AIBU to remove DD from this childminder?

[Grabmygran]

DD is 14 months old. She gets all excited about fruit and yoghurt so I really don’t see any need to give her anything else sugary. I have told childminder this and she has continued to give her sweet things - e.g a donut, a lemon curd sandwich, a chocolate biscuit. There is always a reason such as ‘oh I didn’t think you’d mind as it was X’s birthday and all the other kids had one’. Every time I have repeated that she isn’t to have anything like that. It’s more the not listening to me that worries me than what she’s eaten. I’m well aware a bit of chocolate won’t harm her but she doesn’t need it! On her birthday she happily munched on some raspberries while the rest of us had her cake. I’ve sorted out a new childminder and she won’t be going back but have I overreacted?! Should I tell her why I have removed DD?

Well this has got out of hand.
Yep tell the childminder, shes ignored your wishes and is unprofessional for doing so.
I don't really mind or give much thought etheir way if your baby had cake or fruit. All I read is that she was loved enough to have people sat around with her,celebrating her birthday xx

Coyoacan raspberries are not a treat for everyone. Personally I can't stand them.

@RaimbowMama

Well this has got out of hand. Yep tell the childminder, shes ignored your wishes and is unprofessional for doing so. I don't really mind or give much thought etheir way if your baby had cake or fruit. All I read is that she was loved enough to have people sat around with her,celebrating her birthday xx

This has made me smile. It really was all that mattered- she’s got a lot of people who love her and it was nice to have them all together laughing and chatting.

It wasn’t even a decision I had even really thought about. I just finished cutting the cake up and looked over to see her with her raspberries laughing with my mum and I just thought ‘oh she’s happy, no point in giving her anything else now’.

@sageandbasil

Absolutely tell her. I'd be furious!!!

Calm down!

Maybe we should do some research on the correlation between not eating cake on 1st birthday and limiting sugar intake resulting in using/dealing drugs in later life?
(Joke)

I am traumatised by not having been given a piece of birthday cake on my 1st birthday. I am thin and weedy.

I am drinking myself to sleep every night because I have the imprint of my relative stuffing themselves with MY first birthday cake, while I was rotting my baby teeth on some unsweetened raspberries etched onto my retinas. Day and night I am tormented by this image

Had it not been for my childminder force feeding me doughnut pieces, lemon curd sandwiches and chocolate biscuits, I'd be having meltdowns every time I went into a sweetshop, and would now be a drug addict

@FayCarew a drug dealer, surely?

@Shewholovedthethebanhills I think you need to read some of the ridiculous comments upthread to get the references. PP is being sarcastic

I think you did the right thing. She should respect your choices for your child.

@Shewholovedthethebanhills, yes, that too.

@BlusteringBoobies exactly - didn’t the poster claiming to have been a nanny for the weedy children say one of them was a drug dealer? I think FayCarew was underestimating the consequences of her early trauma. Deadpan is so hard to read on an internet forum.

Childminder here. I always ask parents of new children if they mind if their little ones have a small amount of birthday cake etc occasionally as most of the children will bring some in on their birthday. They generally say its fine, however if a parent says no, then that's fine and they're given an alternative. However......a small amount in moderation is fine- a 14 month old would only be given a tiny piece just so they can feel included.
I once looked after a little girl who wasn't allowed any sweet stuff whatsoever- Dad was overweight and they didn't want her being overweight....Dad was overweight because he chomped on burgers, not a tiny slice of cake.....
Anyway, as she got older, the girl noticed that she wasn't allowed any of the other stuff that the others had occasionally- birthday cake....the odd iced biscuit ( if we did baking, she wasn't allowed to eat the cooked item) etc and she started to hide stuff from her parents. Her parents would hover around her at birthday parties to make sure she didn't have anything sweet to eat. Fast forward 20 years and she has a terrible relationship with food,and is very unhappy because of it.
In the event of another child's birthday, I would allow her a small piece of cake- she will soon notice that she's being treated differently if not. If you're otherwise happy with your childminder then have a little chat when about it.
Eating your child's cake without them having any is just odd.....

