DH against flu vaccine - pregnant

[LaLaDe]

My DH doesn't want me to get the flu vaccine. Im 6 weeks pregnant and we were discussing it tonight; I indicated that I would be getting it and he called me a fucking idiot.

He said we shouldn't need vaccines because our bodies should be able to fight things themselves.
He had no medical or scientific background whatsoever.

This all started throughout lockdown/ covid. He believes the whole thing is about government control. He was NEVER anti-vax before this. I can kind of understand being wary about the covid vaccine during pregnancy, however, surely the flu jab is pretty standard and uncontroversial?

He watches Doctors and scientists on various platforms who have been "cancelled" by mainstream media. It's very difficult to have a conversation about this with him. If I say something he doesn't agree with, he'll get up and walk away.

Wwyd? Any advice? :(

I honestly would seriously consider leaving my husband if he decided he didn’t like science and believed in conspiracy theories, because that would just put us SO far apart I’m not sure I could bridge the gap. But as my mum likes to tell me, no everyone likes science as much as me.

That aside, it’s your body & you’re the one who will be seriously ill so he really has no say, in the short term I would get it and not tell him and then decide if you’re going to leave him.

@MojoJojo71

I genuinely could not be in a relationship with someone like this. ‘Eat more fruit and veg’? The man is an imbecile! I’d be worried about him being reluctant to vaccinate or seek appropriate medical care for your child too.

Even if he were talking any sense at all calling you a fucking idiot is unacceptable

I agree.

How are you going trust this moron with caring for your baby when his basic decision making skills are so poor?

Also you can tell him one of the underlying conditions people who die have us being pregnant! But once someone is down that rabbit hole there is a lot of research suggesting you will not be able to change his mind. It will need to come from someone in his reference group. Worth reading up on that.

@PerfectlyUnsuitable She's only 6 weeks gone. If her husband has lost his marbles and gone down a conspiracy theory rabbit hole then she still has options.

I got the flu vaccine for the first time ever when pregnant with my first. A year later and I had it pregnant with my second. I've since paid for it every year! It is VERY safe and flu in pregnancy can be dangerous for your baby.

If it were me now, I'd also get the COVID vaccine if I hadn't already had it.

You are both parents to be but you are carrying the baby and therefore get the choice!

He's the fucking idiot.....your immune system is suppressed during pregnancy to stop you rejecting the fetus - especially in the third trimester, this can make you more susceptible to flu and other viruses in terms of catching and becoming seriously ill. Flu can be life threatening in pregnancy maybe have that discussion....see how jych he values your life 🤷‍♀️

Please please get both the Covid and Flu vaccine. My friend Isa midwife across two London hospitals and has been involved in 4 post mortem sections and 2 perimortem deliveries.

The vast majority of those in ICU are unvaccinated. That should tell you all you need to know.

My friend Isa midwife across two London hospitals and has been involved in 4 post mortem sections and 2 perimortem deliveries.

I think that's one of the most sobering things I've read on MN. If your husband thinks fruit and veg is the answer, you'd better send him to fetch the apples of the Hesperides for you.

Nightmare. Why do men suddenly go funny?! They all seem to do it somehow or other!

@Anewdawnanewday1 Honestly, how dare you. Your response to me is clearly from a position of absolute privilege where you have never been in a relationship in which you haven't had a voice. It wasn't clear from the first post whether OP felt able to get the vaccination or not, thankfully it has since transpired that she does. I was offering to chat with her because - as your comment shows - very few people on here understand what it is like to be in a controlling relationship. No, I haven't had the vaccine. I wish I had. I wish I could have one tomorrow. I was speaking to our local women's aid number recently who said they have received hundreds of calls about this exact situation, most of them women forbidden to have the jab for cultural reasons. I was offering the OP a chance to talk without judgement if this applies to her because as your comment shows, judgement if fucking rife.

Ignore him and get it. I would also tell him that childhood immunisations for the new baby are also not up for negotiation.

It’s weird the way some men have gone like this! Our perfect reasonable neighbour thinks thatCovid is a hoax even though his DW was very ill with it. And his kids have both had it.
I know another DH of a friend - they are both hospital doctors - and HE doesn’t believe in vaccinations for Covid. He thinks that we can ‘train’ our bodies to fight Covid. Though he does believe in vaccinations in general. So odd.

@Cooperjay I hope women’s aid are helping you leave your DH as that’s no environment in which to raise a child.

You do whatever you want with your body, nothing to do with him. Calling you a fucking idiot is unacceptable.
The government aren't spending money in vaccines for no reason, it's based on research!

It's your body, your choice. If you want the vaccine, get it.
He sounds like a twat!

How ignorant of him. He’s making a very dangerous decision for you and your baby. Both flu and covid can be extremely dangerous during pregnancy. Please make your own decisions.

@Anewdawnanewday1 You also assumed I was pregnant, which I never said I was. I have three children ranging in age from 4 to 10. 'no environment in which to raise a child' - they are completely unaware but thanks for that helpful comment. The guilt tears me up, mainly because I struggle through most days fighting the tide of antivaccine judgement and listening to people wish me dead.

You don’t need his permission to get a medical procedure for yourself, so go get that andthe Covid jab asap.

I’d be more worried about what happens when the baby is here, because this idiot WILL have a say in what happens to the baby. Will the baby be expected to “just get over” measles? Polio? Other deadly childhood illnesses??

I don’t shout LTB lightly but would be very worried about having a child with this man sharing parental responsibility.

I'd get the vaccine , protect yourself and your baby. That's your choice not his

@anewdawnanewday1 I have reported that appalling post. Not that I need to justify myself to you, but people change. Relationships change. I didn't knowingly have children with an abusive man. Would you blame a women for being physically abused or do you only blame women who are emotionally abused. You have absolutely no idea. Attitudes and comments like yours are why women in these situations kill themselves. There is no support, no empathy. I didn't post here to tell my story because I know I'm not strong enough to deal with people like you as well as everything else I'm dealing with. I was posting to see if the OP wanted to speak to someone in the same situation (as I wrongly suspected she was) as I have found some support and I'm working on an exit strategy. Have some compassion and leave me alone with your victim blaming bile.

@Cooperjay I’ve also reported the post, it’s just sanctimonious bullshit. I’m glad you’re in contact with Women’s aid and are working on an exit strategy. I hope you can put your exit strategy into place soon

@inthenightwewillwish Thank you so much. OP I'm so sorry for hijacking your thread and I'm leaving this thread now. Good luck

[quote Cooperjay]@Anewdawnanewday1 You also assumed I was pregnant, which I never said I was. I have three children ranging in age from 4 to 10. 'no environment in which to raise a child' - they are completely unaware but thanks for that helpful comment. The guilt tears me up, mainly because I struggle through most days fighting the tide of antivaccine judgement and listening to people wish me dead.[/quote]
No judgement, just I hope you manage to leave him and get control over your life again.

OP seriously consider whether you want to stay with this man and keep the baby, once the baby is here he can stop the other vaccinations happening, it won't just be your say! He could call doctors and say he doesn't consent and then you will have a battle to get your children protected

It is your choice now because its your body so you can have the flu vaccine, but onve baby is here he gets a say on every medical decision and there won't be anything you can do