Cancelling Christmas invitation

[Rose789]

I’ve just received an appointment for surgery to remove my gallbladder. Been waiting a long time and has already been postponed three times.
The new date is 21 December.

Normally for Christmas we host Christmas dinner for PIL, BIL and his gf, dh uncle, my dad and then me Dh and 2 kids. Everyone was invited a few weeks ago.
When the appointment came through I suggested to dh that we cancel his family coming. PIL are able to cook and have room for 5 people.
My dad is a widower and has a lot of health issues if we don’t have him for Christmas he would not see anyone or be able to cook a meal for himself.

Dh thinks now we have invited everyone we will have to suck it up and host. He is happy to do the cooking. He doesn’t think it’s fair if my dad still comes but not his family.
I love his family and if it was just the Parents coming I would just say to crack on they will understand if I’m not feeling my best. But with BIL and his girlfriend and uncle coming I will feel like I actually have to host.

Potentially I’ll be fine and able to move around after 4 days and I’ll be fine to host if dh can do the heavy lifting. But on the other hand Christmas morning will be hectic and an early start with the kids anyway.
I’ve not even spoken to the family yet and I don’t really know how long it will take to recover from the surgery - reading online seems to vary a lot.

What would you do? Cancel now so alternative plans can be made or just continue on as normal and hope it’ll be ok?

I think it’s absolutely fine to cancel now. You don’t want to be worrying about how you’ll feel and if you’re going to be well enough to host. There’s plenty of time for people to make new plans.

Good luck with your op.

If they are in any way reasonable people as soon as you tell them about your op they should be declining to come anyway. And maybe offering to cook for you!

I dont see the issue with just your dad coming theres a huge difference between one person coming and multiple families.

Your husband is BU.

It's fine to cancel. They are five adults who are perfectly capable of fending for themselves. If they had any manners they would decline as soon as they know you will be recovering.

4 days post gallbladder removal I could still barely walk or get out of bed. And I say that as someone who's had two c sections and was up on my feet 24 hours after those surgeries. I would cancel and not feel bad about it

Go ahead. Your surgery may end up being cancelled again. Am assuming keyhole surgery. Course,you will be a bit sore,and not want to eat much. Make it very clear,DH cooks,others much in. Put your feet up. Am guessing you are pretty young for a choke. Yes, I've had it, together with apendicectomy. Long before the days of keyhole or oral removal,so not relivent to your recovery.

As soon as you mention it to them they should be offering to not come anyway.

Absolutely cancel. Your DH is being very unreasonable-your health should be his priority.

Make it very clear,DH cooks,others muck in.

How likely is that to happen in actual real life?

Just say sorry, not this year and I’m sure they’ll understand.

Sorry,I didn't type CHOKE, the phone did I typed CHOLE

Definitely cancel. You have no way of knowing what your going to feel like and for how long afterwards. I've just had a similar surgery and it took me a good week to get back on my feet properly.

I was on a night out 4 days after my surgery, my friend could hardly move 4 days after hers. It varies a lot.

The best thing to do would be to cancel, maybe arrange another dinner with his family in January.

The situation with your dad and his family is completely different.

If still go ahead on the basis the probability of this being postponed again is high at that time of year. On the off chance it does go ahead make it clear to DH you'll be doing nothing but sitting on the sofa so he'll be doing everything in terms of hosting.

I had my gallbladder out last year, I was still in bed at 4 days and still struggled to sit up, just hobbling to the bathroom and back.

I'd cancel. You'll probably still be on codeine and will probably also need laxatives.

Is DH happy to do absolutely everything if you can't get out of bed? All hosting cooking and cleaning?

My DH always cooks Christmas lunch. I had surgery one year,on 18.12 then complications,an infection. He cooked, everyone mucked they knew I was in pain

I think there’s a massive difference between having just your dad than another 4 people who are more than capable of fending for themselves.

Your DH is being very unreasonable.

Cancel now so they have time to make other plans

I’d invite your ddad but otherwise cancel.
If they’re reasonable people they’ll totally understand. It’s not like they don’t have anywhere to go. Just be clear you’re happy to have everyone next year.

From being around this forum for years, guarantees that a dh will step up for the first time ever and let their parter put their feet up never work. It’s hard to let go of the reins even if they do take over. Socialising is miserable if you’re in pain. Everyone “mucking in” is a bloody stressful nightmare to manage.

Wow, is your dh delusional? 4 days post any operation and he thinks you should still host? Bonkers. If you’re anything like me, post general anaesthetic, my sleep pattern was shot, I was exhausted, couldn’t do anything. I think everyone should have the brain/grâce to obviously understand the situation. Nobody can expect you to host.

Just re read and see that you host every year! In that case most definitely give yourself a year off.

I think you need to adjust your thinking. You still feel you would be expected to “host”. You need to stop that thinking and tell the others you will be feet up the entire day recovering and probably mostly in bed. Them being there isn’t the issue it’s you feeling you need to perform for them.

Only you know how likely they are to pitch in, though.

I do hope the surgery goes ahead and goes well.

Absolutely cancel. You have no idea how you'll be afterwards.

I would have been fine to socialise four days aftermy op, but a colleague of mine had to be off work for six weeks after hers.

I can't believe it's even a question.

I agree it varies hugely. I was completely back to normal by day 4 but my sister was still in bed a week later. Also it's not always in and out on the same day. I went in on the scheduled day but delayed until the following afternoon and then had to stay overnight again because it was done so late. Hosting Christmas is a lot of extra stress to have hanging over you as you go into surgery. I would cancel.

Definitely cancel. I was in hospital for 3 days after my gall bladder removal and didn't really feel well for 2 weeks