AIBU to remove DD from this childminder?

[Grabmygran]

DD is 14 months old. She gets all excited about fruit and yoghurt so I really don’t see any need to give her anything else sugary. I have told childminder this and she has continued to give her sweet things - e.g a donut, a lemon curd sandwich, a chocolate biscuit. There is always a reason such as ‘oh I didn’t think you’d mind as it was X’s birthday and all the other kids had one’. Every time I have repeated that she isn’t to have anything like that. It’s more the not listening to me that worries me than what she’s eaten. I’m well aware a bit of chocolate won’t harm her but she doesn’t need it! On her birthday she happily munched on some raspberries while the rest of us had her cake. I’ve sorted out a new childminder and she won’t be going back but have I overreacted?! Should I tell her why I have removed DD?

Okay prawns are genuinely high in salt but I really was just throwing it in for the ensuing comedy.

I agree with you OP. Childminder is not giving the care you require.

I agree with the sugar restrictions as well.

@Shewholovedthethebanhills

Okay prawns are genuinely high in salt but I really was just throwing it in for the ensuing comedy.

Shame nobody’s bitten… but I really did learn something new so thank you!

I was ready to agree with you till I read; you gave your daughter raspberries and then ate her birthday cake for her?! Who does that?! How can you as a parent do that?! Completely baffled! Your allowed cake but she isn't? If I was present at your DD's birthday party and saw you doing this; I'd be incredulous! Why did you even get her a cake?

I would feel the same your wishes are not being followed as the mother is very disrespectful. I would move my Dc too if this continued after having told her more then once

You’re exactly right. I’m a childminder and would never give kids that age chocolate etc. Now my own did have a little and I do believe that everything in moderation is fine, but why would you ever give chocolate/biscuits to a child who is as happy to eat fruit?

@MummyMayo1988

I was ready to agree with you till I read; you gave your daughter raspberries and then ate her birthday cake for her?! Who does that?! How can you as a parent do that?! Completely baffled! Your allowed cake but she isn't? If I was present at your DD's birthday party and saw you doing this; I'd be incredulous! Why did you even get her a cake?

The baby doesn't care, she was 1 ffs. I presume op is trying to stop dd having crap for as long as possible. You could say why do people have birthday parties for one year olds!

This whole thread is bizarre. I get why the OP annoyed (up to a point). Baby eating raspberries instead of cake is not an issue so I can only think that everyone piling in on this are just copying pps like sheep (I remember my twins’ 1st bday they were far more interested in the wrapping paper than the presents - babies just don’t care about things like birthday cake). BUT surely the most important thing regarding childminder is that baby is happy as this is not a given. OP I would test out the new childminder before you sound off as you might have to go back to her with tail between your legs if your baby screams blue murder at being left at the new place! You’ll be wishing you hadn’t cared so much about lemon curd sarnies (which are disgusting I agree).

Please tell her

Why this thread has it all.

Changing childminder is very sensible if she is ignoring your instructions.

Not letting your 14 month old eat sugar yet is understandable, stricter than I would be but not unheard of.

Buying a birthday cake for a child that isn't allowed cake and then letting everyone apart from her eat it right in front of her is batshit

My little boy (4 now) still doesn’t really like cake - he is welcome to have it but would choose fruit over birthday cake any day. We do still get him a cake as he loves having one and seeing the design and having candles etc but nit bothered for eating it si maybe its not that she isn’t allowed the cake its that she chose raspberries instead!

On the childminder front yes definitely change, the CM should respect your wishes.

@Shewholovedthethebanhills

Children don’t know cake is desirable until they’ve had it! Mine were never interested until they’d had it quite a few times and definitely not at 14 months. They’re now much older and still don’t like very sugary food. I never banned it but they never developed an early taste for it so they’ll have a few bites of something very sweet but then leave it. I’d ditch her based on ignoring your requests anyway.

My youngest did. He was not happy at having to wait while we sung happy birthday and 'helped' him blow his candles out on his first birthday. He was screaming and trying to grab the cake. He loves food.

Now I'm genuinely worried. I did not give my DCs cake on their first birthdays and they only had sweets in moderation. When does the drug dealing start? They are 19,16, and 12. Is the oldest on the cusp of his first deal or is he past the danger age?

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

On her birthday she happily munched on some raspberries while the rest of us had her cake You didnt even give her a bite of her own birthday cake alongside her strawberries?

Why do you get to eat her cake but she doesn't? Practice what you preach comes to mind.

