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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that schools do too many "pay a pound to..." days?

302 replies

NewSwimmingMum · 18/11/2021 07:09

It isn't an issue for us to pay £1 here and there for mufti, odd socks, Christmas jumper etc, although remembering is a different matter!

Am I wrong to think it might add unnecessary pressure to families who are struggling? There will have been 2 in October, 2 in November and then at least 1 in December.

I guess one good thing is that it is a little more anonymous now school asks us to donate via the online payment system-at least a parent can imply to child they have paid. But not sure they should have to.

OP posts:
INeedtobealone · 18/11/2021 07:33

DS school in the last couple of weeks have done:

-non uniform with a donation of toys/games for Christmas fair
-non uniform with a donation of chocolate for tombola for Christmas fair

  • decorate and fill a jam jar for the Christmas fair
  • selling Children in Need merchandise
  • selling poppies - minimum donation of 50p
  • day where they can dress in Children in Need merchandise- £1
  • they've also done selling Christmas cards/bags/tags/tea towels the kids have designed where cheapest thing is a pack of cards for £5.
  • school photos are next week too.

I know none of this is compulsory, and for charity and PTA, and we can afford it all but it does feel like a lot and we only have one child.

Whinge · 18/11/2021 07:34

I think schools are always going to upset someone, no matter how they approach it.

If they limit the dress up and Mufti days they get complaints that other schools are doing it, and why can't they.

If they have a 1 - 2 each term they get parents who can't afford it, or don't want to pay.

MrsHookey · 18/11/2021 07:36

I agree. It's an absolute pain too to "wear yellow for xyz". I'm fed up having to produce pound coins. It's even the mental load and having to get a pound being a nuisance when I'm a single parent and cannot nip out to shop etc. If the staff feel so caring about their causes, they should have a whip round themselves.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 18/11/2021 07:36

When we moved into our trust lots of that was stopped, no mufti. Only allowed poppy collection, Macmillan coffee morning, and Christmas jumper day and the collection side of that is very low key.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 18/11/2021 07:39

Needtobealone the school is not doing what Poppy collection expects then, for the paper ones it has always been whatever you want to give.

mumofpickles · 18/11/2021 07:41

It's now a £2 requested donation at our primary school we have 5 before Christmas and I have 2 I object to this and the kids are made to feel awkward if they don't have the donation.

MrsHookey · 18/11/2021 07:42

I did point this out already on the PTA that many families will have multiple kids and the principal just dismissed this.

I pay taxes, I support charities quite significantly on an adhoc basis and would prefer to pay for social things through taxes anyway. I don't want pressurised into supporting charities.

RaptorOnATractor · 18/11/2021 07:48

It isn't so much the £1 that bothers me... But the constant themes for non uniform days. We've got 3 of these coming up this term (and that's before nativity costumes), and the pressure to find things that match the brief without having to buy new is ridiculous. And costs way more!

onemouseplace · 18/11/2021 07:48

We’ve had two this week alone (anti bullying week and CiN. Plus dress up day have gone to 6 a year for curriculum launch days plus all the additional ones. I’m totally fucking over it.

I much prefer DD’s secondary model where each house chooses a charity they would like to support and raises for that over the year.

Gettingthereslowly2020 · 18/11/2021 07:48

Yes, so many "give us a pound" charity days, on top of the usual requesting donations of alcohol, chocolate, cosmetics, etc for the summer/Christmas fairs and of course buying raffle tickets throughout the year, and extra non-uniform days to fundraise for the school. They have discos at school throughout the year and you have to pay £5 per ticket for each child and then for the adults too, plus spend money on a drink, sweets and all the tat they sell. Of course, there are also school trips to pay for around once a term.

Yesterday I spent £8 for one child which I'm fine to do but I do worry about people on the breadline where that £8 would be needed to buy food. It must also be difficult for people who are just managing but have two or three children.

qualitygirl · 18/11/2021 07:48

My DC's school do not ask for donations for dress up days. Their aim is to raise awareness. So far this year my dc have brought nothing into school!

Covidworries · 18/11/2021 07:50

I know of one school where this is a huge issue. Alot of the parents are quite wealthy too and so there is huge pressure to have new outfits for each dress up day.

Our school isnt like this luckily. We have a dress up day this week but it is a suggested volentary donation of pound per family but there is no pressure to donate. I also know that teachers have dress up outfits available for children who havent come dressed up should they want to join in.

