To not want my 19 year old moving to Canada alone?

[MiddayMass]

She has 0 connections in Canada. She isn’t particularly academic and uni is her idea of hell but works in hospitality and thrives in that role. The restaurant she works at offered her a manager on duty promotion not long after she started because of how on the ball she is.

All her friends went off to uni in September and I think she’s feeling like it’s time to make a drastic change in her own life too. Which I understand. I thought maybe she’d move into a house share with other young people or something.

Today over dinner she revealed that Canada do a 2 year ‘Working Holiday’ visa for certain countries. You don’t need to be a professional or have a degree, you can go over and work in hospitality just fine. As long as you have somewhere to live, a couple of grand in the bank (she has savings) and health insurance you’re fine. She’s says she’s been looking into it and has already signed up with an agency and has paid fees to go and work on a ski resort this Winter with live-in accommodation. She’s insisted it’s all legit and that she has done all of her research.

To be honest, I smiled about it to her face but I’m scared shitless. Do such jobs actually exist? I’m worried it’s dodgy. She will have no connections in Canada. She insists that the agency has in-country support and that she’s in a Facebook group with other girls her own age who are going to the same town, and that they all plan to meet up once they are there etc. There’s even talk of some of them maybe getting a flat-share as she doesn’t want to be in the hotel accommodation for the full 2 years. She honestly doesn’t seem worried at all. I’m not sure why she chose Canada specifically. Apparently Europe wasn’t drastic enough, she’s not interested in Asia or Africa, Oceania is too far from home and she ‘wouldn’t be seen dead in the USA in its current state’ so she ended up with Canada.

DH isn’t happy either and says he’ll be worried about her, and has suggested that we try and talk her out of it. I don’t want to do that as she is an adult but I am terrified. How would you feel? I never really left my home town or travelled. At DD’s age I was pregnant with her brother and living in a flat 5 minutes away from my parents and so the idea of jetting off to another continent alone at that age is unthinkable to me. I’m not saying I’d rather she was pregnant at 19 living in a grotty flat, I just mean it’s all so foreign to me because I was in such a different situation at her age so I don’t know if my fear is rational or not.

It sounds fantastic. My DDs did summer work in the US through BUNAC. They loved it and it made them much more confident and independent. Let her go and enjoy her youth.

My daughter in law did something similar, though the other way round! She is from Canada and came to the UK on a working visa at 19. It is a great thing to do to expand themselves. She had a fantastic time. She did it on her own too, not knowing anyone in this country.
My son met her when she was working here and has now lived in Canada for 20 years. I have now visited many times. it is a great country. You could always go for a holiday next year to visit and see for yourself what it's like.

Your daughter sounds very clued up and knows what she wants. She has done the research needed. You need to support her. It is so easy to stay in touch now. I had had expensive phone calls when my son first went to Canada. If she doesn't like it, she can always come home, though I am sure she won't.

My sons all did gap years, Europe and Australia. I couldn't imagine never leaving the place i lived all my life, I think it is quite sad that you haven't ever wanted to see other places - I have moved around the UK a lot over the years and travelled the world.

My nephew worked as a ski instructor in Canada at age 18 for a season. He loved it and gave him a lot of confidence.

Make sure she has insurance, not just health insurance but 'working holiday' insurance, and check the small print.

One of my friends went to Australia on a similar scheme and the insurance small print hid some surprise eg one didn't cover manual labour such as fruit picking, which is a popular job for working holiday visas.

Also check prices of 'round the world' tickets in can be cheaper than return.

I don't wish to scare you OP but she could do 2 years in Canada, then 1 or 2 years in Australia and then New Zealand (depending on covid restrictions).

She will have a blast.

She'll probably have the time of her life. It's pretty much a gap year isn't it.

I think it would be very wrong of you to try and talk her out of it. Also, it probably wouldn't work.

Wave her off with a big smile. You don't want her feeling like you're holding her back. That isn't what a parent is supposed to do.

That sounds fun. There are a lot of vacancies for these types of job here at the moment. Very common to do the jobs you’re mentioning on live in basis.
Just a minor point on health insurance, you don’t need that ongoing. Just 90 days and then she will qualify for state health cover.
She will have a great time. Worst case scenario she doesn’t and just gets a plane home.

How amazing. Good for your dd. I went for a student exchange trip to America aged 20 and loved it so much, luckily my parents only encouraged me.

I'd take your husband out to the pub and talk it through with him. The 'our child is not a clone of us and is going to make different choices and we need to support her, of course we're terrified but it's actually great she's doing this' conversation.

Well done for bringing her up with the confidence to do it. Sounds great!

Oh goodness, I can’t think about her not coming back. I’ll start blubbing and will wake DH up. She doesn’t have qualifications past GCSE so I don’t think she’ll have much chance of staying past the 2 years unless she meets somebody and they end up living together and marriage etc.

Good for her. Don’t discourage her.

Yes, she can always come home if it gets too tough for her. She will miss you and everything familiar very much even if she is, overall, having a wonderful time. Technology means you can be in touch all the time and you can always go out there and visit. assume she will get some leave and can come home at some point too (though expensive so maybe not an option).

