Cancelling Christmas invitation

[Rose789]

I’ve just received an appointment for surgery to remove my gallbladder. Been waiting a long time and has already been postponed three times.
The new date is 21 December.

Normally for Christmas we host Christmas dinner for PIL, BIL and his gf, dh uncle, my dad and then me Dh and 2 kids. Everyone was invited a few weeks ago.
When the appointment came through I suggested to dh that we cancel his family coming. PIL are able to cook and have room for 5 people.
My dad is a widower and has a lot of health issues if we don’t have him for Christmas he would not see anyone or be able to cook a meal for himself.

Dh thinks now we have invited everyone we will have to suck it up and host. He is happy to do the cooking. He doesn’t think it’s fair if my dad still comes but not his family.
I love his family and if it was just the Parents coming I would just say to crack on they will understand if I’m not feeling my best. But with BIL and his girlfriend and uncle coming I will feel like I actually have to host.

Potentially I’ll be fine and able to move around after 4 days and I’ll be fine to host if dh can do the heavy lifting. But on the other hand Christmas morning will be hectic and an early start with the kids anyway.
I’ve not even spoken to the family yet and I don’t really know how long it will take to recover from the surgery - reading online seems to vary a lot.

What would you do? Cancel now so alternative plans can be made or just continue on as normal and hope it’ll be ok?

Cancel, have a quiet Xmas, assuming surgery is laparoscopic, you will be fine, I got over mine very quickly, I can’t remember bad pain, but tired due to GA, I did have a toddler & baby at the time. I had a lot more pain after having my tonsils removed. But of course, not up to hosting. Take the date.

Your Dad is in a completely different situation to DH's family. Its reasonable to cancel the full show but still have the loner and unless his family are unreasonable they probably understand that better than DH.

Is there an option whereby they drop in later in the afternoon for a more casual high tea or drinks and mince pies so that you can see them but without the workload?

If someone told me they were having an operation on 21st, I would immediately be saying that we would definitely not be coming for dinner four days later. People are so bloody precious about Christmas. Fair enough for your dad to come, so as not to be alone - but the others can surely have a nice day between themselves, and then have a get-together with you once you're fully recovered.

Assuming your husband's family are selfish enough to want to carry on anyway, could you suggest that your husband and children could join them at their house (because it might be nice for the children to be around more people, especially if you're not feeling well)?

I've just had an operation, and there's no way I'd want anyone descending on me. I also know that if you are physically present, it will be more or less impossible not to end up doing things.

for your stay in hospital, when it comes.

I had my gallbladder out some years ago, via keyhole surgery. 4 days afterwards (that's how you'll be on Christmas Day )I was up and about, doing stuff in the house (feeding the cat, putting washing in the washer, making a cup of tea) but couldn't vacuum or walk much - I walked to where my son then lived, 3 doors away, and it was a huge effort.

Unless you're going to have a lot of help, I'd cancel the operation.

Four days after gall bladder removal it was all I could do to be dressed and sat up. I'd be cancelling

I was in the supermarket 2 days after my gallbladder op, felt fine.

Would I have wanted to have 9 people for Christmas, hell no! That's a whole other level of stress.

Cancel it. But just invite your Dad since he is on his own.

Word of caution. After my gallbladder op ( key hole day surgery) I thought I felt fine about 4 days after, but I then ran about too much, tore internal stitches and had to be rushed into hospital for emergency surgery to repair. I was then extremely poorly for about 4 weeks after. My sister needed at least 6 weeks to recover from her gall bladder op and took about about 12 weeks for her to be able to eat a meal comfortably. Of course, everyone's recovery is different but I really wouldn't advise hosting a houseful at Christmas.

Wow your dh is absolutely horrid. What a nasty man, expecting to host after that surgery. And he is just being spiteful to not want your dad to come. He needs to give everyone notice now and you just invite your dad. Yanbu at all!!!!

@Rose789 I had my gallbladder out and was rough for two weeks. If your DH can’t put you first and if his family can’t understand your situation, I’d be raging at them.

How far are the pil away, could you go to them and bring your dad too, you can then take it easy and won't be easy normally anyway

DH took 2 weeks to recover. He could barely get out of bed for the first week and a half. I would cancel

I had my gallbladder out in 2018, I was up & about next day, by day 4 pretty much back to normal and back to work full time, however I probably would have used it as an excuse to not host xmas, but it really is doable and a very minor op.

I had a less invasive procedure a few days before Christmas a few years back. It was really hard to be comfortable around my DP and children yet alone anyone else.

I’ve had my gall badder out too. Good few weeks before I felt ok. The wind too! Cancel and recoup

Cancel now. Otherwise you may end up having to cancel late notice

Just cancel now ... it's giving them as much notice as you can that should be the issue. Of course you have to plan to have the surgery on that date; everyone knows how the NHS works!

As for your dad, that is different. He's alone and your dad who will want to keep you company and provide some support after your surgery, no?

Hope the surgery goes smoothly.

Cancel

I’m with your husband

Cancel all or none.

Cancel the cheque,& Christmas hosting.

The last thing you're going to want a few days after surgery is a houseful!

Your DH is being ridiculous & selfish. Having just your Dad, who would otherwise be on his own Is entirely different to having his whole family. Even the stupidest person should be able to see that!!

If someone told me they were having an operation on 21st, I would immediately be saying that we would definitely not be coming for dinner four days later. People are so bloody precious about Christmas. Fair enough for your dad to come, so as not to be alone - but the others can surely have a nice day between themselves, and then have a get-together with you once you're fully recovered.

This and the whole “fair” sh*t is ridiculous. Your father has no one and your Dh parents have each other and their other children. How is it fair to let him be alone on Christmas?

Definitely cancel, there’s plenty of time for ILs to make other arrangements

If your ILs can’t understand why you would still have your dad but not everyone else, they’re not the kind of people you want to spend time with anyway.

Your DH is being a bit of a twat. Your dad is one person who can't fend for himself. Coping with one extra person is probably doable, but another 5 people on top is a whole different ball game. If you're feeling ill you do not want a houseful of people!

Hopefully PILS will suggest they cater for their side this year. And if you're feeling up to it they could visit later in the day.

He sounds immature and thoughtless.

If your lonely Dad comes then my entire immediate family must come otherwise it isn't FAIR!!!!

I'd make sure you tell MIL about the surgery ASAP and with any luck she'll offer to host them at hers

I remember MIL being unexpectedly hospitalised at Christmas one year and having to step in and host at her house, absolute nightmare, I definitely would have moved Christmas to my house if I'd had known in advance that could happen.

100% cancel. I was in hospital for a week after having my gallbladder removed after a bile leak and didn’t feel better properly for weeks.