DH against flu vaccine - pregnant

[LaLaDe]

My DH doesn't want me to get the flu vaccine. Im 6 weeks pregnant and we were discussing it tonight; I indicated that I would be getting it and he called me a fucking idiot.

He said we shouldn't need vaccines because our bodies should be able to fight things themselves.
He had no medical or scientific background whatsoever.

This all started throughout lockdown/ covid. He believes the whole thing is about government control. He was NEVER anti-vax before this. I can kind of understand being wary about the covid vaccine during pregnancy, however, surely the flu jab is pretty standard and uncontroversial?

He watches Doctors and scientists on various platforms who have been "cancelled" by mainstream media. It's very difficult to have a conversation about this with him. If I say something he doesn't agree with, he'll get up and walk away.

Wwyd? Any advice? :(

But here are some stats:

A woman who has had flu during pregnancy is four times more likely to give birth to a low birth weight baby.

The flu vaccine reduces hospitalisations of pregnant women with flu complications by 40%.

Pregnant women with flu are more than twice as likely to be hospitalised, twenty times more likely to end up in ICU, 50% more likely to need a c-section, and their babies are nearly twice as likely to end up in NICU.

Most data Vousden et al in research funded by the NIHR.

Here is a good layperson’s explanation of the mechanisms that make flu so potentially serious for pregnant women and their babies.

Having the flu vaccine also gives some immunity to your newborn. Does your husband also feel a newborn just needs to eat some extra fruit and veg to protect them from serious outcomes if they catch influenza?

I wish I could sit down and have a reasonable conversation with him, but he just gets annoyed. Which sounds ridiculous, I know.

He isn't like this with anything else; he's actually pretty intelligent and has a decent job, believe it or not.

He's definitely fallen down a rabbit hole. I would even go as far as to say "brainwashed" because he is just so adamant that he is correct and everyone else is wrong and has fallen for the big scam.

If he's going to block you and your health choices 6 weeks in to your parenting lives, you're going to have a fight in your hands forevermore.

You have 3 options:

1. Open the floor to a discussion and be browbeaten and coerced into something you don't want and you know is wrong.

1. Tell him explicitly what is happening, your body, your choice, and later your child, your choice, and he can get on board or not, but it is happening.

1. End the marriage/pregnancy.

Someone who wants to put your life and your unborn childs life at risk, and isn't thinking logically or rationally, isn't going to be a long-term supportive parent. Do you want to parent with him for the rest of your life, be married to him for the rest of your life, if you put your foot down, will it be enough, or will you be in danger?

Eat more fruit and vegetables! What an arse. Fruit and vegetables protect you from scurvy, vaccinations protect your from flu, smallpox, measles, meningitis, tb, etc.

You poor thing.

The fact that he has such a cavalier attitude to taking risks with your health and your baby’s is massively concerning.

@JassyRadlett thank you for that, and for the link. Hopefully this will help when I show him.

You don't need to discuss it with him you can just get it done. Why was it being discussed? I didn't even talk about this with my partner and was vaccinated during pregnancy however I know that he wouldn't try to push his opinions on me. Unless I was getting drunk and smoking whilst pregnant he wouldn't dare to tell me what I should do with my body.

I was sick with the flu for six weeks, the winter before I was pregnant. Thinking back on how unwell I was made me realise that I really wouldn’t fancy it while pregnant...
It’s just a practical to thing to do, like healthy eating or exercising. It all helps to protect the health of you & your baby. I would be sensible & not listen to any crackpot internet doctors. See your own GP.

Your body, your (informed) choice. I’d be really concerned about how he’s going to be over the rest of your pregnancy and decisions regarding birth etc. I’d also make sure he knows that the baby’s vaccinations are non-negotiable.

Good luck op, it sounds exhausting x

On your unborn baby’s future vaccinations… I wouldn’t get into this AT ALL. You’ll just give him an opportunity to dig in. Just get on and protect your child, no discussion.

These brainwashed types are very persuasive. Because of the situation I'm in at work, I have to ensure my team are doing their LFTs before visiting my workplace- clients rules.
It means I'm the venting point from annoyed contractors. I find it's 1/2 that start spewing vitriol about the pandemic, the vaccines, the masks, even having to sanitise, and definitely definitely the testing.
A lot of people share their views, their crazy, far fetched views. The general consensus is that they don't know anyone who should have had the jab, that everyone is well enough to fight off Covid and the flu and everything else without any of these jabs. That it's all for control, the same as all the other measures.