I ask again, what would she be doing if she stayed in the UK and is that what you want for her?

My goodness, you see so many posts on here about parents who have adult kids with 0 motivation still living at home rent free and unemployed and the OP is worried about her DD being TOO motivated and adventurous?
I completely understand missing her but what exactly is 'unsafe' about her plan?

This is SO common. Jobs like this most certainly do exist. Almost everyone I knew at this age did something similar! Some of us went to work in Australia, America, China, Africa, Canada, etc. If anything, Canada is probably one of the safest places she could go. She won´t be alone there, she will be connected with other people doing the same experience through the agency normally. She´s 19! Not a child! This is the perfect age for this sort of thing. I was 18 when I did similar (in a significantly less safe, non-English-speaking country).

To be honest, in many ways it is less risky and life changing than what you did at 19! Worse case scenario, she comes home.

Good for her, one day she’ll look back on her life and celebrate everything she did, the places she went and the friends she made. You only get one life and you want hers to be special. Be proud of her that she’s brave and adventurous.

PLEASE don´t try and talk her out of it, for the sake of your relationship with her. Either you´ll really spoil the excitement of planning and going for her, which will be really selfish of you, or she actually won´t go and then will probably end up resenting you for the rest of her life for talking her out of this fabulous, exciting opportunity.

All parents worry. But think about her, not yourselves.

I was on expat forums for many years before had after I moved to Australia. People like your daughter would often come along for advice. The main advice seemed to be to avoid or at least be very careful with “agencies” that apparently facilitate the WHV holders, finding work etc. They can often be a rip off, there should be no need to use such an agency.

The travel itself is a good idea, but I would encourage her to apply for the visa herself, directly through a government website and also do her own job hunting and cut out the agency which probably will just take her money.

I do have one hesitation over her age. This is something I found on the Australian immigration forums. So sometimes people would use the WHV when they are 18/19 and sometimes they decide they would like to move to Australia permanently (or at least for longer) afterwards. But at 18/19 they are unlikely to have accumulated the experience / qualifications to move more permanently whereas at 22 onwards they might have. Sometimes they use the visa up whilst a teenager and then before they are 30 decide they would like to move to Australia, the WHV can be a stepping stone to that, even if it simply provides sufficient time to prove a relationship, but they have used it up when they were 18 and so that avenue is closed as you can only get WHV once in a lifetime. It may seem like a stretch, but it is worth being mindful of it.

Waste of money’
‘We’re lucky to live in the U.K. and have everything we need, why would you bother going somewhere else?’
‘It’s probably one of them dodgy jobs where they take your passport upon arrival and make you work for free’ (I was worried about it being dodgy but not to that extent, I was more thinking about the agency maybe being an online scam and her arriving to no job.)
‘Who emigrates alone? You’ll be bored and we will be worried.’
‘Just spend your money on a house deposit here.’
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

And he has no idea why she wants to go….?
😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Classic!

She doesn’t have qualifications past GCSE so I don’t think she’ll have much chance of staying past the 2 years unless she meets somebody and they end up living together and marriage etc.

Even on that you’re writing her off unless she gets married! She’s got enough about her to go out and see the world and have marvellous adventure! I’m sure she’s got enough about her to get further qualifications if she needs them and not rely on man to sort her.

She sounds sensible and has done her research. She'll have a great time.

@Kuachui

You must not frequent Shepherd's bush! Crawling with Australians (and New Zealanders). About 35 thousand people came to the UK every year under 2 year working holiday visas before covid. Kiwis call it an 'OE' (overseas experience).

To be fair, when I was in the UK despite trying to meet locals most people I met were Kiwi, Aussie or South African.

@MiddayMass Just think, if she stays the full two years you have the perfect excuse for your first overseas holiday. Go visit your DD in Canada!

Good for her! I did BUNAC at that age and it was, and still is, was if the best and most formative experiences of my life. She’s going to have a ball, and meet other Brits doing BUNAC, as well as making new Canadian friends.
Goodness knows where this will take her, and as for education - she can get qualified in all sorts on foundation and access courses. Including hospitality.
Tell your DH to wind his neck in. My dad didn’t want me to go either, but I can’t imagine the life I would have had staying at home, in my home town compared to the one I have now. Luckily my mum thought it was a great idea - not that either of them would have been able to stop me. I went to Uni in another country too- again, dad wanted me to stay at home but at 18 it really is the time to leave home and be independent if you can.

I did this exact thing. I went in 2014 on this working holiday scheme. Back then UK citizens got one year, but you could then apply again while you were there for a second year.

Fortunately for me the second year I was to reapply, that's when they changed it to two years for UK citizens so I got an extra 2 years!

I had the absolute time of my life. I went on my own and so did most people doing the working holiday. Definitely the best thing I have every done and don't regr2a single moment. It was amazing.

‘ unless she meets somebody and they end up living together and marriage etc.’

Your girl’s got some gumption - hopefully she seem more than marriage at 21 in her future!