AIBU Husband's No Name For Me

[bringmeanother]

Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed with my DH. He never uses my name and doesn't have a diminutive or lovey dovey name for me. He refers to me by "you". To his work colleagues by phone I'm " the wife". Married over 20 years.

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Men referring to their wives or partners “the wife” or the , “the missus”, especially to other men who don’t know their wives/ partners is really common, every man I know does this.

Not everyone has a pet name for their wives, but not to use your actual Name is odd.

Mewkins# this is very different from shorting a name , he just calls her 'you' or 'wife'. Very different.

OP this is awful, he won't acknowledge you to others or even himself by not saying your name.
How nasty, disrespectful and sad.
How hard is it to say someone's name ?
Does he say kind things to you about you ? About how he feels about you ? Does he show outward affection when with others like an arm round you, hold your hand etc ?

I feel there may be more to not saying your name. I feel this is deeper.

*shortening

Maybe he's forgotten it and is too ashamed to ask?

Is it possible he genuinely doesn't know your name, but he's known you for so long now that it is awkward to ask?

@FabulousMrFifty

Men referring to their wives or partners “the wife” or the , “the missus”, especially to other men who don’t know their wives/ partners is really common, every man I know does this.

Not everyone has a pet name for their wives, but not to use your actual Name is odd.

but women usually say 'my husband' or 'my fiance' not 'the husband/fiance'

If my DP was to say my name during sex it would stop immediately. I don't get why that would be sexy?

Seriously? I love that! I find it really connecting. I do say my partner's name during sex when he's got me really turned on.

I only heard my dad use my mum's name once, ever (he really hated her name, apparently). I was absolutely startled to hear him say it.

@ILoveShula

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Wear it on a lanyard, at all times. If you've been married 20 years, you must be "of a certain age"

@Funnylittlefloozie

I sometimes address mine as "Man", I.e "Man, can you reach that jar on the top shelf?" , or "Man, where are you?". I dont suppose he thinks its as funny as I do, but I think its HILARIOUS!

That reminds me of this skit from an old sketch show of questionable quality!

@WaterAndTheWild

I don't use people's names either - not sure why!

I CANNOT call my DH by his name but I do have lots of nicknames and I can use his first name with other people.

This!! I'm the same I can't bring myself to use my husband's name to him I call him a nickname if I'm calling for him. I've always been weird with names though I used to be too shy to call my Grandma, grandma as a child too. No idea why. I also use his name with other people but only the full version Eg David never Dave

I'm not sure I should be admitting this, but DH and I have invented mildly insulting nicknames for ourselves on the DDogs' behalf - i.e. the names we believe the dogs (and other pets) would call us, if they could talk. And we mainly call each others by those 😳

My DH never really says my name, it's actually quite jarring when he does. We have a million nicknames for each other so I don't mind.

I usually call him by a shortened form of his name or a nickname. If he gets the full name he’s rightly worried, if he gets first name, middle name and surname, his arse is parsley.

Sex is ‘specific for the occasion’ nicknames…

I would buy a dog whistle for when ever you want his attention.

I don't remember the last time either of us called each other by our names. Ds1 has the same name as my husband so only tend to call ds by his name so we don't get confused who is being spoken to. dd has the same name as me so dh don't call me by my name for the same reason I don't call him using his name.
We are ok not calling each other by our names but if you are not happy you need to say something about it.

@ILoveShula
It’s really common for men to use their partners as an excuse to get out of social events.

Q “Do you want to go down the pub after work”
A “Let me check with the wife “

Or
“ Sorry no, the missus won’t let me’

Yes, I suppose it might be. I find 'the wife' a bit demeaning

Can’t stand it when men say ‘the missus’ or ‘the wife’. Is it meant to be affectionate because it doesn’t sound it.
In contrast you get women calling their DH ‘hubby’ and ‘hubster’ which is just as awful in a different way.

I don’t know OP. Your relationship with your DH sounds strained. Maybe this is just the top of the iceberg 😕

@TacoTues

Sorry had to ask....

What about during sex?

Oh yeah you you you

‘Tip’ not ‘top’ !

Is your husband called Joe?

@TacoTues

Sorry had to ask....

What about during sex?

Trying to think of a scenario in which using the other person's name would happen during sex.

No, can't imagine.

Reading some of the other replies, I think I must be doing sex wrong.

I use my husband's name all the time, along with the usual pet names. like sweetheart.

He uses a shortened version of my name that no one else uses. I love that.