Does MIL have the right to veto baby name?

[Justheretoaskaquestion91]

Context:

Relationship with MIL is at an all time high snd we get on well/she’s good with children but there’s a backstory of her missing our wedding on the day as she didn’t approve of me/not speaking to us for months on end over small things and being generally v difficult.

Here’s the issue:
I’m pregnant with #3. Have used all the baby names we like up for boys on the first 2 (typically 😬). There is one name I absolutely adore but it’s the name of DH’s uncle. MIL does not speak to her brother (or any of that side of the family) and has said we can’t use it as it would make her uncomfortable. There’s is another name with the same nickname we can use but it’s nowhere near as nice. To be clear; her brother has not done anything wrong/I’ve met him he’s a nice man. And the family haven’t done anything “wrong” it’s very much a tit for tat situation and a mixture of difficult characters and no one willing to move forward.

DH says he’s not willing to go to the bat on this, but I’m in 2 minds. I don’t want to be a dick snd I don’t want to wage some sort of war over this but equally I feel a bit pissed off as the baby will be known by a nickname anyway this is just for a beautiful formal name, and does she really have the right to do this?! I wouldn’t mind as much if she had always been loving and supportive or even would appreciate what I feel is a bit of a sacrifice but she hasn’t and she won’t!

Would love everyone’s thoughts please and I’m sorry for the length of this post/don’t know what’s reasonable anymore!

You could shorten Caleb to Cal?

The other option is Roman…

I’ve asked how come Rafe as a nickname would be fine if his uncle was Rafe and he can’t explain that except for some nonsense about how it would have been spelt “Raph”?!

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

The other option is Roman…

I’ve asked how come Rafe as a nickname would be fine if his uncle was Rafe and he can’t explain that except for some nonsense about how it would have been spelt “Raph”?!

He's just being a tit. Sorry, I know he's your husband, but he is.

I do like Roman though.

Re Caleb/sweet names, it might be that you'd just come up with a nickname spontaneously anyway that's not necessarily anything to do with his real name. When my cousins and I were kids my uncle used to call my cousin Vicki 'Trudy' or 'Trude'. Not her middle name, no family associations, just something that came to him and it stuck.
One can get too hung up on things like that IMO.

Ohh like Roman as well!

Maybe helps that I know a gorgeous one so positive associations!

Reuben?

She has no such right. Ignore the silly woman.

Tell DH, he should be ashamed to aid and abet his mother in yet another of her vindictive family vendettas. He should have put his foot down hard years ago instead of letting her hurt you.

So you're taking charge of your child's name .

Make sure you're the one who goes to register the birth in the name you prefer.

Re-using loved names down and across generations of the family is a very old and strong tradition in Britain. It's about honour, affection, belonging; and uniting families joined by marriage.

One of my sons is named after my uncle, who was named after my grandfather . So is one of my cousins .

One of my other sons is named after his great grandfather

My grandson is named after his greatgrandfather ( my FIL)

My husbands middle name is his grandmother's maiden name

My grand-daughter is named after her other granny

I'm named after my aunt (mother's favourite sister). One of my cousins got our name as her middle name.

The uncle Raphael is named after his great grandfather

I’m becoming disgruntled with your dh in your behalf 😆
As far as I’m concerned, when pregnant:just after having baby, the partner should give the poor mother whatever she wants. She’s the queen in this scenario.
Time for your dh to cut the purse strings as they say!

Ok have settled on another name but Raphael will be middle name!!!!!!!!

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

Ok have settled on another name but Raphael will be middle name!!!!!!!!

Are we allowed to know?!

I think you should go with what you want (and get DH onboard, obvs), sod MIL.

@Justheretoaskaquestion91
Would the baby have the same first and last name as he uncle? If you both like the name then it's your choice ultimately!

I would be so annoyed if my MIL tried to interfere with the name we chose. Both my PIL keep trying to give my kids new nicknames which really annoys me. They also started to call my DD after MIL's dead mother. That was quickly nipped in the bud.

Please don’t tell your MIL the name just in case she’s knew a friend of a friends uncles hamster with that name and also stopped talking to them

It is perfectly reasonable for your husband not to want to make his mother unhappy every time she sees your child. There's a difference between "she'll always get mad over something" and doing something that is truly offensive--as is naming your child, her grandchild, after someone she considers a foe. You know she would be hurt by it, and if you do it anyway, it doesn't speak well of you. In fact, it makes me wonder if there isn't more to the story to why she didn't show up to your wedding than meets the eye.

@PrincessNutella

There’s really not more to it 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Namechangetimes100

😆😆😆😆

Did Uncle Raphael go to your wedding Op?

@diddl

We didn’t invite him, or any of that side of the family, ironically to please DH’s mother who said she was coming (after months and months of being a total nightmare) but no-showed.

We didn’t invite him, or any of that side of the family, ironically to please DH’s mother who said she was coming (after months and months of being a total nightmare) but no-showed.

Wow. Yea. Your mother was right. Name the child what you choose and I’d be pointing this out to your DH and asking him where does it end and how much of it are you going to have to bite the bullet for? What line does she have to cross before he takes her poor behaviour into consideration and how it effects you and eventually your children if it hasn’t already.

Missing the point but love Caleb. Friend calls her wee boy Eb as his baby nick name

Who thought if the new name out of interest? Was it DH or you?

Your MIL's preferences can reasonably be ignored but not those of your DH.

I would use another name. And not mention it before baby is born.

Good luck in the future OP tiptoeing around your MiL for the rest of your life, as you have done so far

How your DH could have forgiven her for the way she treated you over the wedding is astonishing and hugely disrespectful to you. It's not surprising he has suddenly decided he 'doesn't like the name' after she has told him that you're not allowed to use it. He does her bidding and always will.

I'm sure she will find something to flounce off about in the future though, people who love drama always do.

I'm with your mother on this one, it must be very difficult for her watching you being treated this way by DH and MIL

We had something a little similar -- but difference is my MIL has been consistently involved in DC's lives and DH is close to her, they talk on phone a few times/week. It was a small thing not to choose one of the names that could actively upset her.

Sounds like you have a solution which is good thing.