I mean, obviously you are the parent so YANBU to choose who you want to care ror your child. But I do think you are setting her up for problems by insisting on making her the odd one out. Anecdotally, the children I have known whose parents are very strict over sugar, tend to become completely sugar mad when at other people's houses, birthdays etc. No restraint whatsoever.

The thing that leaps out at me is not the birthday cake issue, but the child minder offering sweet sandwiches, chocolate biscuits etc as routine. I did not use a child minder (nursery from one year old) but in my job we use approved childminders for very young children not eligible nursery provision who need childcare outside the home for whatever reason. All have to be rated good by Ofsted, most are outstanding. Not one would consider a jam/curd sandwhich as an acceptable meal or routinely offer biscuits and high sugar food unless as a particular treat because of birthdays or xmas. Most use meal times to work with very young children to understand the concept of different foods, understanding where food comes from and healthy eating.

Can't believe the outrage over a bit of cake. Raspberries would have been a real treat for me as a child. Far more than a piece of sickly sugary gack. I still think that cos my world was not built on sugar alone.

@PurpleTrilby

Can't believe the outrage over a bit of cake. Raspberries would have been a real treat for me as a child. Far more than a piece of sickly sugary gack. I still think that cos my world was not built on sugar alone.

Yet another poster who is doing this same weird thing. You know you don’t need to try and make cake sound disgusting to validate op’s points. Raspberries are nice. So is cake. Presumably if it was sickly sugary gack the rest of the family wouldn’t have eaten it.

Far more than a piece of sickly sugary gack.

The lack of appreciation of good cake on this thread is shocking

So why is it ok for you to have cake and not her ? Why buy a cake in the first place

@Thehop but if the parent asks you to give coco pops why wouldn't you? Its the parents choice, if you agree in this case the childminder shouldn't as parents choice then works both ways and isn't your decision on wether someone else gives their child sugar
Do you not eat any sugary things at app either ?

Mine had sweet things from a young age , yet neither like cake or very sweet things

I haven’t yet introduced to cakes/sweets etc

Apart from when you introduced her to her own birthday cake then ate it in front of her…

@Shewholovedthethebanhills haha. You're right, add to that sleep deprivation and fussy toddler and I'm clearly missing the mark myself! Whoops!

In our society we have an unhealthy attitude that sweet things are a reward ie birthday cake, Halloween sweets, Easter eggs. And that vegetables and healthy foods are to be endured. I completely agree that trying to raise children not to partake in this bizarre concept that we reward ourselves be being unhealthy and damaging our bodies and teeth. But regardless of personal opinion the childminder is a professional and should behave accordingly if a parent requests something and the childminder is able to do it they absolutely should. I would also arrange new childcare.

@girlmom21

On her birthday she happily munched on some raspberries while the rest of us had her cake

This is nasty. My DD loves fruit too but if we weren't intending on letting her eat her birthday cake we just wouldn't buy a cake.

Is the childminder a good childminder?
If DD's happy and the food is the only issue I wouldn't move her.

I'll admit that's partly because I think you've got some weird issue about intentionally leaving your daughter out. The occasional biscuit on her friends birthday won't hurt her and it's mean to give everyone else something and not your child, when there's no actual reason for her to miss out.

Oh come on, nasty? You know nothing about the child, she may very well be just as happy eating raspberries as she would cake. In fact, the OP has said she is. Nasty would be saying no if she was reaching out and crying for the cake and being denied it. Not this.

[quote worriedatthemoment]@Thehop but if the parent asks you to give coco pops why wouldn't you? Its the parents choice, if you agree in this case the childminder shouldn't as parents choice then works both ways and isn't your decision on wether someone else gives their child sugar
Do you not eat any sugary things at app either ? [/quote]
Because a childminders is a professional setting and they have a duty to promote healthy eating to children and parents. In the same way schools have requirements regarding what a packed lunch should look like. Obviously there may be exceptions children with sensory issues or food phobias for example but as a rule healthy meals should be provided.