Bunnycat101 · 18/11/2021 07:50

Our school doesn’t do so many of the £1 charity things but our pta goes a bit mad especially around Christmas. We’ve had 3 raffle item requests, teacher presents, tea towels, Christmas cards, raffle tickets, cake sale, event fees etc. reckon it’ll be about £60 once I’m done.

Idolovetrees · 18/11/2021 07:50

I personally think they ask for far too much. I'm lucky I'm in a position to be able to afford it but I often think of those who wouldn't be able to and I know my own parents would have struggled when I was a child.

CherryHug · 18/11/2021 07:50

I'll let you in on a secret, you can just send them in in their own clothes sans the £1. No one says anything. I haven't and will not pay for my children to wear their own sodding clothes. I will make my own donation to whatever charity it is should I happen to have spare funds available.

No one arrests you, they don't actually care.

AuntieStella · 18/11/2021 07:51

If the staff feel so caring about their causes

At ours, the causes are decided by the Pupil Parliament. OK I think the staff help a bit, but the general area to support is decided by the DC.

Perhaps that's another change to suggest (as well as reducing frequency) because it might improve pupil understanding of the cause when it is something that comes from their peers?

ColinTheKoala · 18/11/2021 07:52

My son's school used to do quite a few of these and I think must have received feedback that it was too many as they reduced it to one a year and one other charity day - usually one in the Christmas term and one in the summer.

4amstarts · 18/11/2021 07:53

I don't mind paying but who has pound coins lying around these days? Post covid I can't remember the last time I paid in cash for anything - every time we get a notice from the school I have to scrat around looking for loose change

GrandmasCat · 18/11/2021 07:54

@qualitygirl

My DC's school do not ask for donations for dress up days. Their aim is to raise awareness. So far this year my dc have brought nothing into school!
That sounds fine, for those parents who have the money or the time to sort costumes all the time.

As a single mother working three jobs I could spit on the teacher every time I got another dress up day notification, it was not only that it was difficult to keep up with costs but with so many hours at work I would have needed to ask for time off work to go an buy materials, etc. With so little money and little down time it was difficult not to send DS with the worst costume of the class.

There are far better ways to raise awareness than dressing kids up.

TheReluctantPhoenix · 18/11/2021 07:55

It’s not a lot for people who can afford it, and totally voluntary. If you are struggling, don’t pay it!

Making a small charitable contribution will both benefit the truly needy and enhance the school community.

BlusteryLake · 18/11/2021 07:57

Whatever schools do, someone moans about it. I would say it probably depends on the demographic of the school as to the number of these things that are undertaken.

ChimChimeny · 18/11/2021 07:57

We usually only have 2 (comic relief and CIN) but when there is dressing for world book day etc as well it can add up if people buy specific tops/socks/head band/whatever. It annoys me because I doubt much of the money actually goes to a good cause with these big charities like a PP said.

I do love harvest festival though because we donate food which goes to a local homeless charity so directly to the people in need

PingedPotato · 18/11/2021 08:01

@4amstarts

I don't mind paying but who has pound coins lying around these days? Post covid I can't remember the last time I paid in cash for anything - every time we get a notice from the school I have to scrat around looking for loose change
I have one for the trolley. Can't really donate that.
Calee03 · 18/11/2021 08:01

My kids school have slowed down on it since covid. I think they realise a lot of people don't have much spare! But it was never compulsory there anyway. They are still doing children in need tomorrow! They did a harvest festival but that's easy as most people have a spare tin in their cupboard.

They also used to do a lot of themed days but they've slowed that down too. I think they realised people were paying out for multiple costumes each year - if you are like me and aren't very creative with making them 😅

Whinge · 18/11/2021 08:03

As a single mother working three jobs I could spit on the teacher every time I got another dress up day notification, it was not only that it was difficult to keep up with costs but with so many hours at work I would have needed to ask for time off work to go an buy materials, etc. With so little money and little down time it was difficult not to send DS with the worst costume of the class.

This is what I mean when schools will always upset someone. Although spitting on the teacher is unkind, as they usually have no say in any of the dress up days.

A dress up day doesn't mean you need to go any buy materials and make a costume. There are always people looking to get rid of outfits, so a request on FB marketplace / freecycle / local community groups usually has several offers of help. Or if that's not possible, talk to the school. We have spare costumes / christmas jumpers, CIN T shirts that we would be happy to pass on.

If we stopped dress up and mufti days we'd also get complaints.