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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH against flu vaccine - pregnant

164 replies

LaLaDe · 14/11/2021 19:19

My DH doesn't want me to get the flu vaccine. Im 6 weeks pregnant and we were discussing it tonight; I indicated that I would be getting it and he called me a fucking idiot.

He said we shouldn't need vaccines because our bodies should be able to fight things themselves.
He had no medical or scientific background whatsoever.

This all started throughout lockdown/ covid. He believes the whole thing is about government control. He was NEVER anti-vax before this. I can kind of understand being wary about the covid vaccine during pregnancy, however, surely the flu jab is pretty standard and uncontroversial?

He watches Doctors and scientists on various platforms who have been "cancelled" by mainstream media. It's very difficult to have a conversation about this with him. If I say something he doesn't agree with, he'll get up and walk away.

Wwyd? Any advice? :(

OP posts:
ANameChangeAgain · 14/11/2021 19:59

Get the vaccine and let him walk, if that's his wish. Better that than have him trying to control your pain relief during labour, your baby's childhood vaccines etc. He sounds like a controlling and not particularly clever pain in the arse.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 14/11/2021 20:00

I wouldn’t want to be having a baby with a controlling fucking idiot.

WildExcuses · 14/11/2021 20:06

The issue isn’t so much the vaccine, as him thinking he can abuse you in order to get you to do what he wants.
If you didn’t want the vaccine, and he was abusing you in order to get you to have it, he’d still be wrong.

A future with a controlling man will not be good.

Original poster
LaLaDe · 14/11/2021 20:06

I'm definitely going to get the vaccine. I showed him some websites detailing how important the flu vaccine is for pregnant women.

He said there were no actual statistics or numbers - and the people who die have probably had other underlying conditions too.

Apparently I should just be eating more fruit and veg and that will help me.

I want to change his mind and bring him back to reality. For his own sake and for the baby - I'll be getting him/her vaccinated and I do not want an argument about every single one.

I am so frustrated. Everything I say or show him he has some comeback for. It's utterly draining.

OP posts:
rainyskylight · 14/11/2021 20:08

Another woman with another knobhead. It’s so depressing.

Regularsizedrudy · 14/11/2021 20:10

Honestly I wouldn’t have a child with this man. It’s going to be a huge battle every step of the way. I wouldn’t tie myself to a lunatic

TotallySuper · 14/11/2021 20:11

@Hapoydayz

It's your body, your choice. Get the vaccine to protect yourself. He doesn't sound very bright
This sums it up perfectly
ComDummings · 14/11/2021 20:11

He’s an absolute fool. Will he try to stop you getting your child vaccinated as well? People like him are dangerous.

Namenic · 14/11/2021 20:12

You get to decide. You are the one that may be at risk of going to ITU and complications if you catch it (I believe pregnant women are more vulnerable). If you got seriously unwell with it, it would put baby at risk too.

DismantledKing · 14/11/2021 20:14

He’s as thick as mince. Unfortunately, once people start down this mad road they don’t come back.

endofagain · 14/11/2021 20:15

I am so sorry. It must be disappointing and shocking to realise that he is not intelligent or educated.
You have some decisions to make.

Kdubs1981 · 14/11/2021 20:17

Your body, your choice.

Maybe he's using his previous experience of being pregnant? Oh wait.... He needs to learn a little about a woman's immune system in pregnancy and her vulnerability to serious illness, such as flu.

Do not discuss it, just do it. You don't need to discuss it with him if you don't want to. You don't have to even tell him.

This is you looking after yourself and your unborn baby.

pointythings · 14/11/2021 20:18

Fruit and veg? Does he think that nobody who died in the 1918 Influenza pandemic ate fruit and veg?

Your husband is so far down the conspiracy rabbit hole it's dangerous. Consider whether this is a relationship you should be in - it's hard to bring people back from this level of batshit.

Palmtree9 · 14/11/2021 20:19

I'm recovering from flu now at 7 months pregnant, I'd recommend the vaccine to anyone who can have it. This is not an experience I'd like to go through ever again. (I had the vaccine, before anyone says anything...I'm just one of the unlucky ones!)

cakecakecheese · 14/11/2021 20:20

Oh this is not good, I mean it's bad enough that he has these alarming views but to call you an idiot and to not listen to your perfectly reasonable explanations is very concerning. Do you have family nearby? You may need them.

UhOhOops · 14/11/2021 20:21

I had flu a few years ago and honestly I've never felt so poorly in my life. I lost 3 days entirely and half a stone, it wiped me out for weeks afterwards. I was not pregnant at the time.

Your body, your choice. You need to have a discussion about childhood vaccinations too op, urgently. This would be a deal breaker for me.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/11/2021 20:22

I am so frustrated. Everything I say or show him he has some comeback for. It's utterly draining.

Stop. Talking. There's nothing to discuss with this idiot. He would rather you be in jeopardy than go against his "orders." What an absolute prick. Get your flu and covid vaccinations at the earliest opportunity. Don't use his idiocy as an excuse to not protect yourself.

user128756 · 14/11/2021 20:23

I had flu whilst pregnant and I'm not joking when I say I actually thought I was going to die. I have never ever been so ill. It ended with pleurisy after 7 weeks and my DS was born with a health complication an organ that should have formed around the time I was sick didn't.

I was never advised to get the flu vaccine at the time no one ever mentioned it.

Get the vaccine and every vaccine offered.

Fluffycloudland77 · 14/11/2021 20:24

Pg lowers your immunity so I’d say it’s an underlying condition 😳

Eating well etc is like putting your seat belt on, it lowers your risk of dying in a crash but people still die in crashes.

BudgeSquare · 14/11/2021 20:24

This reply has been deleted

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Newhorizon21 · 14/11/2021 20:25

It's an inactivated vaccine, please read this
www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/keeping-well/flu-jab/

Anewdawnanewday1 · 14/11/2021 20:26

Well I wouldn’t knowingly have had a baby with a rampant anti vax conspiracy theorist but I guess it’s too late for that. Confused

So I would be very clear you’ve zero tolerance for taking medical advice from an idiot. Get your flu vaccine and tell him now baby will be getting ALL relevant vaccines and if he doesn’t like it he can leave.

Staryflight445 · 14/11/2021 20:27

Flu in pregnancy would potentially put you in icu.
It’s your body and your choice.

He’ll be the same with your babies vaccinations let’s be honest, I think you have bigger worries than your flu vaccine.

DismantledKing · 14/11/2021 20:28

@UhOhOops

I had flu a few years ago and honestly I've never felt so poorly in my life. I lost 3 days entirely and half a stone, it wiped me out for weeks afterwards. I was not pregnant at the time.

Your body, your choice. You need to have a discussion about childhood vaccinations too op, urgently. This would be a deal breaker for me.

Quite. I’ve only had flu once, it was in Feb 1985. I can remember that date because it was so fucking awful and debilitating.
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