These are just strangers, but strangers who completely believe what they're saying, and now people can tell I am pregnant, the advice can get quite...personal? I've been told that if I have the jabs I'll leave my kids without a mum because these jabs are killing people quicker than those without the jabs.
The first few times I heard it, I'd written them off as loons, over time, you find yourself questioning if they're right. I had my booster jab today, but I had a few minutes where I was fretting about if it was the right thing to do! I gave my head a wobble and went and had it, so I'm not judging, but please- speak with your midwife about any and all vaccinations, ensure she knows there's pressure at home for you to not receive these, but your intention is to have any and all vaccinations for you and baby- but this will hopefully alert her to the fact that there may come a time when you need extra information.... hearing crazy can get into your head, when you're just trying your best!

Wishing you all the best.
If you feel you need to lie to him, do it- no symptoms with the flu jab, or my covid booster - hopefully it's the same for you.

I had swine flu when i was pregnant and I was hospitalised and the baby came early and had long term complications from that. Pregnancy impacts on your immune system

What do you want to do?

The ‘flu vaccination is proven to be very safe.

If he has been attending ante natal appointments with you I would put a stop to that and go by yourself if he can be pushy about health things. Like others say Make it clear your child will be having routine vaccinations. Do this ASAP, so that you don't start having arguments about this when you baby is three months. Most people I know are feeling fairly tired and vulnerable in the first few months and the last thing you want is stress about this.

There are some things in relationships that I can let slide.
But telling me what I can/can’t do with my body is not one of them.
Especially if that could result in me (or my baby) being incredibly ill or dying.

Being anti-vaccine wouldn't bother me a great deal, as long as he kept his thoughts generally to himself; it's up to him if he gets vaccinated or not.
But dictating to you and swearing at you for YOUR choice is the problem here.

Are you sure you want this man to be the father of your child? He is brainwashed and is going to make your life a nightmare for at least 18 years. Do you want him making medical decisions for you and the baby? He can't be trusted.

Let's hope he doesn't oppose to the other vaccines you're offered in pregnancy and/or giving your baby it's vaccines when it's here..
He's a silly bastard

He called you a fucking idiot.
Cancel him.

You are not going to make him change his mind by showing his statistics etc….
I’m not even sure you can change his mind tbh.

The way our world is atm, some people seems to be going down rabbit holes and refusing to see the reality even when it’s right in front of their nose. Not just Covid either :(

I’d get the jab and not tell him. It’s your body, your choice.
Hopefully by the time dc is here, he will have mellow and bit crate too much of a stir for normal childhood immunisations.

@FlowerFlour

Are you sure you want this man to be the father of your child? He is brainwashed and is going to make your life a nightmare for at least 18 years. Do you want him making medical decisions for you and the baby? He can't be trusted.

Well it’s a bit late for that isn’t it? He will be and always be the father if the child….

You don’t even have to tell him. I genuinely couldn’t be married to someone with these views though as they are so far from mine and I would leave him.

@LaLaDe

I'm definitely going to get the vaccine. I showed him some websites detailing how important the flu vaccine is for pregnant women.

He said there were no actual statistics or numbers - and the people who die have probably had other underlying conditions too.

Apparently I should just be eating more fruit and veg and that will help me.

I want to change his mind and bring him back to reality. For his own sake and for the baby - I'll be getting him/her vaccinated and I do not want an argument about every single one.

I am so frustrated. Everything I say or show him he has some comeback for. It's utterly draining.

The odds of you 'bringing him back to reality' are slim to none

I genuinely could not be in a relationship with someone like this. ‘Eat more fruit and veg’? The man is an imbecile! I’d be worried about him being reluctant to vaccinate or seek appropriate medical care for your child too.

Even if he were talking any sense at all calling you a fucking idiot is unacceptable

I hope that you have had the Covid jag, you need to get that as well as the flu jag. Ur partner is an utter idiot.

Op I fought for my and my babies lives when pregnant.

Get you jag, non-negociable, go get it.

I got hit was tamiflu, antibiotics, and goodness knows what else, escaped a c-section with the skin of my teeth, I'm sure that would have meant more drugs and treatment for my baby too.

Long term decide if you want to stay with someone so controlling?