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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husbands sisters got her son to ask for a tablet

236 replies

faithfulbird20 · 17/11/2021 17:10

Like as though we're made out of money. Cos he's the uncle he'll get it. Our own kids don't have a tablet (no iPad or anything) both kids are aged 4 (her and mine)...I'm just so annoyed like AIBU? We're trying to save money. He works and I'm a stahm (baby is 8 months). I don't buy extravagant things...buy things dead cheap so that we can save for a deposit faster...whereas SIL spends her husbands cash here there and everywhere. Why can't they get their kid a tablet themselves?

OP posts:
Sugarcake · 17/11/2021 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
faithfulbird20 · 17/11/2021 21:27

@SheldonesqueTheBstard thank you.

@converseandjeans yeah mummy dearest paid for SILs wedding. My husband had to pay for other stuff when he was single.

OP posts:
Nasturs · 17/11/2021 21:52

Cos he's the uncle he'll get it

Confused Someone needs to explain to your husband that’s not how it works.

IncyWinceySpiderWillies · 17/11/2021 22:04

Don’t buy it. Move on.

Gilly12345 · 17/11/2021 22:09

Just explain to Nephew that his parents buy the expensive presents and as you are Aunt/Uncle you buy a small present as you have your own Children to buy for.

DameMaureen · 17/11/2021 22:13

[quote faithfulbird20]@SheldonesqueTheBstard thank you.

@converseandjeans yeah mummy dearest paid for SILs wedding. My husband had to pay for other stuff when he was single.

[/quote]
Your head is too occupied with all this shit going on in the rest of the family eg BIL getting one over on you blah blah . Be more distant and lead your own life .

KerryWeaver · 17/11/2021 22:47

Your husband's sister and her son are not the problem here. All your husband has to do is to say no. Issue sorted.

The problem here is your husband. It does not sound like his wife and children are his priority.

user698312578 · 17/11/2021 22:48

If you can’t afford it surely you won’t buy it though, just don’t give it

Maybe83 · 17/11/2021 23:00

In my family we would buy a gift like this for nieces or nephews. In Dh family it wouldn't be the norm.

It was however up to your dh to speak to them about it. If my dh took it upon himself to send a message into my family group chat I would hit the roof. We have a rule we deal with our own families.

JudgeJ · 17/11/2021 23:10

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

SIL spends her husbands cash here there and everywhere If they are married then its family cash.

Just say no.

Of course if the wife has a 'little running away fund' that isn't considered to be family money, according to the MN mantra.
Catrin70 · 17/11/2021 23:17

That is totally unfair and I think you should make it known that you are unable to afford this at the present time,

nancybotwinbloom · 17/11/2021 23:33

That's like a main present!

50ShadesOfCatholic · 17/11/2021 23:37

Bad move to say something on the WhatsApp. And bad move of your husband to agree to spending family money without discussing with you. But it's your husband who has to deal with this.

The poor 4yo won't have a clue about cost or doing the right thing, they just want an ipad.

Original poster
faithfulbird20 · 18/11/2021 03:40

@damemaureen I try to but husband talks about them everyday!

OP posts:
Original poster
faithfulbird20 · 18/11/2021 03:47

@50ShadesOfCatholic I normally wouldn't but they take the piss so it was out of sheer frustration! 4 year old has his dads laptop and parents mobile phones constantly throughout the day and he watches action movies at his age. He's hyper and doesn't take no for an answer!

OP posts:
Original poster
faithfulbird20 · 18/11/2021 03:49

@Catrin70 thank you. I did. Honestly hate that people feel entitled to stuff. I need to break that habit. My kids wouldn't dream of asking anyone let alone my siblings for anything!

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Original poster
faithfulbird20 · 18/11/2021 03:50

@Maybe83 that's the difference. YOU would buy it. We would too, had we the money and if WE decided to get it. But in this case they're DEMANDING it.

OP posts:
Original poster
faithfulbird20 · 18/11/2021 03:52

@WeAllHaveWings it's with them too. Constantly demanding things is not good. They need to be called up on their shit. Elder brothers in laws wife told me they've seen the same with kid and his parents. Yet when I have the balls to say anything he thinks I'm a problem. I wouldn't normally say anything but at this point it was necessary!

OP posts:
50ShadesOfCatholic · 18/11/2021 04:40

[quote faithfulbird20]@50ShadesOfCatholic I normally wouldn't but they take the piss so it was out of sheer frustration! 4 year old has his dads laptop and parents mobile phones constantly throughout the day and he watches action movies at his age. He's hyper and doesn't take no for an answer! [/quote]
That happens, we've all done stuff out of frustration.

Back off for a bit and let your partner deal with this, otherwise you're just going to keep feeling awful.

Original poster
faithfulbird20 · 18/11/2021 05:44

@50ShadesOfCatholic thank you will do!

OP posts:
WeAllHaveWings · 18/11/2021 07:44

[quote faithfulbird20]@WeAllHaveWings it's with them too. Constantly demanding things is not good. They need to be called up on their shit. Elder brothers in laws wife told me they've seen the same with kid and his parents. Yet when I have the balls to say anything he thinks I'm a problem. I wouldn't normally say anything but at this point it was necessary![/quote]
It is only "with them" because your dh is encouraging it. If he simply and consistently said no then you wouldnt have any problems.

You need to deal with your dh problem as if he is an adult. Putting it on the WhatsApp is openly treating him like a disobient child.

Bananarama21 · 18/11/2021 07:54

I'm wondering in what context it was said where you present at the conversation? They could have mentioned needing a tablet and your dh offered to get on from christmas and now your seen as the bad guy for saying no? It seems some details might be missing.

BoredZelda · 18/11/2021 10:56

I cried my eyes out all last night thinking I was bad or something.

A rather extreme response.

Feedingthebirds1 · 18/11/2021 12:14

@faithfulbird20

Mine was an absolute twat that said it's okay to spend on your family (adults dining out going halves on meals) whereas we can't do spend on mine. His parents get regular allowance throughout the year.

Wtf. I wish God parted the clouds and shat on him.

This is starting to sound nasty. He can throw money at his birth family, but you can't do the same for yours - your birth family or your DCs.

There are always threads on MN about DHs who are totally enmeshed with their mothers, this sounds like he's in thrall to the lot of them. You say you're a SAHM, he works. Does he take the view that he earns it so it's his money to do what he likes with? What's he like with money generally?

taylorwilde · 18/11/2021 13:33

I do think it's poor manners to ask for gifts from aunties/ uncles, let alone demand. I grew up with a "you get what you're given and always show gratitude" approach and I'll be the same with my daughter as she grows older.

What sort of gifts do they buy your DC?

I think what I would do in this situation is buy them a second hand, older model for £150. Alternatively ask for an expensive gift for your child.