Do I choose my Pride over money ?

[Mamacarrot]

For two years my partner has not been working first was due to covid then afterwards was due to his health. He is currently trying to get on medication then has plans to go back to work once that’s sorted. Anyways my dad and his wife keep asking about whether he was working I lied saying he was working part time however recently I told them the truth about his health condition and that’s why he’s not been working but hopefully will . My dad was sympathetic and has helped me out a lot . He’s been offering me money and 2 weeks ago took me and my son shopping and I’ve been able to get him winter clothes and bought me a jacket. This was the first time I had bought anything for myself in 2 years. This week he also bought me a pram because I needed one . My husband is upset I told them about his business. He is upset because he knows my stepmum has a big mouth and he is right . She has so far told the rest of the family and it’s been very embarrassing for me because people keep asking me about my husbands health condition . Also the other day I visited my aunt and I had on an old polo jumper she blurted out in front of everyone ‘ how have you got a polo on when you’re broke’ . It’s embarrassing. I know everyone is probably making a fool out of me and my husband at the moment. And he was right . Because he doesn’t know this because I didn’t tell him he was right . I now regret saying something but at the same time I don’t because I’ve been able to get a lot of things for my son . My husband doesn’t know about these incidents but he’s overall said he knows the type of people my family are and they are all probably gossiping about us . Which is true . He asked me where my pride was . So I’m considering lying to my dad and his wife by telling them my husband is okay now and is working. I’m doing this to save our pride. But a part of me isn’t sure if I should do this because my dad has helped me a lot with our son and also myself . I’ve been able to do normal things like go get my hair done or buy myself something which I haven’t done in 2 years . I also want to add that my dad has his own business and does well for himself and his wife has never worked for the 20 years she’s been with him because he can afford to support her. So my dad is able to help us and support us.
I’m not sure what to do.

So he’d rather your child went without ? He’s being ridiculous

Oh my. Bad decisions made at every step. The lying in the first place and then going overboard in the opposite direction and telling her (the known gossip) minute details about his health condition that she absolutely did not need to know. For goodness sakes do not think about lying again, this is a bad idea. It will cause even more problems.

His ‘pride’ is much less important than how he, and the two of you, provide for yourselves and your DC.

Is he actually unwell enough not to be able to do any paid work?

Do you work? What are your husbands health conditions and is it for sure that he will be able to.go back to work? What state support have you applied for?

You shouldn't lie to your dad but equally he cant keep supporting you your child and your partner indefinitely.

Beggars can't be choosers and pride doesn't feed or clothe a family. If your th doesn't like it he either needs to get a job now or do the childcare so you can get a full time job.

YANBU

Don't lie. Your husband is being ridiculous.

What do you do for work?

No such thing as a free lunch. I don’t think it would bother me TBH. The gossip will fade and meanwhile you have a bit less to worry about.

@SoniaFouler

Oh my. Bad decisions made at every step. The lying in the first place and then going overboard in the opposite direction and telling her (the known gossip) minute details about his health condition that she absolutely did not need to know. For goodness sakes do not think about lying again, this is a bad idea. It will cause even more problems.

I agree. If it was up to me I would wish she wouldn’t know but there’s no way I could tell my dad and hide it from her. He would have told her either way. He doesn’t hide stuff from her

@LadyWithLapdog

No such thing as a free lunch. I don’t think it would bother me TBH. The gossip will fade and meanwhile you have a bit less to worry about.

Thanks. I felt that way too. I said that but he’s worried about the gossip

Sod pride if you need clothes or food or whatever and your dad can and will help take that help.

Your husband needs to get over it.

@BIWIb I used to work as an archivist and was self employed . But the money is little I won’t be able to afford childcare

Pride doesn’t help your son.

Your dad sounds like a good man, don’t lie to him.

What is the timeline for his return to work?

He should be happy that someone is providing much needed things for you and his son.

The gossip will die down, ignore it. It probably makes your dad very happy to take care of you when you're in trouble.

So neither of you are working and your dad wants to help you and you are considering lying because of your pride?

Surely your husband can provide childcare?

Being ill is nothing to be ashamed of.If its something like depression,its still an illness as much as a physical one.Dont lie,you have nothing to be ashamed of.

[quote Mamacarrot]@BIWIb I used to work as an archivist and was self employed . But the money is little I won’t be able to afford childcare[/quote]
Does your husband's illness mean he can't be the start at home parent? Is he entitled to any help or benefits?

I'd let eh do the childcare and take Christmas temp job if I were you until your d's medication kicks in. You can't afford to both not be working.

There's no shame in being unable to work due to illness. If your DH was a lazy cocklodger it would be different. But everyone runs into difficulties now and again. Don't lie to people.

Ah people gossip, ignore it. Unless your family are truly dreadful could they be asking out of concern about dp condition?

Would dp be well enough to do childcare while you work? Me and my husband did this.

Don’t lie to your Dad, you need his support. Don’t listen to the gossips.

I think if your husband is too ill to work, then he needs to be doing childcare so you can. If he's too ill for that, then he should be applying for ESA/ PIP whatever it currently is. Regardless, I don't buy that your wages will be too low for chilcare- you will receive universal credits help towards childcare, and the minimum wage is £9. Something an hour now, child are is £4-5. And if you are on a low wage you will get 20 hours funded free if you work a certain amount.

There's no harm in parents help, but I think if you are choosing not to work, you shouldn't be relying on your dad to financially support you.

You shouldn't have lied and you should probably have referred to your husband's health in general terms. But no, I don't think you should put Pride first if your dad is willing and able to give you some help while you're struggling.

Your husband is wrong that's it's "his business" . Him not working has left you and his son short and that's also your business! Pride is ask well and good but it Durant put food on the table or buy warm winter clothes.

I do agree that you ought to think again about work options. Can your husband do childcare? Can your dad and stepmum help out with this too?

I agree it's a good time to at least do some seasonal work, so many places are crying out for staff and raising their wages.