AIBU Husband's No Name For Me

[bringmeanother]

Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed with my DH. He never uses my name and doesn't have a diminutive or lovey dovey name for me. He refers to me by "you". To his work colleagues by phone I'm " the wife". Married over 20 years.

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@TacoTues

Sorry had to ask....

What about during sex?

If my DP was to say my name during sex it would stop immediately. I don't get why that would be sexy?

My husband calls me mummy which I have told him is weird!! He also never uses my name which annoys me. We've been married for nearly 10 years.

Dh & I rarely ever use each others names. We don't have cutsie names either. To get his attention I just start talking to him and the same for him. I might shout "I say!" [in a broad Yorkshire accent!) if he's in another room and he hasn't heard me.

Every so often I think about how weird it is that I rarely use people's names in conversation. Obviously if I'm getting their attention but if it's just me and DP in the kitchen, for example, I don't address him by name when it's obvious who I'm speaking to. Even in group conversations, if I'm addressing someone specific it's more natural to use body language/eye contact.

I can't believe anyone would call someone "you!" if they were trying to get their attention though. Surely not.

@bringmeanother
No you are not being unreasonable, my XH was the same, at his colleague's wedding, I was introduced to the bride & groom, stating their names, and he jerked his head towards me and said " this is the wife".
I replied, "Yes, that's what is on my birth certificate!"
Disrespectful, but he thought it was hilarious.

Horribly we've started calling each other mummy and daddy even when the children are not there. We frequently say this is cringe and we have to stop it but then just unconsciously fall back into it

Thanks everyone for your replies. DH also called another woman who he met since dating me his "soulmate" (before we married - in a letter he didn't send). Probably a sign we shouldn't have married!

My husband never uses my name. If he wants my attention he refers to me as 'mummy' or 'moomies'. Words cannot describe how irritating that is.

My OH (20+ years) never uses my name either, or a per name. nothing. I do think it's a bit odd, but it's what he's like. He doesn't call me 'the wife' or anything vaguely disrespectful either. just...nothing! He's very softly spoken though and would just come and find me in the house if he wants to talk to me. He does use my name when talking to others.

I rarely use names in conversation, unless I’m referring to someone who isn’t there or am making introductions. I find it uncomfortable to do so. My DH is the same so it’s not an issue for us, you clearly feel it’s an issue so you need to tell him this.

I'd call him WE

So what does he call you when he wants you attention.

I can't believe he just shouts 'You!'

But I guess it's not really about this and you are blowing f this our of proportion because you are simply realising you shouldn't have chosen to marry him

My friend refers to her mum and dad as parents.
Not my parents.
‘I’m going to parents for xmas’
‘Parents are busy this weekend’

It’s just weird

I hate hearing people say my name and I hate telling people my name. It makes me feel all weird and invaded and it's not because I don't like the name, my name is fine. I feel similar referring to people by their names and try to avoid it whenever possible (except for my own children where it's not a problem. I don't like saying their names to other people though). I have no idea why is an issue, and I obviously have to just do it anyway at times where a name is essential, but it makes gives me a sweaty, churny uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach. Maybe your husband is similar so got into the habit of not using your name?

Just call him Horse

Oh no, just seen your latest post. That's sad about the soulmate letter .

My husband has only called me by my name about 5 times in 20 years. I used to wonder why but it's just who he is. I usually use "honey" or his actual name if I want to get attention, no problem with using those - but he too does seem to have an issue about names. I am not mum so he can't call me mum but yet I am a woman so... need to be addressed somehow... just appearing and saying stuff quickly seems to suit him without any preamble with a monicker. If he uses my name, then I know it's serious! I don't think it means he loves me any less, just feels a bit freaked using my name.

Yes it is weird, looking at what I just typed... but he's a very OK dude just a little - like yours OP?

@Georgyporky

What I find odd is my SIL calls DB by both names - e.g. John Smith.

She's not English - is that usual in other cultures ?

Is he an energy vampire?

All joking aside - have you used your words? 'Husband, when you call me You or the wife I don't feel as if you have any affection or respect for me - what's going on with that?'

It could be worse.

My dad used to called my mum "Mother". He'd call her (up the stairs or whatever) "Mother, dinner's ready" or "Mother, there's someone at the door for you!"

She HATED it!

I would start to call him knob, dick head or dick splash until he calls me by my name.

@Funnylittlefloozie

I sometimes address mine as "Man", I.e "Man, can you reach that jar on the top shelf?" , or "Man, where are you?". I dont suppose he thinks its as funny as I do, but I think its HILARIOUS!

Hehehehe same here ;) He responds by calling me 'woman' and follows me around saying 'woman moment' when i do anything remotely womanly like tuck my hair behind my ears

I had a friend at uni who couldn't say his own name. We used to cover for him when anyone asked him his name, in a kind of jokey "Oh, have you not met Phil yet?" or "You've not heard of Phil Jones* yet - he's a legend!"
*not his real name

Probably a bad idea, but we were young and just wanted to save his agony.

This thread has made me realise how many different things DH and I call each other

Generally I use his surname, my pet name for him or various other terms of endearment. If I am 'telling him off' in a jokey way he gets his full first name. If I am actually annoyed the short version of his first name as it is one syllable and I can get lot of feeling into one syllable . If I am talking about him then again either his surname, short first name (with the qualifier of 'my husband' if talking to someone who doesn't know him).

He calls me a mix of my first name, various terms of endearment and sometimes my surname. When I hear him on work calls chatting I am 'my wife' but to everyone else he would use my first name.

I have never given it much thought before OP but YANBU I would find it very disrespectful to be 'the wife' and 'you' is just outright rude!

I'm guilty of rarely calling anyone by their actual name. Boyfriend is called various annoying versions of his name. I did once have a boyfriend with an awful name that we both hated. I couldn't even muster up a nickname from it.