AIBU Husband's No Name For Me

[bringmeanother]

Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed with my DH. He never uses my name and doesn't have a diminutive or lovey dovey name for me. He refers to me by "you". To his work colleagues by phone I'm " the wife". Married over 20 years.

Bookmark

Perhaps he's showing you respect???

www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-40745343

in traditional Indian society, the husband is equated with god and a woman is taught from a young age that she must respect him.

She is told that naming her husband could invite bad luck and shorten his life.

But otherwise, yanbu!

I was like this with two former DPs - felt really awkward saying their very ordinary names to them so would say 'Darling'. Could say their name to other people.

I never heard my Ddad say my Dmum's name to her. Once said he didn't much care for it.

Also the phone bit doesn't really matter does it? I thought everyone left people in as whatever they first went in as. Eg in Catastrophe, 4 years, 2 kids and married in Robs phone still flashes 'Sharon London Sex'

Dh never calls me by my name and it would massively creep the fuck out of me if he did it during sex

It's either:

'Wifie'
'Goddess'
"most beautiful"

Or
"Queen of all she surveys"

Yanbu at all.

My husband calls me by his nickname for me , which I love, and refers to me to others by my name.

Never 'you!'

Has he forgotten it and is too embarrassed to ask? This is the case for me and quite a few people.

Or “my current husband”

Yanbu but if he’s never done it before then he’s unlikely to start now

@RuggerHug

Also the phone bit doesn't really matter does it? I thought everyone left people in as whatever they first went in as. Eg in Catastrophe, 4 years, 2 kids and married in Robs phone still flashes 'Sharon London Sex'

I still have "Lucy's Mum", "Woman pink coat pick-up" and "knobber electrician" in mine.

I do actually know their names now.

Never call dh his name unless referring to him when talking to someone. He introduced himself to me with a name he seldom uses now (shortened form of his name). His actual name sounds formal and so it’s nicknames.

He only uses my name when we’re with others and we have loads of silly nicknames.

Would never call me ‘You’ though.

I’d start calling him mate.

Yes mate? Oi mate!

BTW most pet names are 🤮

The prime offenders are "babe" and the h word which I can't bring myself to type.

@Denisthepenis

BTW most pet names are 🤮

The prime offenders are "babe" and the h word which I can't bring myself to type.

Hagrid?

@Severntrent

Has he forgotten it and is too embarrassed to ask? This is the case for me and quite a few people.

I thought this was funny.

I generally refer to mine as "husband" to his face, as in "husband, please put the bins out", or "husband, do you fancy a takeaway?".

I sometimes address mine as "Man", I.e "Man, can you reach that jar on the top shelf?" , or "Man, where are you?". I dont suppose he thinks its as funny as I do, but I think its HILARIOUS!

DH and I never call each other by our names! If he did it during sex I would honestly die. It’s a perfectly lovely name and I easily use it when talking about him, just not to him. We use stupid made-up nicknames from when we were younger…

My mum used to sign birthday/xmas cards to my father from ‘Are You There?’ because that!s all he ever called her. They later divorced.

Perhaps he’s worried he’ll accidentally mix up your name with his mistresses’ name.

(I’m kidding. But this would annoy me too.)

Is he calling you ‘you’ directly to you though? Or just speaking to you normally? I think there’s a difference.

So is it ‘you! Come here a minute?’ Or ‘do you want to go to x?’

One is normal, the other is rude. It really depends how he’s saying it. If he is calling you ‘you’ instead of your name that’s beyond rude and weird.

@CustardySergeant

PMSL.

Well this has got me thinking. I use my husband’s name a lot but I genuinely can’t remember the last time he used mine! He even addresses cards to “wifey”.

But yes does your husband actually say “oi you” or does he just chat to you in ways that don’t require the use of your name?

My DP's name is one syllable (Mark) and I find the sound doesn't carry well so if shouting on him I tend to shout "hellooo!"

I don't say it during sex and neither does he - that would make me cringe myself inside out, to the pp who raised that point.

We use each other's names all the time. Can't imagine calling DH "you".

What I find odd is my SIL calls DB by both names - e.g. John Smith.

She's not English - is that usual in other cultures ?