YANBU regarding childminder but you sound mean to not letting her try some of her own birthday cake. Birthdays are once a year! 🤷‍♀️

I hope you had a glass of champagne at her first birthday party and offered her some because she could SEE you were drinking it and wanted it. I bet she loved the long stem glasses and wanted one for herself.
If not your are probably setting her up for alcoholism in later life…………

This thread is batshit. I did exactly the same as you and my kids have one day of the week which is a “treat” day. They dont binge at parties (where they can graze freely) and will often save treats from Christmas/ birthdays or party bags🤷‍♀️ They often choose crisps as their treat over sugary junk.

Introducing a child to a proven addicted substance that is not good for them is surely the poorer choice imo?

It was OP’s ‘gave-birth-day’ she can eat some cake how is this still a thing?!

YABU to expect a childminder not to hand round whatever the other toddlers are having to your DD. If it was just occasional and not everyday and the care was otherwise good and your child is happy and settled then sorry, you are over-reacting a bit.

I thought all childcare settings had to follow healthy eating guidelines though?

If it was every day then YANB

[quote Grabmygran]@starfishmummy when should I have started this policy? At 6 months old she ate puréed carrots for dinner. Should we all have eaten the same?[/quote]
My daughter ate what we all did from the start of weaning. Whatever was plated up for the family was plated up for her. So you can start that policy from weaning 🤷🏽‍♀️
But I believe you know that and are just enjoying the drama 😂

Im a childminder. I don’t ever give the kids sweets…if nothing else think of the cost! 😂 we do sometimes bake together and then eat it for snack or pudding, and if it’s a birthday I make a cake and everyone gets a slice. I wouldn’t personally exclude a child in that scenario, no matter what parents said I don’t think. But I’ve never had a parent have an issue with the them having a piece of cake and a party tea (so including crisps, pizza etc) on someone’s birthday.
But I don’t give treats out on a regular basis, like biscuits/crisps etc. And actually I’ve moved to parents providing packed lunches, so that has eliminated a lot of even the temptation of me grabbing a biscuit for them etc if there was any at all.

I wouldn’t not give my 1year old cake for their birthday. But I totally agree with the rest of it, limiting sugar etc. Both my two have had limited sugar, zero salt, no juice/squash etc. My eldest is 11 and still zero salt limited sugar and no juice/squash/fizzy drinks. He has zero sugar fizzy on special occasions. Even at secondary school now he seems to make good choices and actively chooses water to drink.
However my 3yo is still breastfed and o see that’s mentioned above re teeth. I’ve always been under the impression (via lactation consultants and bf support groups) that breastfeeding doesn’t cause cavities so I am surprised to see that and do hope her teeth will be ok.
On that note though, I had a good diet and good oral health from a young age and my teeth are horrendous. I’ve had
So many fillings compared to others my age, and the dentist said it really is pot luck sometimes. My eldest has had two fillings already, both in baby teeth though, and I am exceptionally strict on oral health and as I said he has had very limited sugar over his life. It’s definitely only occasional treats. So sometimes you can do everything right and it still goes wrong 🙈🤷🏽‍♀️

However I totally disagree with the 1 year old doesn’t know what’s going on comments. I’ve had the pleasure of around 100 1 year olds over the year and seen in many 1st birthdays. 🤔 they’re not
Idiots! My daughter could walk and feed herself competently by her first birthday, she couldn’t talk…but she was aware of life 😂🤷🏽‍♀️ As are most other 1 year olds I’ve ever met! I don’t know why there’s a perception that a 12 month old would be an idiot…but they’re not! 😂 they also are interested in what you’re doing and eating at that age, whether they’ve seen or eaten it before or not. Thats a trait that most babies start doing (being interested in what you’re eating/drinking/doing) by about 4/5 months!!! So I’m very surprised by the amount of 12 months old on here who have absolutely no clue about their surroundings or what is happening around them…🤔😂

Not unreasonable if you feel the childminder isn't listening to your wishes. And yes, you should definitely tell her your reasons for doing this.

However I don't understand your logic about buying a cake for your child and eating it yourself. Why didn't you have raspberries with her if you believe it's so wrong to have a little cake? I think you risk setting your child up for an eating disorder if you continue make sure all sugar is out of her reach - especially if others in the family are eating it. It's human nature to want what we are forbidden!

This thread is bonkers. It’s not weird that you don’t want your kid to have cake but it is weird to buy her one and eat it yourself. Hilarious.
I’d move your child in from the child minder. Most CM are in high demand and it doesn’t seem like the home from home environment the rest of the kids have is in keeping with your own ideals.

The cake thing is pretty weird.

I should add, I mean zero added salt. Obviously.