicknames and I can use his first name with other people.

This seems like an opportunity to use a version of the late Terry Wogan's description of his wife as "the present Mrs Wogan". Let him know he's on a final warning

I'd be a bit sad.

I love hearing him say my name, and his pet name for me.

My parents were the same. Mum had a nickname for Dad but Dad never ever used a name for mum. If at home, he would just start speaking directly to her. If out with friends he would say "we" or something along the lines of "my good lady wife".

If having to give names at a hospital, event etc he would say Mr & Mrs XYZ. They had a very unusual surname so I'm never aware of him being asked to clarify.

It does sound very odd explaining it to others but it seemed totally normal at the time!

Sorry had to ask....

What about during sex?

I have never ever heard my dad call my
mum by her name, I'm in my 40's. However, his name for her is "Love" and that's what she responds to. To call someone "You" is just disrespectful and I wouldn't respond or acknowledge him if he called me that.

I’m another who finds it weird to use my DP’s actual name.

If I call him from the other room it always sound weird and it makes him laugh, no idea why!!

We always call each other pet names though. Without all the babe, bubs and boo, I don’t know what I’d call him in casual conversation though. It doesn’t help that I’m the only person who uses his full name (as he requested of me when we met) and everyone else calls him the short name, so others will refer to him as Bob and I’m the only one saying Robert, which might be why he finds it funny!

I like the suggestion of a name badge or calling him a totally different name. Make a joke of it.

Unless I knew a work colleague's spouse in a personal way, I would find it a lite bit odd if they referred to them by name.
Are you saved in his phone as The Wife?

@bringmeanother

Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed with my DH. He never uses my name and doesn't have a diminutive or lovey dovey name for me. He refers to me by "you". To his work colleagues by phone I'm " the wife". Married over 20 years.

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"Hey you" "What now knobhead?"

@TacoTues

Sorry had to ask....

What about during sex?

I've never had people say my name during sex. That would irritate me.