To not want my 19 year old moving to Canada alone?

[MiddayMass]

She has 0 connections in Canada. She isn’t particularly academic and uni is her idea of hell but works in hospitality and thrives in that role. The restaurant she works at offered her a manager on duty promotion not long after she started because of how on the ball she is.

All her friends went off to uni in September and I think she’s feeling like it’s time to make a drastic change in her own life too. Which I understand. I thought maybe she’d move into a house share with other young people or something.

Today over dinner she revealed that Canada do a 2 year ‘Working Holiday’ visa for certain countries. You don’t need to be a professional or have a degree, you can go over and work in hospitality just fine. As long as you have somewhere to live, a couple of grand in the bank (she has savings) and health insurance you’re fine. She’s says she’s been looking into it and has already signed up with an agency and has paid fees to go and work on a ski resort this Winter with live-in accommodation. She’s insisted it’s all legit and that she has done all of her research.

To be honest, I smiled about it to her face but I’m scared shitless. Do such jobs actually exist? I’m worried it’s dodgy. She will have no connections in Canada. She insists that the agency has in-country support and that she’s in a Facebook group with other girls her own age who are going to the same town, and that they all plan to meet up once they are there etc. There’s even talk of some of them maybe getting a flat-share as she doesn’t want to be in the hotel accommodation for the full 2 years. She honestly doesn’t seem worried at all. I’m not sure why she chose Canada specifically. Apparently Europe wasn’t drastic enough, she’s not interested in Asia or Africa, Oceania is too far from home and she ‘wouldn’t be seen dead in the USA in its current state’ so she ended up with Canada.

DH isn’t happy either and says he’ll be worried about her, and has suggested that we try and talk her out of it. I don’t want to do that as she is an adult but I am terrified. How would you feel? I never really left my home town or travelled. At DD’s age I was pregnant with her brother and living in a flat 5 minutes away from my parents and so the idea of jetting off to another continent alone at that age is unthinkable to me. I’m not saying I’d rather she was pregnant at 19 living in a grotty flat, I just mean it’s all so foreign to me because I was in such a different situation at her age so I don’t know if my fear is rational or not.

You were pregnant at 19, living 5 minutes from your parents, have never left your home town nor travelled.

These are all the reasons why she wants to!

Others have pointed out gapnywar students are often younger than her and in far less safe countries. I hope your DH does not try to talk her out of it. You will risk losing her or making her resent you both.

Let her live her best life!

As a Canadian, yes this is legit. While I can't speak for the specific resort, there are many, many young adults who arrive from around the world to work the ski resorts (and party) over the winter. Canada is a pretty safe country and she will be with a lot of other young adults also far from home. It is seasonal work and many love it and stay at it for a few years.

you would be massively unreasonable to try to stop her. I travelled the world at her age, I’m sure it was terrifying for my parents but they never tried to put me off. Travel really does ‘broaden the mind’, it also gave me a lot more self-confidence from having to fend for myself a world away from my parents.

And of all of the places in the world that she could have chosen, Canada is probably one of the safest and friendliest. I spent a few months travelling across Canada at her age, it’s a fantastic country, she will have a brilliant time.

It sounds great OP, she’ll love it.
I had an offer to go abroad for uni at 15, moved there a couple of weeks after turning 16. Like your DD, I did all the research and paperwork mostly because my parents didn’t speak a word of that country’s language. It was for uni, but still very daunting for them and they understandably had doubts when I ‘presented’ the offer to them, almost like a given fact

All you can do is have a look online yourself to make sure the resort is legit and it all sounds safe, and make sure you’re there for her throughout the process and once she moves out.

She’ll have lots of fun, meet lots of new people and hopefully gather some cool experiences to talk about all her life. You’ve raised her really well OP, from the sounds of it!

YABU

I did the same thing. I'm sure my parents were scared witless too, but I had a whale of a time and it was the making of me. I wouldn't go back and change it for anything.

Yes, it’s a thing. Lots of our young do it, they go to the USA to work as school holiday camp councillors, resorts in Canada and indeed assistants in boarding schools in the UK. It’s a great thing for a young person, I can’t see a downside.

Perfect opportunity! My friend did this to the US while the rest of us went to Uni. She worked in bars and hotels eventually making it to Beverage manager by the time we'd graduated.

She's now outrageously successful in hospitality and owns three bars and restaurants in her state, is a US citizen along with her US husband and two kids and her mum joined her there several years ago.

Let her go!

The week I turned 18 I got my working holiday visa sorted - was going to the UK not from the UK though. It's an excellent experience and lots of people do it. She is right to be careful about insurance though - check that.

I would also encourage her to check that the agency is the best pathway . Sometimes employers will hire you directly and you will save thousands in fees, sometimes employers only use particular agencies. Depends on the sector and employer.

It’s fine, she’s 19 not 16. If Australia’s borders were properly open my 18 year old would be in Europe or the UK by now, on a long working holiday knowing no one at all. My 21 spent a month in Europe alone when she’d just turned 18, it’s normal and should be encouraged. I actually think it’s really sad that you’ve never left your hometown or travelled, I don’t understand that kind of closed mindset where you can’t grow and learn because everything is same same and you don’t see new ideas or experiences as everything is same same. She wants to spread her wings and I hope you support her as it sounds like she’ll go anyway.

I went to Canada on a working student visa. I also went to America three times, France once and Nepal once. All great experiences. As long as she's picked a reliable agency she should be fine. I always used an agency as they would help out with any issues.

I’m so jealous. I wish I’d done this at her age.

Try and support her on this if you can.

Yeah, I wasn’t an ambitious teenager unfortunately and neither was her brother. We’re from quite an insular small town. It’s only in the past 10 years I’d say that going to uni stopped being unusual for the kids from the town. The norm here is settled with kids by 25. Nobody in our circle has done anything like this which is why I’m so taken aback. For some reason I just assumed she’d stay here forever like most people.

I’ll try and get a grip and be excited for her. I think DH will be an issue as he’s really not happy. He won’t directly stop her but he’s going to be moaning about it. He’s quite a salt of the earth bloke and just doesn’t ‘get’ it, why she’d want the fuss when where we live is perfectly fine and the family are here bla bla bla.

Yes she’s going with Bunac. She could have easily sorted the fee herself but Bunac offered her a guaranteed job and I think that was the appeal. It was only around £400.

I can see her going far in hospitality and progressing to management quickly, it’s her niche. @Ginmaker Bloody well done to your friend! That sounds like DD’s dream

*sorted the visa not the fee

She is exactly the right age to go live abroad, explore the world and become herself. So, yes. She should go to Canada.

Honestly, what’s happened to the world that this is regarded something to worry about? I was 18 when I first moved abroad and didn’t know a soul. It was brilliant!

She has plenty of money (all her doing, she’s a great saver and puts me to shame) so I’m not worried about her being able to get a flight back if she hates it or gets in a mess. I’d probably ringfence a few hundred though for my own peace of mind just in case of the possibility of her being left with no money and needing to come home.

@immersivereader

bunac.org/working-holidays/canada/work-canada

^^

It'll be this. Though to be fair she'd be better getting the visa herself then just applying on the IntraWest website. Bunac is expensive

I did BUNAC for my first one for the in country support and then did them on my own for the others:

I did UK (2x) and met exH
Canada
Australia
NZ

I had professional jobs for all of them too although entry level in publishing probably pays worse than hospitality!

I'm an only child and my parents didn't have passports themselves for years.

The only bad thing that came of it was I married a foreigner or two and had their grandbaby abroad. I live in UK now which is foreign to us but home to me.

You have to let them fly sometimes.

Would you have been happier right now if she said she was pregnant? The world is changing,. 25 seems young to settle down.

Not leaving your hometown, why would you assume she'd never want to leave?

Sometimes parents map out how they think child's lives should be or what's "best" for them. It seems you may have had these ideals but open to accepting that your daughter has higher hopes for herself + support her dreams, even if they aren't what you have chosen for her. Good for you.

Just because your husband doesn't see the point of travel, that's for him to deal with & it sounds like he must be aware that he has a small town mindset. Many people enjoy travel & want to experience different cultures....surely he can try to understand that his viewpoint is personal, it doesn't make him "right".

I think if he grumbles you could just diffuse the tension by saying "Oh love your father's just worried & going to miss you, like we all are." etc

Teens go to far scarier places than Canada during their gap years. And for the most part, they love the experience and greatly benefit from it.

I definitely think keeping a few hundred pounds aside will help ease my worries a bit once she’s gone. I’ve just thought of that idea now.

My biggest worry would be her ending up in some kind of crisis over there with no money to come home, unlikely I know but you hear about this stuff. Or for me to go out there if ever necessary.

As I said, for my own peace of mind more than anything as I can’t bear the thought of something happening and her being stuck of me not being able to go to her.

But she’s got a good head on her shoulders and I’m sure most likely it won’t need to be used. It’s to benefit me by settling my worries more than it is to benefit her

Wow! What a brilliant opportunity. Much more sensible than backpacking or interrailing (I used to live is Asia, too many newspaper reports of gap year students getting into trouble). I always wish I’d done one of these visas but I’m too old now.

Sounds like an amazing opportunity for her @MiddayMass 😊 and well done to you DD for putting in the effort to research properly and look for a reputable agency etc! Sounds like it’s something she really really wants to do!

I think it’s normal to feel a bit apprehensive at the prospect of her being so far away but I’m sure once she’s there and settled and made some friends you’ll feel much better.

I’d help her research insurance and make sure she takes out a really good one. Also, think of any emergencies - you’ve said you’re confident she’d have the money to get home quickly if needed etc which is great. For me, I know I’d also feel more comfortable knowing that me/DH/both of us were able to get to her if needed too so I’d be making sure we had some money aside for flights and expenses and passports were well within date etc JUST incase. I’m sure it’s very very unlikely you’d ever need it but it would definitely make me feel a bit more comfortable 😊

Is she going to Whistler?

See, my issues with it come from a place of concern. Irrational I know and I’ll work on it but I can still see the appeal for her and can see why she’s excited for it. DH can’t. I think he’s going to be a pain in the arse with it and I’ll have to try and nip it in the bud.

His speech earlier contained:

‘Waste of money’
‘We’re lucky to live in the U.K. and have everything we need, why would you bother going somewhere else?’
‘It’s probably one of them dodgy jobs where they take your passport upon arrival and make you work for free’ (I was worried about it being dodgy but not to that extent, I was more thinking about the agency maybe being an online scam and her arriving to no job.)
‘Who emigrates alone? You’ll be bored and we will be worried.’
‘Just spend your money on a house deposit here.’

Glad you’re coming round to the idea OP. Just brace yourself for the possibility that she never comes back to live in her home town. Once you’ve had your eyes opened it’s hard to go back to small town life. I think my Mum always assumed I would go home after Uni/Travel and was upset when I never did.

Your daughter is obviously interested in doing this, since she found out about it herself. It's a great idea to let her try.